Merry
As expected, the little family/friends get together was a little uncomfortable. I hate getting warm from the sudden smallness of the family room and having to say excuse me so damned much to make myself a drink (of course I pick a complicated one... but so damned good). The whipped cream/Bailey's combination dessert dip went pretty well. As all the adults left I realized that I wasn't in the conversation at all with my brother, his girl, my cousin and a friend. They were just talking about going out to bars and maybe even going out tonight and I realize I don't want to insert myself into that conversation. I didn't have any friends come out here, which is fine since it's supposed to snow a bit tonight... I dunno.
Maybe I'm just tired of living in the middle of nowhere. Plenty of native Hiltonites would say there is plenty to do. I would laugh at them if they told me so. Sure there's a lot to do, if you don't mind being massively solitary and even though I do at times I realize that a lot of the time I am severely starved for human contact. That's why I miss college so damned much. I always had to interact with someone daily, and it was something that got me out of my shell - even if it took shattering a two year relationship to free me. I had a goal to be out of this house by May. Is it doable? I would think so, but I worry over money a bit. If I'm here I get to not worry about so much and attempt to put away money... just to watch it disappear on large purchases. The skis I got I'm very happy about but now I have to look into some packages or finding some friends to go out with regularly. Don't get my wrong I don't dread this. I desire this. I just don't know who to ask or who would be interested. And there are unexpected things. Example, yesterday a little blink of a power outage took out my PC. Now, one would think it would be great. No computer = no game. And I still have my ibook, and it has Warcraft so that's foiled (and it kinda cycles back to the whole having no one to socialize with regularly, so I'll talk to people I'll never meet and probably won't even talk to come next year or even talk to outside of the game). Well, it also means I don't have my banks of music to listen to as I try to do other things, not to mention my room is always the coldest in the house thanks to a poor insulation job done by the guys that installed the windows. Hate how it makes it damned impossible to get up in the morning... but I'm starting to ramble. I can't even quite remember what I came on here to do or say.
I'm starting to think that a Master's is the answer. A Master's somewhere out of my comfort zone. I was going back and forth looking at one school that I had heard mentioned quite a bit from Fredonia professors cause it was where they went and when looking over it and at some other schools I realized that there was nothing that would fit correctly in what I wanted to do. Then I saw it. A Master's in Sequential Art. A friggin master's in comic books. Where do I sign up?! I think even progressing towards this is more of me working out of that shell I have made around myself inhibiting my ability to do anything without my parent's consent. I can hear as much as I want from friends about how I'm old enough to do as I please but until I work on it myself nothing is going to happen. The skis were the first thing. Colorado kinda fit into that as well. I'm thinking a couple more tattoos (damn another thing that costs money *boo*) and this'll do it. I know the difference between being rash and planning things. Me driving to Michigan and back in less than 2 days time = rash. Me thinking this all out = planning. It's kinda funny to look back and see self progression.
I also realize I love traveling. I love flying somewhere as long as there is a friend there to pick me up and show me their general home area. I love Paul for putting up with me that weekend as I stared at those mountains. I think he missed my getting teary cause of just how massively beautiful it was. Or tolerating my amazement in seeing two herds of bighorn sheep right there by the road or even the massive bull elk right along the dirt road to his father's place. I have yet to send a true thank you out to his father for letting me stay there and feeding me and paying for my lift ticket and driving... just the amount of generosity was amazing. Though he doesn't speak much, a trait that carried on to Paul. I hope I wasn't a burden at all. I'll post the view from his father's place once I get the images on this computer. I wish I had taken more pictures... but I kinda plan on going back at some point so more pictures will be had. When? I haven't the slightest but it would kinda be cool to be there in the spring as it gets warmer and the flowers begin blooming.
I had an odd dream last night that had me pulling an ex in just to break up with him as soon as he got his hopes up and had a couple other guy friends in it. It was something of a jumble. But then, it was like 13 hours ago that I was recalling this as I stirred to an awaken state under my flannel sheets... which I stayed in and read a bit of "His Dark Materials" I kinda want to read the book a bit more before seeing "The Golden Compass." I want to see "I Am Legend" too... but it's something that I would want to go see with a guy and since the interests are either in other states or too busy to answer phone calls I kinda give up. It's nice being single though. I hear arguments in this household, mostly from the younger couple, and I just grin a little knowing I don't have to deal with that.
I was just staring at my ski boots wishing I could just throw them on and be going somewhere now with snow and close companionship... or be sitting somewhere warm just listening to a guitar play and talking about comics and music. I guess that describes the two interests. I chuckle that I have been suddenly consistent with age range and height.
I wonder if there's any way I can fit guitar lessons into my time/money planning. Too much to do so little time. It's all about priorities and the ability to follow them. I'm actually reading a book about procrastination. I guess the fact that there are 21 steps/tools and I'm at number 12 and I've had the book for a couple months doesn't show a lot of promise.
Well, bed and tales of the great north or snow and polar bears seems to be getting near. Night.
Maybe I'm just tired of living in the middle of nowhere. Plenty of native Hiltonites would say there is plenty to do. I would laugh at them if they told me so. Sure there's a lot to do, if you don't mind being massively solitary and even though I do at times I realize that a lot of the time I am severely starved for human contact. That's why I miss college so damned much. I always had to interact with someone daily, and it was something that got me out of my shell - even if it took shattering a two year relationship to free me. I had a goal to be out of this house by May. Is it doable? I would think so, but I worry over money a bit. If I'm here I get to not worry about so much and attempt to put away money... just to watch it disappear on large purchases. The skis I got I'm very happy about but now I have to look into some packages or finding some friends to go out with regularly. Don't get my wrong I don't dread this. I desire this. I just don't know who to ask or who would be interested. And there are unexpected things. Example, yesterday a little blink of a power outage took out my PC. Now, one would think it would be great. No computer = no game. And I still have my ibook, and it has Warcraft so that's foiled (and it kinda cycles back to the whole having no one to socialize with regularly, so I'll talk to people I'll never meet and probably won't even talk to come next year or even talk to outside of the game). Well, it also means I don't have my banks of music to listen to as I try to do other things, not to mention my room is always the coldest in the house thanks to a poor insulation job done by the guys that installed the windows. Hate how it makes it damned impossible to get up in the morning... but I'm starting to ramble. I can't even quite remember what I came on here to do or say.
I'm starting to think that a Master's is the answer. A Master's somewhere out of my comfort zone. I was going back and forth looking at one school that I had heard mentioned quite a bit from Fredonia professors cause it was where they went and when looking over it and at some other schools I realized that there was nothing that would fit correctly in what I wanted to do. Then I saw it. A Master's in Sequential Art. A friggin master's in comic books. Where do I sign up?! I think even progressing towards this is more of me working out of that shell I have made around myself inhibiting my ability to do anything without my parent's consent. I can hear as much as I want from friends about how I'm old enough to do as I please but until I work on it myself nothing is going to happen. The skis were the first thing. Colorado kinda fit into that as well. I'm thinking a couple more tattoos (damn another thing that costs money *boo*) and this'll do it. I know the difference between being rash and planning things. Me driving to Michigan and back in less than 2 days time = rash. Me thinking this all out = planning. It's kinda funny to look back and see self progression.
I also realize I love traveling. I love flying somewhere as long as there is a friend there to pick me up and show me their general home area. I love Paul for putting up with me that weekend as I stared at those mountains. I think he missed my getting teary cause of just how massively beautiful it was. Or tolerating my amazement in seeing two herds of bighorn sheep right there by the road or even the massive bull elk right along the dirt road to his father's place. I have yet to send a true thank you out to his father for letting me stay there and feeding me and paying for my lift ticket and driving... just the amount of generosity was amazing. Though he doesn't speak much, a trait that carried on to Paul. I hope I wasn't a burden at all. I'll post the view from his father's place once I get the images on this computer. I wish I had taken more pictures... but I kinda plan on going back at some point so more pictures will be had. When? I haven't the slightest but it would kinda be cool to be there in the spring as it gets warmer and the flowers begin blooming.
I had an odd dream last night that had me pulling an ex in just to break up with him as soon as he got his hopes up and had a couple other guy friends in it. It was something of a jumble. But then, it was like 13 hours ago that I was recalling this as I stirred to an awaken state under my flannel sheets... which I stayed in and read a bit of "His Dark Materials" I kinda want to read the book a bit more before seeing "The Golden Compass." I want to see "I Am Legend" too... but it's something that I would want to go see with a guy and since the interests are either in other states or too busy to answer phone calls I kinda give up. It's nice being single though. I hear arguments in this household, mostly from the younger couple, and I just grin a little knowing I don't have to deal with that.
I was just staring at my ski boots wishing I could just throw them on and be going somewhere now with snow and close companionship... or be sitting somewhere warm just listening to a guitar play and talking about comics and music. I guess that describes the two interests. I chuckle that I have been suddenly consistent with age range and height.
I wonder if there's any way I can fit guitar lessons into my time/money planning. Too much to do so little time. It's all about priorities and the ability to follow them. I'm actually reading a book about procrastination. I guess the fact that there are 21 steps/tools and I'm at number 12 and I've had the book for a couple months doesn't show a lot of promise.
Well, bed and tales of the great north or snow and polar bears seems to be getting near. Night.