No real reason to accept the way things have changed
Title: Condemned
FandomDeathnote
Rating: pg-13 for violence, strong language, adult content.... Rampant BTVS refs.....
Pairing: MelloxMatt
Summary:Mello turns the wheel and keep driving, keeps going…like he’s always done cause he’s Mello and he’s like that. He is just stubborn enough to out live every person that has ever mattered to him.
Genre: ANGST!
Spoilers: the boys real names and also chapter 99
Notes: I felt like playing with them to ease my pain......Also first post to this community after long time lurking!
There is a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach, as he looks at the road ahead the words of the news running through his brain like a death march.
Gunned down. Gunned down. Gunned down.
The phrase hasn’t quite set in properly because it shouldn’t. There should be some loophole… somewhere. But then again if the unfairness of death reached his hero so long before the man’s time then his best friend probably just as unlucky.
_______________________________________________________________________
“Hi! My name’s Mail, What’s yours?”
“Mihael.”
“What kind of a name is Mihael?”
“Well what kind of a name is Mail!”
_______________________________________________________________________
Mello turns the wheel and keep driving, keeps going…like he’s always done cause he’s Mello and he’s like that. He is just stubborn enough to out live every person that has ever mattered to him.
He gains some small comfort from the knowledge that Near isn’t dead, that Near wont die, that Near now has all the proof and all the reason to take out Kira. He hopes (like he’s never hoped before because he’s never had reason to hope for Near’s successes, security, or safety.) that Near wins because if Mello doesn’t win the only other option is near. He won’t stand to be beat (if he has to be) by anything but the best. And Near is the best. Well…even if his distracted thought train admits it he won’t ever. Not to Near’s face. Not that he’ll get the chance now.
At this rate he’s just as dead as Matt is. Fuck. There’s no escaping it now that he’s thought it. Matt’s dead. Matt’s
There is a sudden sharp pain in his left shoulder taking every rational thought he had and ripping them to shreds in an instant except…Kira…that bastard got him. Fuck. How?
The current mantra changes to, oh god oh god oh god make it stop make it…. Mello can feel something oddly bright at the back of his head and something else trickle down his neck. It takes a split second to realize that the bright feeling was his head smashing the small glass window behind him.
The pain has drifted from everywhere but his shoulder. Heat welling to the back of his head and throat as strange sounds he wont admit come from him fill his hearing soon to be drowned out by matt’s voice reprimanding him.
_______________________________________________________________________
After hearing what Mello’s plot had included Matt just stood in front of him eyes blazing through his goggles telling him things he had known from the moment the plan had come to fruition in his mind.
“This is stupid Mel, we’re not gonna make it out of this one… or did you already compute that, you stupid fucking soulless bas-“
Mello remembers cutting Matt off so he’d stop affirming all the doubts he had about his own plan, the kiss tasting like smoke and chocolate and the impending doom hanging over both their heads.
When Mello broke it, he could feel the tension in both their bodies as he kept his arms around Matt’s neck.
Matt’s arms around his waist that had probably meat to be comforting had made him feel confined but he said nothing as much as he hated the feeling he could endure it for the red head.
.
He had glared harshly at his friend.
“Don’t you dare say that. I am not going to lose. And that means making it out alive.”
“Mel-“
“Shut up. Just shut the fuck up.” Mello remembers kissing Matt so hard their teeth crashed into each others painfully, dragging his friend down to the couch with him trying to quiet the voices in his head screaming that by putting this plan into action he’s just condemned both of them to death.
____________________________________________________________________
Mello could feel himself lose control of the truck, as his vision blacked at the edges, like paper burning in a fire first red hot then later silent. Tears of pain that he won’t claim roll from the corner of his eyes as he forgets what it means to blink.
His eyes are wide-open, eyes wide and blind. He can’t really see now and all he wants is to fight this, because that’s what Mello does. But in the end there’s nothing he can do but give in to the pain flooding his veins like waves on a beach at the tide. Mello doesn’t feel the crack as his head hits the steering wheel, nor does he feel the truck crash into the wall in front of it.
“Mello, promise me you aren’t going to do anything stupid!” the twelve year old red head asks watching Mello sneak into Roger’s office from around the corner as the look out.
Mello grins wildly and says, “When am I ever stupid?”
________________________________________________________________________
There’s only so much pain a body can take and Mello passed that point, pain receptors shutting down permanently.
If he could still feel his fingers he’d reach for the rosary, suspended around his neck permanently, even if he doesn’t believe he’s worth saving, he’d sill like the comfort of knowing there is an eventual possibility someone might. Someone did. And now that someone is gone. Like he is going to be.
He wonders idly if matt was afraid. Matt doesn’t fear much, at least not really. He says he does but Mello knows better then to believe the talk of cowardice from someone who on occasion has been braver then him and considering Mello blew himself up that’s saying something.
The last thing he can do before everything goes is think something he never thought he would ever think.
Kick his ass for us Near.
And everything falls away. And nothings left but a shell that used to be everything but innocent