If tracing our dreams is just a distraction, I want to remember, but I know that I can't go back..
Bleh. Yeh, this is anothe emo entry.
I don't know why things are making me so upset. I'm so stressed...I have tons of homework tonight...Have to read for english and do those gay journal things, have to do my research paper, and do the geometry homework that was due today that I didn't do. That's a lot for me.
Bleh. This weekend was awesome. I had such a good time...untill late yesterday. My dad came home, I was so happy to see him...I actually missed him. He came home, things were good...he was being really cool. Then suddenly, he just turned on me. He started being rude, lecturing me, and making me think everything was my fault. Yes there was an incident that made me a little upset...but hey...that's normal...that happens to everyone. I made a mistake by not getting things organized sooner...I realized my mistake. But, of course...my dad didn't know ANYTHING about my situation...yet, he still comes and gets in my face and makes me cry 3 times. He made me think everything that happened was MY FAULT...when I didn't do anything, except not get things organized sooner. I screwed up...I told him that...yet he makes me think I'm SO RUDE, and inconsiderate and not a good friend and a horrible child for him. Yeah...He makes me feel like shit. Now yall see why my self esteem is so low? You can thank my Dad. But yeah...so that made me pretty upset. Then he apologized and said he would do anything to make me feel better...And what I wanted was to see Chase. So we went and got him...On the way there...My dad felt the need to fight with me some more...and make me get teary eyed RIGHT as we pulled up...He's such an ass. Then he freakin got mad at me and raised his voice at me in front of Chase!! That just pissed me off so much.
But then my dad dropped us off at some neighborhood, and man I was so glad to get away from him. I wanted to just cry and get it all out...But I didn't want to cry in the middle of the street lol. But yeah..Chase made me forget about it all...and just made me feel so much better. I forget about every wrong thing in the world when I'm with him.
So my dad picked us up, and of course...was pissed because I didn't hear my phone ring and I called him back 2 minutes after he called...He wanted to kill me!! So yeah...that was bad. He accused me of not answering my phone on purpose...which is a lie. I knew he would kill me if I just ignored the calls...and I honestly didn't hear my phone ring. But w/e..when I was going to bed he came in and apologized for everything and for not trusting me. But he trusts me now still...and he knows I wouldn't do stuff like that.
Bleh. Things are starting to fall apart. It's almost as if I'm standing back...just watching it all come crashing down. Things were so good too. But I guess there's nothing I can do. I'm just getting so freakin fed up with it all!! I don't know what to do, I don't know who to go to, I don't know how to act as if I'm perfectly fine. I don't want people to worry about me, cuz I know I'll get through it...I just don't know how or when. Bleh. I just needs someone there for me and hugs :). So yeah if you see me today, pwease give me a hug..I need all that I can get.
Thanks for listening, I just really needed to get it out...It's getting so hard to hold it in now days =////. Sorry....