(no subject)
I feel weird today. I haven't slept well in two days. The first day was the anxiety of the first day of work. Last night was that it's 1000 degrees in the room I'm sleeping in, my bladder hasn't worked in awhile, and I was too lazy to get naked. So I came downstairs to sleep and I was too worried with conserving the air conditioner and trying to save my brother money that I didn't fall asleep until 7am and thats when everyone else woke up. I spent the day being exhausted and not feeling well (damn you corona and absolut) and being too tired to fall asleep. The times I did doze off were violently interrupted. I made a phone call that I'm not proud of, quitting the senior care job. I don't have the right attitude for it, or at least I don't right now. But I do need a part time job. I may seem like a louse, but I've been working part time since I was 16 and was one of the few who actually worked on the weekends during college. Needless to say, I'm exhausted. And I damn well deserved a month off from it all. Having the icy breath of failure as to not having a job for the fall is enough stress for right now.
I'm just irritated because though I don't owe the senior care people anything, I'm a hardworker. I've never just upped and quit something. Which is why I didn't have the balls to actually talk to the manager on the phone because I would have faltered and been suckered into staying. I'm too good. I am. It's frustrating. I'm not a saint. But I do need a job. And thats what I'm doing tomorrow. Good old fashion going door to door to every company in sight and doing it the right way. It's only temporary anyway (hopefully) and I'm comfortable with retail. I wasn't comfortable in the caregiving and I could tell right away. Why am I justifying this?
I'm just tired. I'm praying for the advil pm's to kick in soon and hoping my bladder returns to being that of a 22 year old and not a 75 year old for just one night so I can dream one sweet little dream. Or two.
Happy Fourth of July.
I'm just irritated because though I don't owe the senior care people anything, I'm a hardworker. I've never just upped and quit something. Which is why I didn't have the balls to actually talk to the manager on the phone because I would have faltered and been suckered into staying. I'm too good. I am. It's frustrating. I'm not a saint. But I do need a job. And thats what I'm doing tomorrow. Good old fashion going door to door to every company in sight and doing it the right way. It's only temporary anyway (hopefully) and I'm comfortable with retail. I wasn't comfortable in the caregiving and I could tell right away. Why am I justifying this?
I'm just tired. I'm praying for the advil pm's to kick in soon and hoping my bladder returns to being that of a 22 year old and not a 75 year old for just one night so I can dream one sweet little dream. Or two.
Happy Fourth of July.