oh my god
PREFACE: i typed this as fast as i could so i wouldn't forget anything and it still took me 45 minutes. i know there are plenty of spelling/punctuation errors. bear with me. read this shit and comment on it because it scares the shit out of me.
i keep having dreams about people i love and trust deceiving me. and the end of the world having to do with the ocean.
first i dreamed that carole was holding me hostage in my own house, with a gun, tnreatening to kill me. i shot the gun enough times to empty it of bullets, then tried to hit her over the head with it to knock her out. it didn't work. she laughed at me. my brother was in town and i hadn't seen him yet, so i begged her to let me say goodbye. i don't know why she agreed, but she did. i did everything possible to let let my parents and my brother know that i was in trouble, and they should bring the polic3 with them. either they didn't understand my messager (i think they didn't understand it) or they couldn't bring them safely, but the police never came. i did get to hear my brother's voice though.
i woke up to a garbage truck and fell asleep again.
immediately i was back in the dream, but i think carole had somehow gotten us in on whatever she was planning. i think it was a big political scandal. the overthrowing of one dictator by a small group of rebels, therefore causing the biggest international rukus in history.
we were at a castle on a beach. it was a huge red and beige brick castle, i think it was called the milk bar, or the milk cafe or something. something with milk. it had to do with the previous owner. we had taken over the castle for our center of operations. this is my mom and dad (who are still married but each seeing other people in this dream...both women!), who have direct orders from carole, a small group of people they rely on for resources, and the ones the love and trust, aka me. i was allowed there basically because after whatever was supposed to happen happened, we were going into hiding and i would never see them again if i wasn't with them. we had everything i could have asked for. i remember a private tailor who made feminized men's clothing for me to wear while i was out with my mother. but i'm getting ahead of myself.
so, in the castle, the front landscaping wwas like a small old world villa. it had a tiled front porch area (huge of course) with columns and and thatched overhead thing. surrounding that on the grounds was grassy area all the way down to the beach. i remember going outside at twilight the night before, what i thought to be my last night alive, and seeing huge patches of blue grass. i was not crying, but close. forlorn maybe is the right word. i felt like i was a prisoner about to have my death sentence carried out. the groundskeeper was roaming, and i asked him about the grass. he said he dyed it. i asked, "with cobalt?" he said yes. it was a very impressive, very lavish facade. a castle that dwarfed the empire state building, a veranda the size of most people's homes, and green grass with blue swirls and circles dyed in it.
the plan went something like this. the dictator had to die, and my mother was going to kill him. she needed to get close enough to kill him, then set a weapon in place for future operators, i guess. after all the preparations, we got ready to flee. we went to an island in the carribean.
my mother killed him and set the weapon place. then we (our group, not just me and mom) checked into our hotel room, changed into swimsuits, and sat around. i announced that i had never been to the carribean (where we actually were was classified information) and i was indeed going down to the beach. the thing that made me so adamant--the beach was beautiful. there were hapy couples and happy families playing and laughing, having absolutely no idea of what was coming. mom walked with me.
i questioned her about what the aftermath would be like. she said most people would have absolutely no idea who we were or what was going on, or that something had even happened...at first. but the people who knew what happened would be after us. we'd have to hide, but we wouldn't have to live in a cave. i asked her why she and my dad weren't together anymore. and why she was with this woman. she said the woman completeed her, and although she and my dad were still married and still loved each other, it wasn't the same and wouldn't ever be the same. i let it go because the countdown was drawing to a close.
close to zero hour, i dove in the water, happy to be able to swim. i think i laughed with joy for the first time all dream. i came back ashore and waited, then thought better of it and swam as far out as i could and let the waves bring me back to shore. this was my last moment of joy. i had seen the carribean, and life as i knew it was about to end.
the weapon was a radar targeting system that "makes goldeneye look like a tonka toy" i think the quote was. i knew i would be able to see it from the ocean, but i didn't realize how big it would be. it was detonated. the target was miami. i watched a HUGE watery shockwave with colored lights move across the ocean fast, like a..well, shockwave. everyone on the beach stopped and looked, and gasped. when i was over, i looked to my mom. "so miami's gone?" she said something like it's goner than you could imagine...something liek it is more than gone. wiped out of existence.
so we go back to the hotel room. wake up the next morning, get the paper. the death of the dictator is front page, and mother happily points to his picture and exclaims "i killed him!" in a singsong voice. walking through the hotel, my mother notices an assassin trailing us, so she kills him too. i remember the tailor starting to question things, so she silenced him without killing him, then she and i jumped in the dual elevators to try to elude my cousin bill, who had no idea of our involvement, but was quickly piecing things together. we got off at at same floor and that's all i remember.
i drew the castle and the beach roughly on a sheet of paper, just so i wouldnt' lose the image...but now i don't think i'll forget it for a long time. i wish i could draw it to look exactly like it did in my dream.
i keep having dreams about people i love and trust deceiving me. and the end of the world having to do with the ocean.
first i dreamed that carole was holding me hostage in my own house, with a gun, tnreatening to kill me. i shot the gun enough times to empty it of bullets, then tried to hit her over the head with it to knock her out. it didn't work. she laughed at me. my brother was in town and i hadn't seen him yet, so i begged her to let me say goodbye. i don't know why she agreed, but she did. i did everything possible to let let my parents and my brother know that i was in trouble, and they should bring the polic3 with them. either they didn't understand my messager (i think they didn't understand it) or they couldn't bring them safely, but the police never came. i did get to hear my brother's voice though.
i woke up to a garbage truck and fell asleep again.
immediately i was back in the dream, but i think carole had somehow gotten us in on whatever she was planning. i think it was a big political scandal. the overthrowing of one dictator by a small group of rebels, therefore causing the biggest international rukus in history.
we were at a castle on a beach. it was a huge red and beige brick castle, i think it was called the milk bar, or the milk cafe or something. something with milk. it had to do with the previous owner. we had taken over the castle for our center of operations. this is my mom and dad (who are still married but each seeing other people in this dream...both women!), who have direct orders from carole, a small group of people they rely on for resources, and the ones the love and trust, aka me. i was allowed there basically because after whatever was supposed to happen happened, we were going into hiding and i would never see them again if i wasn't with them. we had everything i could have asked for. i remember a private tailor who made feminized men's clothing for me to wear while i was out with my mother. but i'm getting ahead of myself.
so, in the castle, the front landscaping wwas like a small old world villa. it had a tiled front porch area (huge of course) with columns and and thatched overhead thing. surrounding that on the grounds was grassy area all the way down to the beach. i remember going outside at twilight the night before, what i thought to be my last night alive, and seeing huge patches of blue grass. i was not crying, but close. forlorn maybe is the right word. i felt like i was a prisoner about to have my death sentence carried out. the groundskeeper was roaming, and i asked him about the grass. he said he dyed it. i asked, "with cobalt?" he said yes. it was a very impressive, very lavish facade. a castle that dwarfed the empire state building, a veranda the size of most people's homes, and green grass with blue swirls and circles dyed in it.
the plan went something like this. the dictator had to die, and my mother was going to kill him. she needed to get close enough to kill him, then set a weapon in place for future operators, i guess. after all the preparations, we got ready to flee. we went to an island in the carribean.
my mother killed him and set the weapon place. then we (our group, not just me and mom) checked into our hotel room, changed into swimsuits, and sat around. i announced that i had never been to the carribean (where we actually were was classified information) and i was indeed going down to the beach. the thing that made me so adamant--the beach was beautiful. there were hapy couples and happy families playing and laughing, having absolutely no idea of what was coming. mom walked with me.
i questioned her about what the aftermath would be like. she said most people would have absolutely no idea who we were or what was going on, or that something had even happened...at first. but the people who knew what happened would be after us. we'd have to hide, but we wouldn't have to live in a cave. i asked her why she and my dad weren't together anymore. and why she was with this woman. she said the woman completeed her, and although she and my dad were still married and still loved each other, it wasn't the same and wouldn't ever be the same. i let it go because the countdown was drawing to a close.
close to zero hour, i dove in the water, happy to be able to swim. i think i laughed with joy for the first time all dream. i came back ashore and waited, then thought better of it and swam as far out as i could and let the waves bring me back to shore. this was my last moment of joy. i had seen the carribean, and life as i knew it was about to end.
the weapon was a radar targeting system that "makes goldeneye look like a tonka toy" i think the quote was. i knew i would be able to see it from the ocean, but i didn't realize how big it would be. it was detonated. the target was miami. i watched a HUGE watery shockwave with colored lights move across the ocean fast, like a..well, shockwave. everyone on the beach stopped and looked, and gasped. when i was over, i looked to my mom. "so miami's gone?" she said something like it's goner than you could imagine...something liek it is more than gone. wiped out of existence.
so we go back to the hotel room. wake up the next morning, get the paper. the death of the dictator is front page, and mother happily points to his picture and exclaims "i killed him!" in a singsong voice. walking through the hotel, my mother notices an assassin trailing us, so she kills him too. i remember the tailor starting to question things, so she silenced him without killing him, then she and i jumped in the dual elevators to try to elude my cousin bill, who had no idea of our involvement, but was quickly piecing things together. we got off at at same floor and that's all i remember.
i drew the castle and the beach roughly on a sheet of paper, just so i wouldnt' lose the image...but now i don't think i'll forget it for a long time. i wish i could draw it to look exactly like it did in my dream.