Comments | ysabetwordsmith: Poem: "A Doe in Velvet"

ysabetwordsmith

Poem: "A Doe in Velvet"

Apr 13, 2009 22:17

Based on the recent poll, "A Doe in Velvet" holds the lead for the long poem, so here it is. This poem was inspired by a prompt from kadiera and sponsored from the general fund. This month's donors are: ellenmillion, minor_architect, mtrose2, dulcinbradbury, and janetmilesThe term "a doe in velvet" is real, and refers to a rare phenomenon in deer species where a doe develops antlers like those of a buck. ( Read more... )

fantasy, reading, writing, fishbowl, poetry, cyberfunded creativity, poem, nature

Comments 29

jolantru April 14 2009, 03:30:15 UTC

Yes, yes, yes - it is beautiful! :)

Yay! ysabetwordsmith April 14 2009, 03:34:56 UTC

I'm glad you like it. I had fun taking some classic fantasy tropes and twisting them into pretzels.

fayanora April 14 2009, 03:58:30 UTC

Beautiful! I'm sending the link to a friend of mine who will love it too, I'm sure.

Thank you... ysabetwordsmith April 14 2009, 04:25:20 UTC

... for the networking assist. I'm glad you liked this enough to share with a friend. The whole point to posting poetry here is so more people can enjoy it. Our sponsors are doing a terrific job of making more poetry available to readers!

tekalynn April 14 2009, 04:04:43 UTC

This is excellent!

Thank you! ysabetwordsmith April 14 2009, 04:29:53 UTC

I'm happy to hear that. Feedback is candy!

jrittenhouse April 14 2009, 06:53:01 UTC

It's really pretty good. There was a couple of uses of the modern vernacular that grate somewhat ("And now I must escape this jam.") when contrasted against the rest of the poem's style. But I'm just picky - whadda I know. Nice imagery throughout, especially with the titular conceit. Never heard that phrase before...

Thoughts ysabetwordsmith April 14 2009, 17:17:33 UTC

You may have a point about vernacular. I was thinking "jam" as in "something jammed tight where it shouldn't be, that needs to be pried loose" -- a more literal sense.

Fishbowl poems are written in big bunches, rather than spaced out over time like my other poetry. So it's a little easier for flaws to appear and not get edited out.

On the other hoof, fishbowl poems are posted in a venue where lots of people can see them and discuss them. Sometimes the reveals flaws that can be fixed, and a solution arrived at. It's an interesting process.

jenny_evergreen April 14 2009, 13:28:17 UTC

You should see about getting this to the transgender audience!

Thoughts ysabetwordsmith April 14 2009, 17:13:27 UTC

I've posted a link to this poem over on genderqueer and if other folks want to link it in appropriate venues, that's fine too.