Poem: "Between Fields of Knowledge and Experience"
This poem came out of the July 2, 2024 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from Dreamwidth user Dialecticdreamer and rix_scaedu. It also fills the "Questions / Answers" square in my 7-1-24 card for the Games and Entertainment Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by Dreamwidth user Callibr8. It belongs to the College Arc in the Shiv thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
"Between Fields of Knowledge and Experience"
[Morning of Friday, July 8, 2016]
"You did college, and you actually
finished it," Shiv blurted at Heron.
"Yes, I did," Heron said. He had
come over to visit Tolli and Simon
because they lived pretty close now,
and was currently scrambling eggs.
"How is that suddenly relevant?"
"I uh, my brother Arthur wants me
to go with him, in Omaha," said Shiv.
"And I didn't tell him to fuck off."
Heron almost smiled. "Well,
this ought to get interesting."
"So now I gotta think about it,
and I been talkin' to folks, but
they're old and you just went so
maybe you know more?" Shiv said.
"I'll be happy to share my experiences,"
Heron said. "Perhaps after breakfast?"
"Uh yeah, that's a good idea," Shiv said.
The Italians were huddled around
the epic coffee machine, clutching
an assortment of flaky pastries.
Heron stepped around them as
he carried the eggs to the small table
in the breakfast room, already piled
with platters of sausage, toast, fruit,
and a sizable pot of oatmeal.
Shiv shoveled breakfast onto
his plate, then into his mouth.
Simon set out a casserole dish
full of mixed cherry tomatoes
baked with basil and garlic.
Shiv grabbed a couple pieces of
toast and slopped tomatoes on them.
Yeah, that was really fuckin' good. He
oughta make that at home sometime.
By the time Tolli served slices of
honeydew melon, Shiv was so stuffed
that he could only fit in half a piece.
He belched and said, "Thanks for
breakfast, that was amazing."
"You're welcome," said Heron.
"Shall we revisit the college topic
while we clear off the table?"
"Sure, I'll just --" Shiv began,
reaching for an empty platter.
But the Italians descended
and swept everything into
the kitchen before scattering
to their morning chores, leaving
only Niccolo on the windowseat
sketching something in the yard.
"That takes care of that," Heron said.
"What seems to be on your mind?"
"I just ... I dunno," Shiv said, slumping
against the wall. "I been askin' folks
about different stuff, but it's hard
to keep straight. I ain't even in
college yet and it's already hard!"
"College is hard, but that's what
makes it feel good when you
accomplish things," said Heron.
"It would probably help to set up
something for organization. That
helped me maintain my calm."
"Yeah, but I suck at that sort
of thing," Shiv pointed out.
"I can get you started, though,"
said Heron. "Let's see, you
keep a pocket calendar, right?"
"Daybook," Shiv said, patting it.
"I'd be lost without it. Boss White
gimme one and I kept up with it."
"All right, let's build on that,"
said Heron. "What style do
you like? A bound notebook?
A looseleaf binder of some sort?"
"I like binders," Shiv said. "Drew
showed me how to make one work
with the things I liked or needed."
"Then we can look at printables,"
said Heron. "This way, you can
run off as many pages as you need,
and skip anything that you don't."
"Okay," said Shiv. "I thought
about maybe doing something
like that for the art stuff, you know,
for sketch paper and pencils and all."
"That's a good idea too," said Heron.
He activated his tablet computer and
opened a file. "Here, look at these."
Curious, Shiv skimmed the screen
and saw a variety of college planners.
Some were way too cartoony for his taste,
but others looked a lot more practical.
"Maybe this one?" Shiv said tentatively.
"Is this good? I dunno what to look for."
"Everything in our family file of organizers
is good," said Heron. "Let me see that --
oh yes, this is similar to one I've used.
I'll send a copy to the printer, then we
can play around with different orders
and see which pages you want to use."
It didn't take long for the household printer
to spit out a pile of pages for Heron to fetch.
He spread them on the breakfast table.
"Okay, start by picking a cover," he said.
"I like to set the tone for mine that way."
"I don't like the striped ones," Shiv said,
shoving them away. They reminded him
of prison, but he didn't mention that.
"That leaves the plain square or
this swishy circle," said Heron.
The square was boring as fuck.
"Maybe the circle?" Shiv said. He
liked how that wasn't too perfect.
"A good beginning, and you can
always change your mind later,"
Heron said. "I strongly recommend
the name page, but it's up to you
how much of that to fill in -- you
can just put enough for someone
to return it if you lose the binder."
Shiv really, really didn't want to put
a ton of work into this only to lose it.
"Yeah, definitely keep that one."
Heron put the chosen cover and
the name page into a "Yes" pile.
"Here's one you might want to print
a lot of," he said, tapping a page
that read, Daily Schedule. "I used
something similar for days that were
really packed, like during final exams
or weekends with multiple workshops."
"I'll need that," Shiv muttered. "I'd be
juggling school, work, and what-all else.
Dunno how I'll manage all that crap."
"Remember that work is required
to accommodate school if you
give proper notice," said Heron.
"Blues Moon is a good place."
"Yeah, Tolli and Simon said
that some jobs pay for college,"
Shiv mused. "I don't need money
for it but maybe there's other perks.
Some of my certs and workshops
counted toward my deskwork."
"Definitely check that," said Heron.
"What classes are you considering?
Anything relevant to your day job?"
"Nebraska en Plein Air and
Worldbuilding, so no, not really,"
Shiv said. "I don't think college
offers classes on bouncing."
"No, but I know you do art
at work, that makes it relevant,"
Heron said. "College certainly offers
classes on nutrition, culinary arts, and
music, if you like. You should ask."
"Huh," Shiv said, thinking about
the chalkboard menus, travel cups,
and other art he'd done. He wasn't
sure if he could handle classes on
cooking or music, but at least they
were topics he liked. "Guess so."
"Weekly and monthly schedules,"
said Heron. "You'll want enough of
these to cover your first semester.
Use them to track things that don't
repeat, like an evening seminar
or a concert you want to catch."
It suddenly dawned on Shiv that
he could get a student discount or
free tickets to a bunch of stuff he'd
been skipping because it was pricey.
Well, that didn't suck much at all.
"Goals for This Year," Heron read
as he picked up the next page.
Shiv squeaked on the inhale,
and suddenly there wasn't
near enough air in the air.
Instantly Heron patted him
on the back, unlocking his lungs.
"We'll set that one aside," Heron said,
putting it facedown. "You can always
come back to it later if you need it."
Good. That was good. Shiv tended
to have a panic attack every January
when he had to set the year's goals,
and he hadn't accounted for college
in this year's goal planning at all.
"To-Do List and My Notes,"
Heron said. "Simple, versatile,
and they give you different ways
to organize all kinds of ideas.
Does that fit you better?"
"Yeah," Shiv said, tracing
the box on My Notes. "I like
this one better, it's got space
where I could draw instead of
write. The other's all lines."
"True, but it has wide margins
where you could draw things,
like you do for your grocery list,"
Heron said. "Would that work?"
It worked for groceries, and Shiv
liked Heron acknowledging that.
"I think so," Shiv said. "Okay,
maybe ten of the To-Do List
and twenty of My Notes?"
"Agreed," Heron said, making
a note. "Class Schedule -- this is
critical and you'll use it a lot at first.
I kept mine right inside the front cover,
opposite the name page, to make it
easy for me to find in a hurry."
"Good idea," Shiv said. "I don't
want to get lost or show up late.
That always pisses people off."
"You can just tell your teachers
if you need extra time or help with
things," Heron said. "Moving along,
here's a Project Planner. This is
good for big things like a term paper."
"I can't fuckin' write!" Shiv squealed,
starting to panic again. "Fuck, fuck,
this is a terrible idea, I can't I can't --"
"All right, just breathe," Heron coached,
flipping the page. "Writing can feel scary,
but not every class is like that." He waited
for Shiv to catch his breath, then went on,
"You could use this page to organize
other things, like a large painting."
Shiv tried to drag his brain back
in gear. "It had ... a shopping list?"
"It has boxes for Materials Needed
and for Resources," Heron confirmed.
"Then yeah, maybe print out a few
of those pages," Shiv conceded.
"Assignment Tracker," Heron read.
"You need this. Even I couldn't
have kept all my assignments
straight without writing it down."
Shiv nibbled his lip. His memories
of assignments were mostly bad.
"If I have to," he grumbled.
"Grade Tracker," Heron said.
"Oh hell no," Shiv snapped. "I
don't give a fuck about grades.
I'm just doin' it for Arthur anyhow.
I know I'm gonna flunk, I always do."
"I think we can agree that most or all
of your previous teachers were imbeciles,"
Heron said evenly. "Don't judge by them."
But he turned over the page anyway.
Shiv couldn't argue with that. He
had hated most all his teachers.
He wasn't sure college would be
better -- look at Professor Ass-born.
Then again, Arthur had introduced Shiv
to his favorite teachers, and they seemed
nice, so ... maybe it wouldn't all suck?
"School Activities," Heron read. "This is
another option for tracking things like
concerts or workshops, but also for
club meetings or talks with teachers."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said Shiv.
"I'll have to coordinate with other folks
because both of the things I'm thinking
about taking have mix-and-match hours."
"Flex classes," Heron said, eyebrows
lifting. "That's an excellent choice for you
because they give you so much flexibility."
"Choices are good," Shiv said. Yeah,
the Finns had taught him all about that.
"Nebraska en Plein Air is supposed
to have field trips on the weekends."
"My Thoughts," Heron read, showing
him a page that had just that title and
a blank space. "Good for notes, but
also for constructive doodling."
"That just gets me in trouble,"
Shiv muttered, although he
really liked the blank page.
It would be nice to have
some empty paper tucked
in his regular binder so that
he wouldn't have to haul out
the art one for every little thing.
"As I said, your teachers were
imbeciles," said Heron. "Plenty
of people take notes visually.
I know you do because I've
seen your shopping lists."
Shiv liked to make those
with copy-paste images or
draw little pictures of things.
If he could do that for school and
not get reamed, then it might work.
"I like taking notes with pictures,
but then folks get mad," Shiv said.
"You might be surprised," said Heron.
"Why don't you check the course catalog
at your college? Mine had a number of
classes on basic skills, including notes,
and one of them taught visual notetaking.
You might find one in Omaha, too."
"Okay, that is kinda tempting,"
Shiv confessed. "I could look."
He didn't promise to enroll in
anything, but it did sound cool.
He did like illustrating his notes.
Shiv looked at the remaining pages,
shuffling them around with his hands.
"What's this one mean?" he wondered.
"Reviewer? Like a movie review?"
"It could be, if you watch films in
class," said Heron. "Sometimes
a person will come to assess a class.
It can also organize notes for a test --
see where it says Exam Date? So
you could list what you need to study."
"Then I guess printing a couple of
those wouldn't hurt," Shiv said.
"Password Keeper," Heron said,
a tiny wrinkle appearing between
his eyebrows. "Please don't,
unless you can keep it in code."
Shiv smirked. "I draw them too,"
he said. "Can't nobody guess 'em
from just lookin' at my doodles."
"Unless you're around other people
who are visual-native," Heron warned.
Art class. Worldbuilding class. "Nuts,"
Shiv muttered. "You maybe got a point."
"Just hide your doodle clues in a mix of
other things, not on a page that tells
people what they are," Heron said.
"Okay, that'll work," said Shiv.
"Toss that page, I'll use a blank."
Heron put it on the No pile. "Here's
a sleep tracker if you need one."
"The hell?" Shiv said, baffled.
"Most nights, I finish my shift
and then fall into my bed."
Well, sometimes he had
nightmares, but not often.
"College can make that
more complicated, though,"
Heron said. "It did for me, but
I worked through it eventually."
Shiv had heard stories about
Heron keeping odd hours, even
seen proof when Shiv called because
he couldn't sleep and Heron was up
at fuck this o'clock in the morning.
"Well, put one page in, and if I
need more then I can print them
when it comes up," Shiv said.
"How about Birthdays?"
Heron asked him next.
"What the hell for?"
Shiv said. "Yours are
all listed in family files."
"You might make friends
in college," said Heron.
"I certainly did -- that's
how I met my new family."
That was ... possible.
"Okay, keep it," said Shiv.
"Contact Info," Heron read.
"You definitely need this."
"Really?" said Shiv. "It's
in my phone and vidwatch."
"Sometimes it's easier to have
on paper," said Heron. "Also,
you can make one page for
your teachers, another one
for classmates, friends, and
any other categories you want."
"Point," Shiv said. "So three
of those plus an extra one?"
"Four it is," Heron agreed.
"This batch looks financial --
Savings Tracker, To Buy,
and Expense Tracker."
"No," Shiv said. "I've
already got money stuff
in places I've been using,
I don't need new pages
to fuck it up for me."
"All right then, I'll put
these in the No pile,"
Heron said. "That just
leaves a couple of pages
with borders for whatever."
One had squares while
the other had circles.
"Polka dots," Shiv said.
He could color-code them
by doodling lines to connect
the dots with different colors.
Maybe this time it wouldn't
get him sent to the office.
"And that's it," Heron said,
spreading his hands above
the tidy piles. "I have notes
to print out the extra pages of
the ones that need duplicates.
You'll need a binder, though."
"Got that right here," Simon said
as he put several on the table along
with a carton. "These were in the box
of empty binders. We've got dividers,
tabs, cardstock, stickers, pens, markers,
and other office supplies as needed."
"That's a nice pile," Shiv said, thinking
fondly of the stuff Drew had given him
to get started with a binder in prison.
It had actually helped him sort out
his therapy worksheets, and huh,
maybe that was like homework?
Then Simon reached out to add
a weird metal thing. "And here's
a three-hole punch so it doesn't
take forever to assemble," he said.
"Excellent, thank you," said Heron.
"We'll assemble this in no time."
"It seems ... less messy, but is
everything college supposed to fit
in one binder?" Shiv said, frowning.
Simon laughed. "Hell no, but this way
does keep the chaos down to a dull roar."
"It just looks like ... kind of a lot ... really
a lot to memorize," Shiv said, feeling
more than a bit daunted. "I suck at that."
"You don't have to store everything in
your head, or even a binder," Simon said.
"Just learn how to find information at need."
Shiv sucked at that too. He didn't want
to keep whining about it, though. Heron
was already being real patient with him,
and Shiv knew he was a pain in the butt,
so he didn't dare to push his luck too much.
"College education is not a quantitative body
of memorized knowledge salted away in
a card file," Heron said. "It is a taste for
knowledge, a taste for philosophy,
a capacity to explore, to question,
to perceive relationships between
fields of knowledge and experience."
"That doesn't really sound like me,"
Shiv said glumly. "I keep having
that problem when I think about it.
Just like, I don't fit with this shit at all."
"If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change," Heron said.
"I don't get it," Shiv said, frowning at him.
"Try thinking of this as an opportunity
to explore what you want to do, and
what you want to be, instead of just
other people pushing expectations
on you like they have in the past,"
Heron said. "I think you need that."
Shiv let his finger follow the curve
of the messy circle on the cover.
He did kind of like looking at things
from a different angle, the way he
used to lean backwards while holding
onto a fence or a support wire to make
the world seem strange and new.
"I'll try," Shiv said. "Besides, if it
blows up, I'm used to that too."
"I don't think that it will blow up,"
Heron said, ghosting a hand over
Shiv's shoulder. "If you feel like it
might, though, you can call me at
any time, and I'll try to help you get
a lid on whatever is stressing you."
"Thanks," Shiv said. "I'll probably
need to do that. You're always
so calm, and I'm just ... really not."
"Calm can be a personality trait,
like I have," said Heron. "It can also
be a learned skill; there are techniques
you can explore if you want to do that."
"Rosie taught me some stuff," Shiv said.
"Breathing and all -- sometimes it helps."
Just having Heron there for support
helped too. He was like a rock in
a big river, always there, always
steady no matter what happened.
Shiv felt really grateful for that; he
needed something to lean on today.
"Then you might want to put a list in
your binder of things that help when you
start to feel overloaded," Heron suggested.
"Think of it like an emotional first aid kit
that you can carry with you at college."
"That's a good idea," Shiv said. "Maybe
I could do that with my art stuff too."
Sometimes if he drew the bad things
he wanted to do, it let off the pressure
so didn't have to do them for real.
Then Niccolo leaned between them
to put a stack of splendid leather books
and assorted notebooks full of art papers
on the breakfast table. "You pick," he said.
"For me?" Shiv said, startled. He had
seen Niccolo carrying these things,
some with lined paper for writing,
others with blank paper for drawing.
A peek at the pages in one of
the loose notebooks showed
that this was the blank kind,
but there were lined paper and
then watercolor paper in others.
"You sure you can spare this,
Niccolo?" said Shiv. "I don't
want to cut into your, uh, work."
Back in June, Niccolo had gotten
caught in an ugly firefight that left him
with flashbacks, which is why the Family
had sent him here. He was supposed
to handle it through art therapy, not
that it was any of Shiv's business.
"My family sent big box," Niccolo said,
spanning the air with his outstretched arms.
"I have plenty for share. Pick you like best."
Shiv looked at the gorgeous sketchbooks --
actually, sketchbook jackets, he discovered
when he opened the snap securing one.
Inside, it had large pockets on each side
to hold the sketchbook covers, and on
the left, two smaller pockets on top for
art supplies that currently held a set
of charcoals and creme pastel pencils.
The tooled leather had different designs
and colors, from flowers to Italian scrollwork,
mostly done in earth tones or soft pastels,
and small enough to carry comfortably.
Sturdy hand-stitching ran around
the edges, ever so slightly uneven,
making his fingers itch to follow it.
Shiv picked one in a rich brown that
saddlers called "whiskey," which had
a highly textured pattern of leaves and
flowers over the outside and inside.
"I'll take this one," he said as he
pulled it toward himself. "Thanks."
"This too," Niccolo said, offering Shiv
a stack of hand-sized metal cases.
"I bring one of kinds left. All out
of Terra, but still plenty others
that you could choose to try."
"Drat. I like your Terra set --
it's perfect for ethnic skin tones,"
Shiv said. "Wait, I mean, thanks
for offering even more stuff."
Niccolo chuckled. "Terra
my favorite too, why else out?
But try others, all sets good."
Curious, Shiv sorted through
them. There were three sets.
All were perfect plein air size
with twelve half-pan colors.
Barabubbles was all brights,
some almost neon, and it even
had gold and a few pearly ones.
What it didn't have was versatility,
though. Shiv loved those colors for
graffiti but not as much for painting
actual pictures of things he saw.
Fonte was better, more realistic,
but still leaned on the brights
without much in earth tones.
Viaggio had a whole row of
earth tones, and above that, red,
yellow, two blues, and green. It
even included white and black.
"This one, please," Shiv said,
snapping the little case shut.
"Good," said Niccolo. "My family
will be happy. They like artists."
"Seriously though, why are you
doing this?" Shiv asked. "I know
handmade watercolors aren't cheap."
Niccolo shrugged. "You go college.
You need school supplies," he said.
Shiv didn't really want to argue about
whether or not he was really doing this.
"Yeah, okay. Tell everyone thanks."
"You thank," Niccolo said. "Send
painting from college, maybe?"
Shiv nodded. "I can do that."
He rubbed a thumb over
the richly textured leather
of his new notebook jacket.
Shiv wasn't used to people
encouraging him like this,
actually supporting him
when he tried to do things.
Somehow that made him want
to try out all the new goodies.
He leaned against Heron,
just a little, and Heron gave
him a tiny nudge in return.
It was so nice of Heron
to take time out of his day
to show Shiv how to sort out
the mess of school stuff.
Shiv still felt uneasy about
college, but less panicky,
and increasingly curious.
Already he was discovering
new things between the fields
of knowledge and experience.
... maybe it wouldn't blow up after all.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its character, location, and content notes will appear elsewhere.
"Between Fields of Knowledge and Experience"
[Morning of Friday, July 8, 2016]
"You did college, and you actually
finished it," Shiv blurted at Heron.
"Yes, I did," Heron said. He had
come over to visit Tolli and Simon
because they lived pretty close now,
and was currently scrambling eggs.
"How is that suddenly relevant?"
"I uh, my brother Arthur wants me
to go with him, in Omaha," said Shiv.
"And I didn't tell him to fuck off."
Heron almost smiled. "Well,
this ought to get interesting."
"So now I gotta think about it,
and I been talkin' to folks, but
they're old and you just went so
maybe you know more?" Shiv said.
"I'll be happy to share my experiences,"
Heron said. "Perhaps after breakfast?"
"Uh yeah, that's a good idea," Shiv said.
The Italians were huddled around
the epic coffee machine, clutching
an assortment of flaky pastries.
Heron stepped around them as
he carried the eggs to the small table
in the breakfast room, already piled
with platters of sausage, toast, fruit,
and a sizable pot of oatmeal.
Shiv shoveled breakfast onto
his plate, then into his mouth.
Simon set out a casserole dish
full of mixed cherry tomatoes
baked with basil and garlic.
Shiv grabbed a couple pieces of
toast and slopped tomatoes on them.
Yeah, that was really fuckin' good. He
oughta make that at home sometime.
By the time Tolli served slices of
honeydew melon, Shiv was so stuffed
that he could only fit in half a piece.
He belched and said, "Thanks for
breakfast, that was amazing."
"You're welcome," said Heron.
"Shall we revisit the college topic
while we clear off the table?"
"Sure, I'll just --" Shiv began,
reaching for an empty platter.
But the Italians descended
and swept everything into
the kitchen before scattering
to their morning chores, leaving
only Niccolo on the windowseat
sketching something in the yard.
"That takes care of that," Heron said.
"What seems to be on your mind?"
"I just ... I dunno," Shiv said, slumping
against the wall. "I been askin' folks
about different stuff, but it's hard
to keep straight. I ain't even in
college yet and it's already hard!"
"College is hard, but that's what
makes it feel good when you
accomplish things," said Heron.
"It would probably help to set up
something for organization. That
helped me maintain my calm."
"Yeah, but I suck at that sort
of thing," Shiv pointed out.
"I can get you started, though,"
said Heron. "Let's see, you
keep a pocket calendar, right?"
"Daybook," Shiv said, patting it.
"I'd be lost without it. Boss White
gimme one and I kept up with it."
"All right, let's build on that,"
said Heron. "What style do
you like? A bound notebook?
A looseleaf binder of some sort?"
"I like binders," Shiv said. "Drew
showed me how to make one work
with the things I liked or needed."
"Then we can look at printables,"
said Heron. "This way, you can
run off as many pages as you need,
and skip anything that you don't."
"Okay," said Shiv. "I thought
about maybe doing something
like that for the art stuff, you know,
for sketch paper and pencils and all."
"That's a good idea too," said Heron.
He activated his tablet computer and
opened a file. "Here, look at these."
Curious, Shiv skimmed the screen
and saw a variety of college planners.
Some were way too cartoony for his taste,
but others looked a lot more practical.
"Maybe this one?" Shiv said tentatively.
"Is this good? I dunno what to look for."
"Everything in our family file of organizers
is good," said Heron. "Let me see that --
oh yes, this is similar to one I've used.
I'll send a copy to the printer, then we
can play around with different orders
and see which pages you want to use."
It didn't take long for the household printer
to spit out a pile of pages for Heron to fetch.
He spread them on the breakfast table.
"Okay, start by picking a cover," he said.
"I like to set the tone for mine that way."
"I don't like the striped ones," Shiv said,
shoving them away. They reminded him
of prison, but he didn't mention that.
"That leaves the plain square or
this swishy circle," said Heron.
The square was boring as fuck.
"Maybe the circle?" Shiv said. He
liked how that wasn't too perfect.
"A good beginning, and you can
always change your mind later,"
Heron said. "I strongly recommend
the name page, but it's up to you
how much of that to fill in -- you
can just put enough for someone
to return it if you lose the binder."
Shiv really, really didn't want to put
a ton of work into this only to lose it.
"Yeah, definitely keep that one."
Heron put the chosen cover and
the name page into a "Yes" pile.
"Here's one you might want to print
a lot of," he said, tapping a page
that read, Daily Schedule. "I used
something similar for days that were
really packed, like during final exams
or weekends with multiple workshops."
"I'll need that," Shiv muttered. "I'd be
juggling school, work, and what-all else.
Dunno how I'll manage all that crap."
"Remember that work is required
to accommodate school if you
give proper notice," said Heron.
"Blues Moon is a good place."
"Yeah, Tolli and Simon said
that some jobs pay for college,"
Shiv mused. "I don't need money
for it but maybe there's other perks.
Some of my certs and workshops
counted toward my deskwork."
"Definitely check that," said Heron.
"What classes are you considering?
Anything relevant to your day job?"
"Nebraska en Plein Air and
Worldbuilding, so no, not really,"
Shiv said. "I don't think college
offers classes on bouncing."
"No, but I know you do art
at work, that makes it relevant,"
Heron said. "College certainly offers
classes on nutrition, culinary arts, and
music, if you like. You should ask."
"Huh," Shiv said, thinking about
the chalkboard menus, travel cups,
and other art he'd done. He wasn't
sure if he could handle classes on
cooking or music, but at least they
were topics he liked. "Guess so."
"Weekly and monthly schedules,"
said Heron. "You'll want enough of
these to cover your first semester.
Use them to track things that don't
repeat, like an evening seminar
or a concert you want to catch."
It suddenly dawned on Shiv that
he could get a student discount or
free tickets to a bunch of stuff he'd
been skipping because it was pricey.
Well, that didn't suck much at all.
"Goals for This Year," Heron read
as he picked up the next page.
Shiv squeaked on the inhale,
and suddenly there wasn't
near enough air in the air.
Instantly Heron patted him
on the back, unlocking his lungs.
"We'll set that one aside," Heron said,
putting it facedown. "You can always
come back to it later if you need it."
Good. That was good. Shiv tended
to have a panic attack every January
when he had to set the year's goals,
and he hadn't accounted for college
in this year's goal planning at all.
"To-Do List and My Notes,"
Heron said. "Simple, versatile,
and they give you different ways
to organize all kinds of ideas.
Does that fit you better?"
"Yeah," Shiv said, tracing
the box on My Notes. "I like
this one better, it's got space
where I could draw instead of
write. The other's all lines."
"True, but it has wide margins
where you could draw things,
like you do for your grocery list,"
Heron said. "Would that work?"
It worked for groceries, and Shiv
liked Heron acknowledging that.
"I think so," Shiv said. "Okay,
maybe ten of the To-Do List
and twenty of My Notes?"
"Agreed," Heron said, making
a note. "Class Schedule -- this is
critical and you'll use it a lot at first.
I kept mine right inside the front cover,
opposite the name page, to make it
easy for me to find in a hurry."
"Good idea," Shiv said. "I don't
want to get lost or show up late.
That always pisses people off."
"You can just tell your teachers
if you need extra time or help with
things," Heron said. "Moving along,
here's a Project Planner. This is
good for big things like a term paper."
"I can't fuckin' write!" Shiv squealed,
starting to panic again. "Fuck, fuck,
this is a terrible idea, I can't I can't --"
"All right, just breathe," Heron coached,
flipping the page. "Writing can feel scary,
but not every class is like that." He waited
for Shiv to catch his breath, then went on,
"You could use this page to organize
other things, like a large painting."
Shiv tried to drag his brain back
in gear. "It had ... a shopping list?"
"It has boxes for Materials Needed
and for Resources," Heron confirmed.
"Then yeah, maybe print out a few
of those pages," Shiv conceded.
"Assignment Tracker," Heron read.
"You need this. Even I couldn't
have kept all my assignments
straight without writing it down."
Shiv nibbled his lip. His memories
of assignments were mostly bad.
"If I have to," he grumbled.
"Grade Tracker," Heron said.
"Oh hell no," Shiv snapped. "I
don't give a fuck about grades.
I'm just doin' it for Arthur anyhow.
I know I'm gonna flunk, I always do."
"I think we can agree that most or all
of your previous teachers were imbeciles,"
Heron said evenly. "Don't judge by them."
But he turned over the page anyway.
Shiv couldn't argue with that. He
had hated most all his teachers.
He wasn't sure college would be
better -- look at Professor Ass-born.
Then again, Arthur had introduced Shiv
to his favorite teachers, and they seemed
nice, so ... maybe it wouldn't all suck?
"School Activities," Heron read. "This is
another option for tracking things like
concerts or workshops, but also for
club meetings or talks with teachers."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said Shiv.
"I'll have to coordinate with other folks
because both of the things I'm thinking
about taking have mix-and-match hours."
"Flex classes," Heron said, eyebrows
lifting. "That's an excellent choice for you
because they give you so much flexibility."
"Choices are good," Shiv said. Yeah,
the Finns had taught him all about that.
"Nebraska en Plein Air is supposed
to have field trips on the weekends."
"My Thoughts," Heron read, showing
him a page that had just that title and
a blank space. "Good for notes, but
also for constructive doodling."
"That just gets me in trouble,"
Shiv muttered, although he
really liked the blank page.
It would be nice to have
some empty paper tucked
in his regular binder so that
he wouldn't have to haul out
the art one for every little thing.
"As I said, your teachers were
imbeciles," said Heron. "Plenty
of people take notes visually.
I know you do because I've
seen your shopping lists."
Shiv liked to make those
with copy-paste images or
draw little pictures of things.
If he could do that for school and
not get reamed, then it might work.
"I like taking notes with pictures,
but then folks get mad," Shiv said.
"You might be surprised," said Heron.
"Why don't you check the course catalog
at your college? Mine had a number of
classes on basic skills, including notes,
and one of them taught visual notetaking.
You might find one in Omaha, too."
"Okay, that is kinda tempting,"
Shiv confessed. "I could look."
He didn't promise to enroll in
anything, but it did sound cool.
He did like illustrating his notes.
Shiv looked at the remaining pages,
shuffling them around with his hands.
"What's this one mean?" he wondered.
"Reviewer? Like a movie review?"
"It could be, if you watch films in
class," said Heron. "Sometimes
a person will come to assess a class.
It can also organize notes for a test --
see where it says Exam Date? So
you could list what you need to study."
"Then I guess printing a couple of
those wouldn't hurt," Shiv said.
"Password Keeper," Heron said,
a tiny wrinkle appearing between
his eyebrows. "Please don't,
unless you can keep it in code."
Shiv smirked. "I draw them too,"
he said. "Can't nobody guess 'em
from just lookin' at my doodles."
"Unless you're around other people
who are visual-native," Heron warned.
Art class. Worldbuilding class. "Nuts,"
Shiv muttered. "You maybe got a point."
"Just hide your doodle clues in a mix of
other things, not on a page that tells
people what they are," Heron said.
"Okay, that'll work," said Shiv.
"Toss that page, I'll use a blank."
Heron put it on the No pile. "Here's
a sleep tracker if you need one."
"The hell?" Shiv said, baffled.
"Most nights, I finish my shift
and then fall into my bed."
Well, sometimes he had
nightmares, but not often.
"College can make that
more complicated, though,"
Heron said. "It did for me, but
I worked through it eventually."
Shiv had heard stories about
Heron keeping odd hours, even
seen proof when Shiv called because
he couldn't sleep and Heron was up
at fuck this o'clock in the morning.
"Well, put one page in, and if I
need more then I can print them
when it comes up," Shiv said.
"How about Birthdays?"
Heron asked him next.
"What the hell for?"
Shiv said. "Yours are
all listed in family files."
"You might make friends
in college," said Heron.
"I certainly did -- that's
how I met my new family."
That was ... possible.
"Okay, keep it," said Shiv.
"Contact Info," Heron read.
"You definitely need this."
"Really?" said Shiv. "It's
in my phone and vidwatch."
"Sometimes it's easier to have
on paper," said Heron. "Also,
you can make one page for
your teachers, another one
for classmates, friends, and
any other categories you want."
"Point," Shiv said. "So three
of those plus an extra one?"
"Four it is," Heron agreed.
"This batch looks financial --
Savings Tracker, To Buy,
and Expense Tracker."
"No," Shiv said. "I've
already got money stuff
in places I've been using,
I don't need new pages
to fuck it up for me."
"All right then, I'll put
these in the No pile,"
Heron said. "That just
leaves a couple of pages
with borders for whatever."
One had squares while
the other had circles.
"Polka dots," Shiv said.
He could color-code them
by doodling lines to connect
the dots with different colors.
Maybe this time it wouldn't
get him sent to the office.
"And that's it," Heron said,
spreading his hands above
the tidy piles. "I have notes
to print out the extra pages of
the ones that need duplicates.
You'll need a binder, though."
"Got that right here," Simon said
as he put several on the table along
with a carton. "These were in the box
of empty binders. We've got dividers,
tabs, cardstock, stickers, pens, markers,
and other office supplies as needed."
"That's a nice pile," Shiv said, thinking
fondly of the stuff Drew had given him
to get started with a binder in prison.
It had actually helped him sort out
his therapy worksheets, and huh,
maybe that was like homework?
Then Simon reached out to add
a weird metal thing. "And here's
a three-hole punch so it doesn't
take forever to assemble," he said.
"Excellent, thank you," said Heron.
"We'll assemble this in no time."
"It seems ... less messy, but is
everything college supposed to fit
in one binder?" Shiv said, frowning.
Simon laughed. "Hell no, but this way
does keep the chaos down to a dull roar."
"It just looks like ... kind of a lot ... really
a lot to memorize," Shiv said, feeling
more than a bit daunted. "I suck at that."
"You don't have to store everything in
your head, or even a binder," Simon said.
"Just learn how to find information at need."
Shiv sucked at that too. He didn't want
to keep whining about it, though. Heron
was already being real patient with him,
and Shiv knew he was a pain in the butt,
so he didn't dare to push his luck too much.
"College education is not a quantitative body
of memorized knowledge salted away in
a card file," Heron said. "It is a taste for
knowledge, a taste for philosophy,
a capacity to explore, to question,
to perceive relationships between
fields of knowledge and experience."
"That doesn't really sound like me,"
Shiv said glumly. "I keep having
that problem when I think about it.
Just like, I don't fit with this shit at all."
"If you change the way you look at things,
the things you look at change," Heron said.
"I don't get it," Shiv said, frowning at him.
"Try thinking of this as an opportunity
to explore what you want to do, and
what you want to be, instead of just
other people pushing expectations
on you like they have in the past,"
Heron said. "I think you need that."
Shiv let his finger follow the curve
of the messy circle on the cover.
He did kind of like looking at things
from a different angle, the way he
used to lean backwards while holding
onto a fence or a support wire to make
the world seem strange and new.
"I'll try," Shiv said. "Besides, if it
blows up, I'm used to that too."
"I don't think that it will blow up,"
Heron said, ghosting a hand over
Shiv's shoulder. "If you feel like it
might, though, you can call me at
any time, and I'll try to help you get
a lid on whatever is stressing you."
"Thanks," Shiv said. "I'll probably
need to do that. You're always
so calm, and I'm just ... really not."
"Calm can be a personality trait,
like I have," said Heron. "It can also
be a learned skill; there are techniques
you can explore if you want to do that."
"Rosie taught me some stuff," Shiv said.
"Breathing and all -- sometimes it helps."
Just having Heron there for support
helped too. He was like a rock in
a big river, always there, always
steady no matter what happened.
Shiv felt really grateful for that; he
needed something to lean on today.
"Then you might want to put a list in
your binder of things that help when you
start to feel overloaded," Heron suggested.
"Think of it like an emotional first aid kit
that you can carry with you at college."
"That's a good idea," Shiv said. "Maybe
I could do that with my art stuff too."
Sometimes if he drew the bad things
he wanted to do, it let off the pressure
so didn't have to do them for real.
Then Niccolo leaned between them
to put a stack of splendid leather books
and assorted notebooks full of art papers
on the breakfast table. "You pick," he said.
"For me?" Shiv said, startled. He had
seen Niccolo carrying these things,
some with lined paper for writing,
others with blank paper for drawing.
A peek at the pages in one of
the loose notebooks showed
that this was the blank kind,
but there were lined paper and
then watercolor paper in others.
"You sure you can spare this,
Niccolo?" said Shiv. "I don't
want to cut into your, uh, work."
Back in June, Niccolo had gotten
caught in an ugly firefight that left him
with flashbacks, which is why the Family
had sent him here. He was supposed
to handle it through art therapy, not
that it was any of Shiv's business.
"My family sent big box," Niccolo said,
spanning the air with his outstretched arms.
"I have plenty for share. Pick you like best."
Shiv looked at the gorgeous sketchbooks --
actually, sketchbook jackets, he discovered
when he opened the snap securing one.
Inside, it had large pockets on each side
to hold the sketchbook covers, and on
the left, two smaller pockets on top for
art supplies that currently held a set
of charcoals and creme pastel pencils.
The tooled leather had different designs
and colors, from flowers to Italian scrollwork,
mostly done in earth tones or soft pastels,
and small enough to carry comfortably.
Sturdy hand-stitching ran around
the edges, ever so slightly uneven,
making his fingers itch to follow it.
Shiv picked one in a rich brown that
saddlers called "whiskey," which had
a highly textured pattern of leaves and
flowers over the outside and inside.
"I'll take this one," he said as he
pulled it toward himself. "Thanks."
"This too," Niccolo said, offering Shiv
a stack of hand-sized metal cases.
"I bring one of kinds left. All out
of Terra, but still plenty others
that you could choose to try."
"Drat. I like your Terra set --
it's perfect for ethnic skin tones,"
Shiv said. "Wait, I mean, thanks
for offering even more stuff."
Niccolo chuckled. "Terra
my favorite too, why else out?
But try others, all sets good."
Curious, Shiv sorted through
them. There were three sets.
All were perfect plein air size
with twelve half-pan colors.
Barabubbles was all brights,
some almost neon, and it even
had gold and a few pearly ones.
What it didn't have was versatility,
though. Shiv loved those colors for
graffiti but not as much for painting
actual pictures of things he saw.
Fonte was better, more realistic,
but still leaned on the brights
without much in earth tones.
Viaggio had a whole row of
earth tones, and above that, red,
yellow, two blues, and green. It
even included white and black.
"This one, please," Shiv said,
snapping the little case shut.
"Good," said Niccolo. "My family
will be happy. They like artists."
"Seriously though, why are you
doing this?" Shiv asked. "I know
handmade watercolors aren't cheap."
Niccolo shrugged. "You go college.
You need school supplies," he said.
Shiv didn't really want to argue about
whether or not he was really doing this.
"Yeah, okay. Tell everyone thanks."
"You thank," Niccolo said. "Send
painting from college, maybe?"
Shiv nodded. "I can do that."
He rubbed a thumb over
the richly textured leather
of his new notebook jacket.
Shiv wasn't used to people
encouraging him like this,
actually supporting him
when he tried to do things.
Somehow that made him want
to try out all the new goodies.
He leaned against Heron,
just a little, and Heron gave
him a tiny nudge in return.
It was so nice of Heron
to take time out of his day
to show Shiv how to sort out
the mess of school stuff.
Shiv still felt uneasy about
college, but less panicky,
and increasingly curious.
Already he was discovering
new things between the fields
of knowledge and experience.
... maybe it wouldn't blow up after all.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its character, location, and content notes will appear elsewhere.