Poem: "Part of Our Reality"
This poem is spillover from the September 5, 2023 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by prompts from Dreamwidth users Siliconshaman, Kengr, and wyld_dandelyon. It also fills the "Discovery" square in my 9-1-23 card for the Story Sparks Bingo fest. This poem has been sponsored by janetmiles. It belongs to Finn Family thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the more detailed warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes frank talk about sex parts, unexpected sex/gender shifting, physical awkwardness due to unfamiliar parts, bathroom quandaries, gender identity issues, clothing complications, emotional upset, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Part of Our Reality"
[April 2015]
Jackie didn't know what to do with her penis.
That wasn't so surprising, given that
she wasn't supposed to have one.
After the seminar, she had made
her way to the bathrooms only to find
that, because female sales clerks in
attendance outnumbered men ten to
one, the line was just impassable.
So she snuck off to find one
of the less-used men's rooms,
only to have someone holler at her
because of her pale peach T-shirt,
"Hey lady, you can't come in here!"
And then she'd felt a penis in her pants,
and her breasts were gone, and she'd
stared slack-jawed at the older man
who stammered an apology and
hastily backed away from her.
Should Jackie still think of
herself as "her" like this?
It was hard with a penis
in her pants, and she was
really going to have to do
something with it soon,
because her eyeballs
were just about floating.,
Jackie took a deep breath
to calm herself and tried
to think it out logically.
She needed to open
her fly and take the thing
out and ... what did men do?
Aim it, somehow, and let go?
Jackie wound up peeing
all over the toilet and the floor.
Aiming was a lot harder than it
looked. It was like the thing
had a mind of its own.
Jackie put it back in
her pants and walked
out of the men's room.
Suddenly, the penis
disappeared completely
and her breasts came back.
Well, okay then, she'd just
pretend that it never happened.
That didn't work out so well.
Jackie found that, in times when
it would be more useful to be male
than female, the penis reappeared.
There had been the issue with
the catcallers, and the time when
someone had demanded her wallet,
only to scuttle away when she (he?)
had turned around to face the threat.
Jackie began to experiment with
dressing in ways that wouldn't
clash so much when shifting sex,
which mostly meant sorting out
basics that were nearly unisex.
When the penis came out,
Jackie tried thinking of himself
as "he" and exploring the things
that guys were supposed to like,
but the automotive store had been
too confusing and that one bar
was just plain embarrassing.
"Can I help you?" the clerk had
asked at the hardware store,
and Jackie had admitted,
"I'm not sure anyone can."
There had been a flyer
on the bulletin board at
the community center,
though, where Jackie
was browsing classes
for men and for women,
that read Soup to Nuts.
It was supposed to be for
people struggling with
new superpowers, so
maybe they could help.
Jackie drove down from
Grants Pass, Oregon to
Mercedes, California.
Soup to Nuts was
actually a cluster of
facilities, in which
the main office held
most of the counseling.
Jackie wasn't impressed
by the quiet blond man in
the loud sweater vest, but
she was desperate enough
to try just about anything,
and he didn't laugh when
she explained the problem,
so that was a decent start.
"I don't know what to do,"
she finished. "I don't know
how to control this, or even
if it can be controlled."
"That's okay," said Dr. G.
"Most people who manifest
gendershifting can learn
how to control the changes."
"That's ... good, I guess,"
said Jackie. "This is just hard."
"Of course it is," said Dr. G.
"You weren't expecting this,
so naturally it shook you up."
"Yeah," said Jackie. "I was
just a normal woman, and now
I'm anything but normal. I really
don't know how to deal with this stuff.
"Gender diversity is part of our reality,"
said Dr. G. "The sooner that we can
hold space for the complexity of this,
the closer we will come to a future that
celebrates all genders and sexualities,
and cares for and protects all bodies."
"I've been ... sort of trying," said Jackie.
"I'm going by 'he' when I have a penis,
but I don't really know how to be a guy."
"Do you want to?" Dr. G asked. "Or
are you more interested in tucking it all
back inside so you can be a woman?"
"I don't know," said Jackie. "I admit
that being male sometimes has its uses."
"That's a good start," said Dr. G. "I suggest
that you put some time into thinking about
what it womanhood and manhood mean
to you personally. You might also talk with
a gender counselor. For most gendershifters,
that discovery is paramount to learning how
to switch consciously between the two -- you
have to know what you're aiming for to hit it."
"That makes sense," Jackie said, then
sighed. "I don't know much about it,
though. Never really thought of it."
"Most people don't," said Dr. G.
"That's okay. You can start at
the beginning. You might even
find the studies interesting."
"Like how?" Jackie asked.
"Well, some people take
Gender Studies as a major in
college, while others learn on
their own," said Dr. G. "There's
plenty of material on it that you
can explore when you're ready."
"Heck, I'm lucky if I can manage
to dress myself nowadays,"
Jackie said, shaking her head.
"What have you found difficult
recently?" Dr. G asked her.
"If I switch, sometimes
my clothes don't fit, or they
look wrong on me," Jackie said,
tugging at the loose beige T-shirt.
"Have you tried any solutions yet,
or are you still struggling?" said Dr. G.
"I'm trying to find some clothes that don't
look too girlish or boyish," said Jackie.
"T-shirts, jeans, everyone wears those."
"Ah, that's an excellent first step,"
said Dr. G. "Many gendershifters
and genderfluid people build up
a core wardrobe of unisex clothes,
then add a set for each specific gender.
I can help with that if you like -- we
have catalogs of genderfree and
gendered clothes for folks to browse."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said Jackie.
"I want some stuff that's softer, so it
won't cut into me when I shift."
"Athleisure or loungewear,"
Dr. G said promptly. "Yes,
we recommend that for shifters
of all sorts, because most of it is
knitted and that's very forgiving."
He brought out catalogs, and
Jackie soon found jogging suits
and separates in the soft shades
of brown and beige that she favored
as well as the light blues that were
more suited to her male form.
The thick boot socks and
fuzzy slippers tempted her too.
"Go ahead," Dr. G urged. "It's
good to take care of yourself
when you're feeling tender
after life knocks you around.
Self-care helps you heal."
Jackie jotted down
the product numbers
for the cozy things
that she wanted.
She wasn't sure, yet,
how to make all of
this weird gender stuff
part of her reality, but
she definitely felt grateful
that she found a guide for it.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.
Warning: This poem contains intense and controversial topics. Highlight to read the more detailed warnings, some of which are spoilers. It includes frank talk about sex parts, unexpected sex/gender shifting, physical awkwardness due to unfamiliar parts, bathroom quandaries, gender identity issues, clothing complications, emotional upset, and other challenges. If these are sensitive issues for you, please consider your tastes and headspace before reading onward.
"Part of Our Reality"
[April 2015]
Jackie didn't know what to do with her penis.
That wasn't so surprising, given that
she wasn't supposed to have one.
After the seminar, she had made
her way to the bathrooms only to find
that, because female sales clerks in
attendance outnumbered men ten to
one, the line was just impassable.
So she snuck off to find one
of the less-used men's rooms,
only to have someone holler at her
because of her pale peach T-shirt,
"Hey lady, you can't come in here!"
And then she'd felt a penis in her pants,
and her breasts were gone, and she'd
stared slack-jawed at the older man
who stammered an apology and
hastily backed away from her.
Should Jackie still think of
herself as "her" like this?
It was hard with a penis
in her pants, and she was
really going to have to do
something with it soon,
because her eyeballs
were just about floating.,
Jackie took a deep breath
to calm herself and tried
to think it out logically.
She needed to open
her fly and take the thing
out and ... what did men do?
Aim it, somehow, and let go?
Jackie wound up peeing
all over the toilet and the floor.
Aiming was a lot harder than it
looked. It was like the thing
had a mind of its own.
Jackie put it back in
her pants and walked
out of the men's room.
Suddenly, the penis
disappeared completely
and her breasts came back.
Well, okay then, she'd just
pretend that it never happened.
That didn't work out so well.
Jackie found that, in times when
it would be more useful to be male
than female, the penis reappeared.
There had been the issue with
the catcallers, and the time when
someone had demanded her wallet,
only to scuttle away when she (he?)
had turned around to face the threat.
Jackie began to experiment with
dressing in ways that wouldn't
clash so much when shifting sex,
which mostly meant sorting out
basics that were nearly unisex.
When the penis came out,
Jackie tried thinking of himself
as "he" and exploring the things
that guys were supposed to like,
but the automotive store had been
too confusing and that one bar
was just plain embarrassing.
"Can I help you?" the clerk had
asked at the hardware store,
and Jackie had admitted,
"I'm not sure anyone can."
There had been a flyer
on the bulletin board at
the community center,
though, where Jackie
was browsing classes
for men and for women,
that read Soup to Nuts.
It was supposed to be for
people struggling with
new superpowers, so
maybe they could help.
Jackie drove down from
Grants Pass, Oregon to
Mercedes, California.
Soup to Nuts was
actually a cluster of
facilities, in which
the main office held
most of the counseling.
Jackie wasn't impressed
by the quiet blond man in
the loud sweater vest, but
she was desperate enough
to try just about anything,
and he didn't laugh when
she explained the problem,
so that was a decent start.
"I don't know what to do,"
she finished. "I don't know
how to control this, or even
if it can be controlled."
"That's okay," said Dr. G.
"Most people who manifest
gendershifting can learn
how to control the changes."
"That's ... good, I guess,"
said Jackie. "This is just hard."
"Of course it is," said Dr. G.
"You weren't expecting this,
so naturally it shook you up."
"Yeah," said Jackie. "I was
just a normal woman, and now
I'm anything but normal. I really
don't know how to deal with this stuff.
"Gender diversity is part of our reality,"
said Dr. G. "The sooner that we can
hold space for the complexity of this,
the closer we will come to a future that
celebrates all genders and sexualities,
and cares for and protects all bodies."
"I've been ... sort of trying," said Jackie.
"I'm going by 'he' when I have a penis,
but I don't really know how to be a guy."
"Do you want to?" Dr. G asked. "Or
are you more interested in tucking it all
back inside so you can be a woman?"
"I don't know," said Jackie. "I admit
that being male sometimes has its uses."
"That's a good start," said Dr. G. "I suggest
that you put some time into thinking about
what it womanhood and manhood mean
to you personally. You might also talk with
a gender counselor. For most gendershifters,
that discovery is paramount to learning how
to switch consciously between the two -- you
have to know what you're aiming for to hit it."
"That makes sense," Jackie said, then
sighed. "I don't know much about it,
though. Never really thought of it."
"Most people don't," said Dr. G.
"That's okay. You can start at
the beginning. You might even
find the studies interesting."
"Like how?" Jackie asked.
"Well, some people take
Gender Studies as a major in
college, while others learn on
their own," said Dr. G. "There's
plenty of material on it that you
can explore when you're ready."
"Heck, I'm lucky if I can manage
to dress myself nowadays,"
Jackie said, shaking her head.
"What have you found difficult
recently?" Dr. G asked her.
"If I switch, sometimes
my clothes don't fit, or they
look wrong on me," Jackie said,
tugging at the loose beige T-shirt.
"Have you tried any solutions yet,
or are you still struggling?" said Dr. G.
"I'm trying to find some clothes that don't
look too girlish or boyish," said Jackie.
"T-shirts, jeans, everyone wears those."
"Ah, that's an excellent first step,"
said Dr. G. "Many gendershifters
and genderfluid people build up
a core wardrobe of unisex clothes,
then add a set for each specific gender.
I can help with that if you like -- we
have catalogs of genderfree and
gendered clothes for folks to browse."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," said Jackie.
"I want some stuff that's softer, so it
won't cut into me when I shift."
"Athleisure or loungewear,"
Dr. G said promptly. "Yes,
we recommend that for shifters
of all sorts, because most of it is
knitted and that's very forgiving."
He brought out catalogs, and
Jackie soon found jogging suits
and separates in the soft shades
of brown and beige that she favored
as well as the light blues that were
more suited to her male form.
The thick boot socks and
fuzzy slippers tempted her too.
"Go ahead," Dr. G urged. "It's
good to take care of yourself
when you're feeling tender
after life knocks you around.
Self-care helps you heal."
Jackie jotted down
the product numbers
for the cozy things
that she wanted.
She wasn't sure, yet,
how to make all of
this weird gender stuff
part of her reality, but
she definitely felt grateful
that she found a guide for it.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its notes appear elsewhere.