(no subject)
Spring Break was full of softball, drivers ed, Danny, and nice weather. It was a good spring break until towards the end. I dunno, I guess it just went downhill.
I have my permit now. Saturday I drove on the road for the first time and with the instructor guy. I drove the mustang that they had. Even though I was scared to death, I eventually got use to it. I passed the class with a B+ and on the driving I got a B+ for my first time.
I went to the hospital on Friday to get my thumb looked at. If you want to read about how I cried the whole time and was scared out of my mind, then click...
Well. I had a very weird, terrifing expeirence at the hospital today. At 5 my mom said we were going to get it looked at. I didn't know we were going to the hospital though. She said something about going to OSMC but then I guess she changed her mind and took me to the emergency room instead. Freaky. First off, I seriously hate hospitals. Maybe people thing I'm exaggerating .. and that oh everyone hates hospitals. But no, you don't understand. They scare me to death. I think that I suffer from some weird phobia or thing .. I don't know. I guess for me being in hospitals is like being closterphobic (sp?). Even though its a huge place, I feel like being in there everything is going to attack me, or hurt me .. or everything is just .. small and I can't get out. Everyone thinks I'm werid because of my HUGE deal with wrists, the opposite side of the elbow and opposite side of my knee. When I go to the hospital every year for my heart check-ups, my mom told the nurse about it and said that since when I was little having to get needles in my wrists and that little crease in my arm has caused me to have this weird feeling and something about my "nerves not liking it" or something. Which is why I think I'm so scared of hospitals, too. It doesn't seem like a huge deal at all I'm sure but for some reason it is to me. From the time when I was born I've had to go from hospital to hospital and check-up to check-up. And I think that when I was little I was so scared and that I still am now and just being in hospitals have left and an impression on me that something bad is going to happen to me. When my whole thumb thing happened I said that I didn't care what it was wether it was a stupid thumb or something bigger I never wanted to go back to a hospital. Even then I was so scared. I got to the hospital and when they called my name and me and my mom went into the little room and the girl took down all our stupid information .. I was just looking around and scared out of my mnid. Nothing was even happening and nothing was probabaly going to happen .. but I was shaking and freaking out. It was so scary. And the horrible thing about this is they weren't telling me anything scary or they weren't doing anything bad, but I was setting there crying for no reason just because I was so scared of even being in there. I never, ever will have another needle stuck into my arm. If that ever has to happen .. I'm running and screaming and fighting for everything to get away from it. I'll never be able to. Ever. Another reason I'm so scared cause I don't want that. They took me into the area where all the patients are setting in their beds and whatever, pulled the curtins back and I'm setting on this uncomfortable bed, can't see out of these curtins, and just started crying again. I was trying to hold it back because nothing bad was happening .. but I just couldn't help it. I have to just have some huge problems haunting me from when I was little onto now. I'm not even making a big deal or exaggerating but I was so scared. And plus, it all reminded me of seeing Ernesto. And seeing him with needles in his arms, and hooked up to all the different machines and IVs. I guess to me hospitals don't mean they'll make you better, but they mean you'll die.
.....if not. I'll just simplify it. I was scared, cried for no reason because I'm just plain ol' scared of hospitals. They took X-rays and the doc said that my thumb IS broken. It'll take 6-7 weeks to heal. I'm going to be out of most of the softball season. Then again the coaches probabaly won't even mind it and make me play otherwise. Stupid, but what am I suppose to do? I'll still run bases in games like I have been doing. But, I have to keep this thing on my thumb besides when I'm taking a shower or something. Sigh....good going Jamie!
But, about softball. I've liked it even more because of the weather. We've won 3 and lost 1. Its going good.
Last night I did nothing. On a Saturday night. I took a bunch of pictures though, and I drove to Subway. Once Danny got off work we hung out.
Things are getting way too routine with me. And when things get like this I get really mad, sad, and start doing bad things. I'm sick of doing the same things over and over again. I want something to happen, damn.
Here are some pictures!
I've been thinking a lot lately about how this summer is going to end up. Now I'm not single and don't have any friends. Then I think about how AMAZING last summer was. I can't even explain how May-August 2004 were the best times of my whole entire life ... so far. I wish I could try to even explain it, but all I can say is nothing will ever top it. Thats why, if nothing happens this summer ... then, psh. Its going to be weird without Ashley. :-\ Kinda makes me sad. Sigh .. just thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I miss everyone.
I have my permit now. Saturday I drove on the road for the first time and with the instructor guy. I drove the mustang that they had. Even though I was scared to death, I eventually got use to it. I passed the class with a B+ and on the driving I got a B+ for my first time.
I went to the hospital on Friday to get my thumb looked at. If you want to read about how I cried the whole time and was scared out of my mind, then click...
Well. I had a very weird, terrifing expeirence at the hospital today. At 5 my mom said we were going to get it looked at. I didn't know we were going to the hospital though. She said something about going to OSMC but then I guess she changed her mind and took me to the emergency room instead. Freaky. First off, I seriously hate hospitals. Maybe people thing I'm exaggerating .. and that oh everyone hates hospitals. But no, you don't understand. They scare me to death. I think that I suffer from some weird phobia or thing .. I don't know. I guess for me being in hospitals is like being closterphobic (sp?). Even though its a huge place, I feel like being in there everything is going to attack me, or hurt me .. or everything is just .. small and I can't get out. Everyone thinks I'm werid because of my HUGE deal with wrists, the opposite side of the elbow and opposite side of my knee. When I go to the hospital every year for my heart check-ups, my mom told the nurse about it and said that since when I was little having to get needles in my wrists and that little crease in my arm has caused me to have this weird feeling and something about my "nerves not liking it" or something. Which is why I think I'm so scared of hospitals, too. It doesn't seem like a huge deal at all I'm sure but for some reason it is to me. From the time when I was born I've had to go from hospital to hospital and check-up to check-up. And I think that when I was little I was so scared and that I still am now and just being in hospitals have left and an impression on me that something bad is going to happen to me. When my whole thumb thing happened I said that I didn't care what it was wether it was a stupid thumb or something bigger I never wanted to go back to a hospital. Even then I was so scared. I got to the hospital and when they called my name and me and my mom went into the little room and the girl took down all our stupid information .. I was just looking around and scared out of my mnid. Nothing was even happening and nothing was probabaly going to happen .. but I was shaking and freaking out. It was so scary. And the horrible thing about this is they weren't telling me anything scary or they weren't doing anything bad, but I was setting there crying for no reason just because I was so scared of even being in there. I never, ever will have another needle stuck into my arm. If that ever has to happen .. I'm running and screaming and fighting for everything to get away from it. I'll never be able to. Ever. Another reason I'm so scared cause I don't want that. They took me into the area where all the patients are setting in their beds and whatever, pulled the curtins back and I'm setting on this uncomfortable bed, can't see out of these curtins, and just started crying again. I was trying to hold it back because nothing bad was happening .. but I just couldn't help it. I have to just have some huge problems haunting me from when I was little onto now. I'm not even making a big deal or exaggerating but I was so scared. And plus, it all reminded me of seeing Ernesto. And seeing him with needles in his arms, and hooked up to all the different machines and IVs. I guess to me hospitals don't mean they'll make you better, but they mean you'll die.
.....if not. I'll just simplify it. I was scared, cried for no reason because I'm just plain ol' scared of hospitals. They took X-rays and the doc said that my thumb IS broken. It'll take 6-7 weeks to heal. I'm going to be out of most of the softball season. Then again the coaches probabaly won't even mind it and make me play otherwise. Stupid, but what am I suppose to do? I'll still run bases in games like I have been doing. But, I have to keep this thing on my thumb besides when I'm taking a shower or something. Sigh....good going Jamie!
But, about softball. I've liked it even more because of the weather. We've won 3 and lost 1. Its going good.
Last night I did nothing. On a Saturday night. I took a bunch of pictures though, and I drove to Subway. Once Danny got off work we hung out.
Things are getting way too routine with me. And when things get like this I get really mad, sad, and start doing bad things. I'm sick of doing the same things over and over again. I want something to happen, damn.
Here are some pictures!
I've been thinking a lot lately about how this summer is going to end up. Now I'm not single and don't have any friends. Then I think about how AMAZING last summer was. I can't even explain how May-August 2004 were the best times of my whole entire life ... so far. I wish I could try to even explain it, but all I can say is nothing will ever top it. Thats why, if nothing happens this summer ... then, psh. Its going to be weird without Ashley. :-\ Kinda makes me sad. Sigh .. just thinking about it gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I miss everyone.