Solving a Panic Attack with A.R.T.S.
When someone who trusts you is having a panic attack, you are in a powerful position to help (or hurt) them. You should A.R.T.S.:
Acknowledge (their fears),
Reassure (tell them that things will be okay),
Take charge (speak calmly but firmly, in short sentences), and
Solve the issue.
The last one is particularly important because, when someone is panicking, they are not thinking clearly. In most cases, they have blown the danger completely out of proportion and ignored easy solutions. They feel out of control. Ideally, you want to put them back in control. However, doing that often involves taking temporary control, but in a way that empowers them rather than demeans them. I find that using the word "we" (instead of me or you) is often the best way to do this. That way, they feel like they are contributing to the solution.
In some cases, solving the issue may mean removing them from the location. In others, such as someone who is panicking over feelings of guilt or responsibility, it may mean redirecting the problem.
Believe it or not, ARTS will generally calm them down significantly. You can end the panic attack in about 30-60 seconds, often before it really gets bad. This is particularly important when you're dealing with timing issues. I hear a lot that people with panic attacks have them at the worst times. Of course, this is completely true: time crunches cause anxiety. So any time crunch is more likely to involve some kind of panic than a calm setting.
For example, lets say your partner is panicking looking for airline tickets. You say it's time to go and they can only seem to respond with "I have to find my ticket before I can leave for the airport" in an increasingly panicky voice. ARTS the problem by saying:
A: "You did a great job arranging this trip." (wait a moment for them to digest that)
R: "People lose their tickets all the time." (wait a moment)
R: "It doesn't make you a bad person." (wait a moment)
T: "Breath." (wait a moment)
T: "I know what we can do." (wait a moment)
S: "We can get a new copy of the ticket at the counter." (wait a moment)
S: "Let's go now & get you a new ticket when we arrive." (smile reassuringly)
As you can see, there's some overlap going on (for example, you use short sentences and speak calmly throughout). But the elements are all there. By taking a minute to calm your partner, you have not only assured that you'll both make the flight but you've also strengthened your relationship.
That said, because your partner trusts you, you can also sabotage them and the relationship by responding to the panic inappropriately. It is absolutely essential, when someone is panicking, that you DO NOT INSULT THEM and DO NOT INTRODUCE ANY NEW CONFLICTS. These will only serve to exacerbate the situation. For example, in the situation above, you would NOT say:
"You're going to make us miss the flight!"
"Why did you lose the ticket?"
"Why are you freaking out?"
"You should have thought of this sooner!"
"I need to be finding my own stuff, I can't help you!"
"You're always doing this!"
"You're on your own!"
"Did you find your cell phone?"
"Have you seen my shorts?"
Congratulations: by using one of these, you've now not only missed the flight, but you've made your partner feel horrible, as well.
It's important to keep your voice and demeanor calm while you ARTS. This helps to reassure, and gives you more credence when you take charge. What a panicking person needs most of all is a calming influence. In many cases, people with anxiety disorder learn to be their own calming influence. But you can help them by working with them, so they feel less alone in their struggle. In this way, you can be their partner, rather than just another obstacle or enemy, in the midst of an attack.
Acknowledge (their fears),
Reassure (tell them that things will be okay),
Take charge (speak calmly but firmly, in short sentences), and
Solve the issue.
The last one is particularly important because, when someone is panicking, they are not thinking clearly. In most cases, they have blown the danger completely out of proportion and ignored easy solutions. They feel out of control. Ideally, you want to put them back in control. However, doing that often involves taking temporary control, but in a way that empowers them rather than demeans them. I find that using the word "we" (instead of me or you) is often the best way to do this. That way, they feel like they are contributing to the solution.
In some cases, solving the issue may mean removing them from the location. In others, such as someone who is panicking over feelings of guilt or responsibility, it may mean redirecting the problem.
Believe it or not, ARTS will generally calm them down significantly. You can end the panic attack in about 30-60 seconds, often before it really gets bad. This is particularly important when you're dealing with timing issues. I hear a lot that people with panic attacks have them at the worst times. Of course, this is completely true: time crunches cause anxiety. So any time crunch is more likely to involve some kind of panic than a calm setting.
For example, lets say your partner is panicking looking for airline tickets. You say it's time to go and they can only seem to respond with "I have to find my ticket before I can leave for the airport" in an increasingly panicky voice. ARTS the problem by saying:
A: "You did a great job arranging this trip." (wait a moment for them to digest that)
R: "People lose their tickets all the time." (wait a moment)
R: "It doesn't make you a bad person." (wait a moment)
T: "Breath." (wait a moment)
T: "I know what we can do." (wait a moment)
S: "We can get a new copy of the ticket at the counter." (wait a moment)
S: "Let's go now & get you a new ticket when we arrive." (smile reassuringly)
As you can see, there's some overlap going on (for example, you use short sentences and speak calmly throughout). But the elements are all there. By taking a minute to calm your partner, you have not only assured that you'll both make the flight but you've also strengthened your relationship.
That said, because your partner trusts you, you can also sabotage them and the relationship by responding to the panic inappropriately. It is absolutely essential, when someone is panicking, that you DO NOT INSULT THEM and DO NOT INTRODUCE ANY NEW CONFLICTS. These will only serve to exacerbate the situation. For example, in the situation above, you would NOT say:
"You're going to make us miss the flight!"
"Why did you lose the ticket?"
"Why are you freaking out?"
"You should have thought of this sooner!"
"I need to be finding my own stuff, I can't help you!"
"You're always doing this!"
"You're on your own!"
"Did you find your cell phone?"
"Have you seen my shorts?"
Congratulations: by using one of these, you've now not only missed the flight, but you've made your partner feel horrible, as well.
It's important to keep your voice and demeanor calm while you ARTS. This helps to reassure, and gives you more credence when you take charge. What a panicking person needs most of all is a calming influence. In many cases, people with anxiety disorder learn to be their own calming influence. But you can help them by working with them, so they feel less alone in their struggle. In this way, you can be their partner, rather than just another obstacle or enemy, in the midst of an attack.