Comments | ysabetwordsmith: Poem: "Motherless"

ysabetwordsmith

Poem: "Motherless"

Oct 14, 2008 21:07

This poem was inspired by prompts from flutterbychild and dulcinbradbury. It has been sponsored by janetmiles.

Motherless

Monsters are motherless children ( Read more... )

poem, fishbowl, poetry, cyberfunded creativity

Comments 10

jolantru October 15 2008, 02:20:46 UTC

This is oddly beautiful.

Thank you! ysabetwordsmith October 15 2008, 02:35:16 UTC

I was aiming to create a sense of being on the outside, looking in ... so I painted a picture of idealized childhood that would touch on most people's memories, so they could imagine what it would be like not having that.

But Grendel had a mother... jorrocks_j October 15 2008, 03:16:33 UTC

...Leslie Fish even wrote a song for her.

The refrain goes:

Son, I'm sure you would be sorry
If you weren't so very dead
But you never listened to a thing I said...

Re: But Grendel had a mother... ysabetwordsmith October 15 2008, 03:24:37 UTC

*facepalm* I've even heard that song, but I'd forgotten about it. Saw the recent CGI movie too.

So, not all monsters come from the same source.

the_vulture October 15 2008, 06:19:36 UTC

I like the overall idea and the language used, but I wonder if it would be more effective if the link between fictional monster and real life monstrosity was hinted at instead of directly stated.

janetmiles October 15 2008, 13:22:44 UTC

That's sad and beautiful both.

Thank you! ysabetwordsmith October 15 2008, 16:28:10 UTC

I'm glad you like it.

gumnut October 15 2008, 14:09:00 UTC

Hmm, I have a mixed response to this...cos I was a motherless child for a long time. And while I understand the intended meaning, it also implies that all fathers are unable to give any of those things listed.

It could also be that I'm so tired at the moment my brain is misfiring.

It has good pacing and beat and works well structurally and drives its point across well.

Thanks for writing and sharing.

Nutty
(not sure I should comment considering how brain dead I am at the moment)

Thoughts ysabetwordsmith October 15 2008, 19:20:29 UTC

Feedback is always welcome. That includes constructive criticism and discussion of a poem's merits and flaws -- as long as people don't get gratuitously rude, and so far, that rarely happens in my LJ. This poem is drawing mixed responses, and that's okay.

You raise a good point about fatherhood. However, look at how English encodes parenting concepts: there's no good parallel in general terminology. "Nurturing-parent-less" ...? Gak. So the poem illuminates the sexism and gender biases of the language, and the culture; particularly since the "classic" monsters date back quite a while, when gender roles were more rigid. There's some fine feminist underpinning in Frankenstein though.