this is the first time i have been off meds since february. i feel alive and all together confused..
he says "i'm taking your last sleeping pill" but i don't mind because i know they aren't good for me. nyquil hasn't worked in a long time and other stronger things get me in trouble. so a glass or two of gladiator cab sauv or a bottle or two of red stripe does the trick. except this time i just hope to god that i'm tired by 12. no dice. AND no beer.
i want to jog, sit in the cold, act like a bad ass, get tattooed, eat snow, get drunk and sing karaoke, get pretty all the time, sleep in. i want to do something with myself. i can't wait.
i know he's worried: last time i couldn't sleep and relied heavily on whiskey to put me to sleep i ended up @ flower. but this time is different. i actually have my life somewhat together. i want to create again and that is really something to hope for. i think.
i no longer want to be easily bruised.
or worried two years ahead of time.
or afraid of my phone.
i don't want to be the one that is not able to maintain friendships.
i don't want to be unpredictable.
but i really really want a dog named "bogart" and for my fridge to be overflowing with olives, tomatoes, feta, sushi and alsatian pinot.
i want to jog, sit in the cold, act like a bad ass, get tattooed, eat snow, get drunk and sing karaoke, get pretty all the time, sleep in. i want to do something with myself. i can't wait.
i know he's worried: last time i couldn't sleep and relied heavily on whiskey to put me to sleep i ended up @ flower. but this time is different. i actually have my life somewhat together. i want to create again and that is really something to hope for. i think.
i no longer want to be easily bruised.
or worried two years ahead of time.
or afraid of my phone.
i don't want to be the one that is not able to maintain friendships.
i don't want to be unpredictable.
but i really really want a dog named "bogart" and for my fridge to be overflowing with olives, tomatoes, feta, sushi and alsatian pinot.