Leaving
I'm told that it is harder for the person being left, than the one doing the leaving.
The person leaving is going on to bigger and better things. The person being left has nothing.
But I'm not sure this is the case. The person doing the leaving has to actually, you know, do the leaving. Has to make the choice that whatever they are leaving for is more important than what they are leaving behind. Has to decide the when and the where and the how and the what of leaving. The person being left just has to maintain the status quo.
The thing is, I don't want to leave. If I value human connection above all else, how can I cut such a strong and important connection for a piece of paper?
Granted, it's a magical piece of paper. One that will allow me to use my knowledge and skills to help others create connections. And that's important. That's based on my values.
But how can I tell my students to value connections with a straight face if I leave mine behind? How can I look myself in the mirror every morning knowing the kind of choice I made?
But staying isn't really an option, either, is it?
If I stay, he won't respect me. He probably won't even stay with me. Or let me stay with him.
Even if all I do is defer enrollment for one year, which is an option I've seriously considered, what will that accomplish? A big pile of nothing, that's what.
Every choice I consider, all I see is nothing. Miles and miles of nothing. Of emptiness. Of lip service to my values.
I should have stayed in computers. At least there was money in that. You can buy a lot of comfort for an empty and meaningless life with enough money. Enough to forget how empty and meaningless it really is.
The person leaving is going on to bigger and better things. The person being left has nothing.
But I'm not sure this is the case. The person doing the leaving has to actually, you know, do the leaving. Has to make the choice that whatever they are leaving for is more important than what they are leaving behind. Has to decide the when and the where and the how and the what of leaving. The person being left just has to maintain the status quo.
The thing is, I don't want to leave. If I value human connection above all else, how can I cut such a strong and important connection for a piece of paper?
Granted, it's a magical piece of paper. One that will allow me to use my knowledge and skills to help others create connections. And that's important. That's based on my values.
But how can I tell my students to value connections with a straight face if I leave mine behind? How can I look myself in the mirror every morning knowing the kind of choice I made?
But staying isn't really an option, either, is it?
If I stay, he won't respect me. He probably won't even stay with me. Or let me stay with him.
Even if all I do is defer enrollment for one year, which is an option I've seriously considered, what will that accomplish? A big pile of nothing, that's what.
Every choice I consider, all I see is nothing. Miles and miles of nothing. Of emptiness. Of lip service to my values.
I should have stayed in computers. At least there was money in that. You can buy a lot of comfort for an empty and meaningless life with enough money. Enough to forget how empty and meaningless it really is.