Poem: "Beneath the Willow Tree"
This poem is spillover from the May 2, 2017 Poetry Fishbowl. It was inspired by a prompt from Dreamwidth user Callibr8. It also fills the "trauma" square in my 1-1-17 card for the Dark Fantasy Bingo fest. This poem is posted as barter for DW user Nsfwords updating the Officer Pink page. It belongs to the Officer Pink thread of the Polychrome Heroics series.
"Beneath the Willow Tree"
Mingxia got off the bus at Dolores Park,
but instead of walking right to her meeting,
she sat down to regroup for a minute in
the little log-cabin bus shelter.
Her fingers restlessly traced the edges
of the two photographs: one worn soft from
long handling, the other crisp and new.
The first showed Dru as a shy, towheaded child
while the second showed Turq as a sad young man
with hair shading from turquoise to periwinkle.
Happy as she was to reunite with her son,
it left her with a painful jumble of feelings --
especially since her support group consisted
mostly of people who could not get
their lost ones back like she had.
Mingxia sighed and put her pictures away,
then headed to the Willow Tree Women's Group.
In nicer weather, they met under one of
the big weeping willows that stood beside
Lake Maria de los Dolores, which had
a half-circle bench wrapped around it.
Mingxia walked past the tree, tugging
her coat close against the winter chill, and
walked up the driveway to the barbecue pavilion
where they gathered during the cold season.
Inside the lodge part lay a living room with
a cozy couch and chairs. Someone had
already lit a fire in the big stone hearth.
Braon Marchateau dit Lebeau
was trying to juggle her baby Felice
and her diaper bag at the same time.
After conceiving a child from rape --
and then losing her rapist -- Braon
wasn't doing well as a single mother.
Akela Karimi came over and said, "Ah,
let me borrow your little bundle of luck!
Maybe then some of it will rub off on me."
"She's been fussing," said Braon.
"I think she needs a diaper change."
Mingxia watched them work with
a fond smile. Akela's miscarriages
made her miserable, but helping Braon
with Felice seemed to cheer her up.
Labroncé Baum puttered around
the fireplace, and when she put
another log on, it released a plume
of sparks. The room was fragrant
with wisps of smoke from the pine.
When Dimi Mingana began picking up
the throw pillows so people could sit
on the couch, Mingxia went over
to give her a hand with that.
They were close, because Dimi had
lost her stepchildren to a messy divorce
and subsequent adoption by the new wife,
while Mingxia had lost her foster children
back into the system from which they came.
"You look stressed," Dimi said to her.
"Rough day, or something else?"
"Big news," Mingxia said. "It's good,
or mostly good, but hard to handle."
"I understand," Dimi said, putting
the pillows into the storage bench
that stretched under the side window.
"Thanks," Mingxia said. "It helps
to have support at a time like this."
Soon they all gathered around
the rustic wooden coffee table, finding
their seats on the couch and chairs.
Labroncé poured out cups
of lactose-free hot chocolate,
since the support group was
ethnically mixed and most of them
couldn't digest dairy very well.
Dimi opened the circle with
the check-in questions. "What’s up
for you, in your life? What’s one new
and interesting thing that you have
been thinking about lately?"
"My idiot shrink tried to convince me
that I'm depressed again," said Labroncé.
"I told him my boyfriend killed himself in prison.
I'm not depressed, I'm sad. Tyreeq's cellmate
is getting out soon, so Lexus and I are going
to meet for coffee and talk about him."
"Sometimes it helps to keep in touch
with others who remember the one
you lost," Mingxia said. "I hope
that works out for you two."
"Another red month for me,"
Akela said. She and her husband
kept trying for a baby of their own, and
every period brought its own regret.
The other women murmured sympathy.
"Work is being iffy again," said Braon.
"They're starting up a group for mothers
who breastfeed, but --" She shrugged.
"-- the tone seems like business as usual."
That is, nobody wanted to be around
a mother who was happy about a baby
conceived from rape, let alone sad over
losing a man she knew and her baby's father.
"Well, my news is good," said Dimi. "I'm feeling
hopeful because we found a really good startup
to fund at work, a team of geek girls who want
to write programs to meet women's needs.
We're helping them to apply for grants."
She'd had a hard time recovering
her business momentum after
her husband had left her and
taken everything with him.
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Braon.
"We need more women programmers,
guys don't always think the way we do."
Then it was Mingxia's turn.
She took a deep breath and said,
"We found Dru -- well, it's Turq now,
he changed his name, but we found him."
"Congratulations," Dimi said warmly.
"That's three down, two to go."
Mingxia still felt guilty about
losing her foster children back
to the system after Baozhen was
born so sickly, and it had taken time
to recover from her daughter's death
before she could even muster
the energy to look for them.
So far, she had managed
to reconnect with Andeana,
but Benedict wanted nothing
to do with them. She didn't even
have any leads on Jada or Seth.
"Do you want to go first today?"
Braon asked. "For me and Akela, it's
mostly more of the same. Labroncé has
a plan already, and Demi's news is good."
"I'd like that, yes," said Mingxia. She
took a sip of hot chocolate to soothe
her nerves. That helped a little. "We
talked with Turq over the phone
and then we met in person."
"How are you doing?" Dimi asked.
"I'm ... feeling things," Mingxia said.
"In a good hour, I'm processing;
in a bad one, I'm floundering."
"I know that feel, sis,"
Labroncé said with a nod.
"I have all these emotions
muddled together -- grief over
missing so much of his life, joy at
getting him back, guilt that I didn't
find him sooner when he needed me,
relief that he's still alive -- it's like
stirring up a puddle," Mingxia said.
"Love," Dimi added. "That never fades,
no matter how long you've been apart."
Mingxia nodded, unable to speak, and
Dimi nudged the tissues toward her.
After blowing her nose, Mingxia
found her voice again. "I'm trying
to work through this on my own time,
so I can be strong for everyone else, but
sometimes it's really hard to be the rock."
"You can fall apart in here," Braon said.
"God knows, we've all done it plenty."
"How is your son doing?" Akela said.
"Turq is trying to reach out, but he's
having a hard time too," Mingxia said.
She took out both pictures and then
placed them on the coffee table.
"He gave us the new one."
"He sure is rockin' that hair,"
Labroncé said. "I don't even know
anyone who can dye that well."
"That's natural," Mingxia said quietly.
She took a big gulp of hot chocolate.
"Oops," Labroncé said, covering
her mouth. "Sorry about that.
I mean, sorry I mistook the color,
not that crayon soups are bad."
Turq was considerably more
than a crayon soup, but that
wasn't something Mingxia
wanted to share yet.
"Wow, he seems really sad,"
Braon said. "Look at his eyes."
"He is," Mingxia said. "So far,
Turq has only told us a little about
what happened to him after we got
separated, but it's ... pretty bad, and
I have reason to suspect that there's
worse than what he's mentioned."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Akela said.
"What are you doing for him so far?"
"Mostly just talking," Mingxia said.
"We offered him the teen room that
we keep in the basement, but Turq isn't
ready for that yet. So we logged it as
occupied, in case he wants a place
of his own when he comes to visit."
"That's an excellent idea," said Dimi.
"My sister keeps a guest room for her boys,
even though they all have apartments
or even houses by now. It helps."
"Have you told the other children yet?"
Akela said. "They'll need to know."
"We're working on it," Mingxia said.
"Part of the challenge is figuring out what
to tell them. Andeana should know as much
as we do, but Benedict isn't speaking to us.
The ones who came after Turq are fairly young."
"That sounds hard on everyone," Braon said.
"It is, but we have good emotional skills,
or at least most of us do," Mingxia said.
"We'll get through this eventually. I'm not
at liberty to say much more, but I'll try to warn
the group before anything hits the news."
Dimi's eyebrows went up. "You think
it's going to get that bad?" she said.
"Just from what I know already, it will,
since Family Services went horribly wrong,"
said Mingxia. "Then add in the charges against
whomever hurt Turq, and it's a serious mess.
Dao's brother Fang is already on the trail."
"Somebody's gonna get it,"
Labroncé sang under her breath.
Akela tsked at her.
"No, it's okay, right now I want
to see people punished for what
they did to my son," Mingxia said.
"I suppose that doesn't make me
a very good Buddhist today, but
there will be other days."
"You don't have to forgive them,"
Braon said firmly. "You feel what
you feel. Worry about karma later."
"Let Turq know that we're thinking
of him, if you believe that would help,"
Dimi said, leaning forward. "Even though
he doesn't know us, we're here for him.
We'd like to meet him, if he's willing."
"Thank you," Mingxia said. "It might
help him form some new connections.
Then she sighed. "I suspect that Turq may
have some disenfranchised grief of his own.
What I've heard of his history so far
seems to lean in that direction."
Braon and Akela looked at
each other in silent conversation.
"Most men, they don't talk about
these things, but some do," said Akela.
"If you think Turq would fit with the group,
I have no objection to him attending."
"Anyone else?" Dimi said, but
nobody else complained either.
"I'm deeply touched by your care,"
Mingxia said. "I'll pass the word to Turq.
I doubt that he'll be ready for more than
a quick hello any time soon, but it's
always good to have options."
"Hell yeah," said Labroncé,
whose life held far too few options
of any kind, and hated that. She got up
to get more hot chocolate for everyone.
Mingxia swept up her pictures and
put them away. "Braon? Would you
like to talk about that breastfeeding group?"
"Some group," Braon said, rocking Felice,
who after being changed had slept through
most of the meeting. "It's just a bitchfest."
"That sounds awful," Labroncé said,
distributing hot chocolate and bags of
homemade marshmallows in several flavors.
"It's not just me," Braon said. "Two of
the people who expressed interest were
men -- a male mother and his husband.
The other women were really mean to them."
"Mean girls turn into mean women,"
Labroncé said. "Some people
never do grow the fuck up."
"Isn't that the truth," Braon said.
"They're all holier-than-thou over
breastfeeding. Just because I do it,
doesn't mean everyone can, and I
don't want to be a bitch about it."
"I wonder whether it would help
if you reached out to those men,"
Mingxia said thoughtfully. "It sounds
like they want to connect with other parents.
They might be more supportive of you, and
it sounds like you have no problem with them."
"Now there's an idea," Braon said, perking up.
"Pretty much anyone can start a group on
campus, and the minimum is three people."
From there, the conversation turned to
possible ideas for planning such a group,
and Braon seemed more hopeful.
Mingxia leaned back in her seat
and listened. Some problems could be
solved, others only sympathized with
All of it was less awful to live with when
you had people to share your pain,
who understood the impact that
trauma could have on your life.
She hoped that Turq had
a support network as good
as hers -- and if not, well,
then they could share.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its character, setting, and content notes appear separately.
"Beneath the Willow Tree"
Mingxia got off the bus at Dolores Park,
but instead of walking right to her meeting,
she sat down to regroup for a minute in
the little log-cabin bus shelter.
Her fingers restlessly traced the edges
of the two photographs: one worn soft from
long handling, the other crisp and new.
The first showed Dru as a shy, towheaded child
while the second showed Turq as a sad young man
with hair shading from turquoise to periwinkle.
Happy as she was to reunite with her son,
it left her with a painful jumble of feelings --
especially since her support group consisted
mostly of people who could not get
their lost ones back like she had.
Mingxia sighed and put her pictures away,
then headed to the Willow Tree Women's Group.
In nicer weather, they met under one of
the big weeping willows that stood beside
Lake Maria de los Dolores, which had
a half-circle bench wrapped around it.
Mingxia walked past the tree, tugging
her coat close against the winter chill, and
walked up the driveway to the barbecue pavilion
where they gathered during the cold season.
Inside the lodge part lay a living room with
a cozy couch and chairs. Someone had
already lit a fire in the big stone hearth.
Braon Marchateau dit Lebeau
was trying to juggle her baby Felice
and her diaper bag at the same time.
After conceiving a child from rape --
and then losing her rapist -- Braon
wasn't doing well as a single mother.
Akela Karimi came over and said, "Ah,
let me borrow your little bundle of luck!
Maybe then some of it will rub off on me."
"She's been fussing," said Braon.
"I think she needs a diaper change."
Mingxia watched them work with
a fond smile. Akela's miscarriages
made her miserable, but helping Braon
with Felice seemed to cheer her up.
Labroncé Baum puttered around
the fireplace, and when she put
another log on, it released a plume
of sparks. The room was fragrant
with wisps of smoke from the pine.
When Dimi Mingana began picking up
the throw pillows so people could sit
on the couch, Mingxia went over
to give her a hand with that.
They were close, because Dimi had
lost her stepchildren to a messy divorce
and subsequent adoption by the new wife,
while Mingxia had lost her foster children
back into the system from which they came.
"You look stressed," Dimi said to her.
"Rough day, or something else?"
"Big news," Mingxia said. "It's good,
or mostly good, but hard to handle."
"I understand," Dimi said, putting
the pillows into the storage bench
that stretched under the side window.
"Thanks," Mingxia said. "It helps
to have support at a time like this."
Soon they all gathered around
the rustic wooden coffee table, finding
their seats on the couch and chairs.
Labroncé poured out cups
of lactose-free hot chocolate,
since the support group was
ethnically mixed and most of them
couldn't digest dairy very well.
Dimi opened the circle with
the check-in questions. "What’s up
for you, in your life? What’s one new
and interesting thing that you have
been thinking about lately?"
"My idiot shrink tried to convince me
that I'm depressed again," said Labroncé.
"I told him my boyfriend killed himself in prison.
I'm not depressed, I'm sad. Tyreeq's cellmate
is getting out soon, so Lexus and I are going
to meet for coffee and talk about him."
"Sometimes it helps to keep in touch
with others who remember the one
you lost," Mingxia said. "I hope
that works out for you two."
"Another red month for me,"
Akela said. She and her husband
kept trying for a baby of their own, and
every period brought its own regret.
The other women murmured sympathy.
"Work is being iffy again," said Braon.
"They're starting up a group for mothers
who breastfeed, but --" She shrugged.
"-- the tone seems like business as usual."
That is, nobody wanted to be around
a mother who was happy about a baby
conceived from rape, let alone sad over
losing a man she knew and her baby's father.
"Well, my news is good," said Dimi. "I'm feeling
hopeful because we found a really good startup
to fund at work, a team of geek girls who want
to write programs to meet women's needs.
We're helping them to apply for grants."
She'd had a hard time recovering
her business momentum after
her husband had left her and
taken everything with him.
"Oh, that's wonderful," said Braon.
"We need more women programmers,
guys don't always think the way we do."
Then it was Mingxia's turn.
She took a deep breath and said,
"We found Dru -- well, it's Turq now,
he changed his name, but we found him."
"Congratulations," Dimi said warmly.
"That's three down, two to go."
Mingxia still felt guilty about
losing her foster children back
to the system after Baozhen was
born so sickly, and it had taken time
to recover from her daughter's death
before she could even muster
the energy to look for them.
So far, she had managed
to reconnect with Andeana,
but Benedict wanted nothing
to do with them. She didn't even
have any leads on Jada or Seth.
"Do you want to go first today?"
Braon asked. "For me and Akela, it's
mostly more of the same. Labroncé has
a plan already, and Demi's news is good."
"I'd like that, yes," said Mingxia. She
took a sip of hot chocolate to soothe
her nerves. That helped a little. "We
talked with Turq over the phone
and then we met in person."
"How are you doing?" Dimi asked.
"I'm ... feeling things," Mingxia said.
"In a good hour, I'm processing;
in a bad one, I'm floundering."
"I know that feel, sis,"
Labroncé said with a nod.
"I have all these emotions
muddled together -- grief over
missing so much of his life, joy at
getting him back, guilt that I didn't
find him sooner when he needed me,
relief that he's still alive -- it's like
stirring up a puddle," Mingxia said.
"Love," Dimi added. "That never fades,
no matter how long you've been apart."
Mingxia nodded, unable to speak, and
Dimi nudged the tissues toward her.
After blowing her nose, Mingxia
found her voice again. "I'm trying
to work through this on my own time,
so I can be strong for everyone else, but
sometimes it's really hard to be the rock."
"You can fall apart in here," Braon said.
"God knows, we've all done it plenty."
"How is your son doing?" Akela said.
"Turq is trying to reach out, but he's
having a hard time too," Mingxia said.
She took out both pictures and then
placed them on the coffee table.
"He gave us the new one."
"He sure is rockin' that hair,"
Labroncé said. "I don't even know
anyone who can dye that well."
"That's natural," Mingxia said quietly.
She took a big gulp of hot chocolate.
"Oops," Labroncé said, covering
her mouth. "Sorry about that.
I mean, sorry I mistook the color,
not that crayon soups are bad."
Turq was considerably more
than a crayon soup, but that
wasn't something Mingxia
wanted to share yet.
"Wow, he seems really sad,"
Braon said. "Look at his eyes."
"He is," Mingxia said. "So far,
Turq has only told us a little about
what happened to him after we got
separated, but it's ... pretty bad, and
I have reason to suspect that there's
worse than what he's mentioned."
"I'm sorry to hear that," Akela said.
"What are you doing for him so far?"
"Mostly just talking," Mingxia said.
"We offered him the teen room that
we keep in the basement, but Turq isn't
ready for that yet. So we logged it as
occupied, in case he wants a place
of his own when he comes to visit."
"That's an excellent idea," said Dimi.
"My sister keeps a guest room for her boys,
even though they all have apartments
or even houses by now. It helps."
"Have you told the other children yet?"
Akela said. "They'll need to know."
"We're working on it," Mingxia said.
"Part of the challenge is figuring out what
to tell them. Andeana should know as much
as we do, but Benedict isn't speaking to us.
The ones who came after Turq are fairly young."
"That sounds hard on everyone," Braon said.
"It is, but we have good emotional skills,
or at least most of us do," Mingxia said.
"We'll get through this eventually. I'm not
at liberty to say much more, but I'll try to warn
the group before anything hits the news."
Dimi's eyebrows went up. "You think
it's going to get that bad?" she said.
"Just from what I know already, it will,
since Family Services went horribly wrong,"
said Mingxia. "Then add in the charges against
whomever hurt Turq, and it's a serious mess.
Dao's brother Fang is already on the trail."
"Somebody's gonna get it,"
Labroncé sang under her breath.
Akela tsked at her.
"No, it's okay, right now I want
to see people punished for what
they did to my son," Mingxia said.
"I suppose that doesn't make me
a very good Buddhist today, but
there will be other days."
"You don't have to forgive them,"
Braon said firmly. "You feel what
you feel. Worry about karma later."
"Let Turq know that we're thinking
of him, if you believe that would help,"
Dimi said, leaning forward. "Even though
he doesn't know us, we're here for him.
We'd like to meet him, if he's willing."
"Thank you," Mingxia said. "It might
help him form some new connections.
Then she sighed. "I suspect that Turq may
have some disenfranchised grief of his own.
What I've heard of his history so far
seems to lean in that direction."
Braon and Akela looked at
each other in silent conversation.
"Most men, they don't talk about
these things, but some do," said Akela.
"If you think Turq would fit with the group,
I have no objection to him attending."
"Anyone else?" Dimi said, but
nobody else complained either.
"I'm deeply touched by your care,"
Mingxia said. "I'll pass the word to Turq.
I doubt that he'll be ready for more than
a quick hello any time soon, but it's
always good to have options."
"Hell yeah," said Labroncé,
whose life held far too few options
of any kind, and hated that. She got up
to get more hot chocolate for everyone.
Mingxia swept up her pictures and
put them away. "Braon? Would you
like to talk about that breastfeeding group?"
"Some group," Braon said, rocking Felice,
who after being changed had slept through
most of the meeting. "It's just a bitchfest."
"That sounds awful," Labroncé said,
distributing hot chocolate and bags of
homemade marshmallows in several flavors.
"It's not just me," Braon said. "Two of
the people who expressed interest were
men -- a male mother and his husband.
The other women were really mean to them."
"Mean girls turn into mean women,"
Labroncé said. "Some people
never do grow the fuck up."
"Isn't that the truth," Braon said.
"They're all holier-than-thou over
breastfeeding. Just because I do it,
doesn't mean everyone can, and I
don't want to be a bitch about it."
"I wonder whether it would help
if you reached out to those men,"
Mingxia said thoughtfully. "It sounds
like they want to connect with other parents.
They might be more supportive of you, and
it sounds like you have no problem with them."
"Now there's an idea," Braon said, perking up.
"Pretty much anyone can start a group on
campus, and the minimum is three people."
From there, the conversation turned to
possible ideas for planning such a group,
and Braon seemed more hopeful.
Mingxia leaned back in her seat
and listened. Some problems could be
solved, others only sympathized with
All of it was less awful to live with when
you had people to share your pain,
who understood the impact that
trauma could have on your life.
She hoped that Turq had
a support network as good
as hers -- and if not, well,
then they could share.
* * *
Notes:
This poem is long, so its character, setting, and content notes appear separately.