Depression
Well, as of the past 2-4 weeks, I've been stuggling on and off with depression of some kind. It started with my anxiety attack, and that felt different, but maybe that is what started this all. Anyway, the past 2 weeks it's definitely been getting slightly worse. I mean, during the day I'm usually just fine, sometimes even quite happy and content. But when night comes round, I will randomly get hit with huge waves of depression. Depression that sometimes keeps me up, destroying almost all feeling but self pity and sadness. I've been making a list of reasons that this could be.
One, and I think possibly the main reason, is that my life has been lacking love. The past 4 years of my life I have lived off of the love of my friends and family. It was my life force basically, and now I've been cut off from it, and I need love to be happy, it's how I became happy and self confident yet again in my life. So I think this may be a very big reason.
Another reason may be the fact that I have been losing my appetite cuz I don't like any food on campus, and all of it is starting to get to me. My body does not like the fact that it's eating the same kind of food over and over again. I feel it in my throat, it's dislike for it, it doesn't want anymore. So that could be adding to this.
Another reason, which relates to the love thing, is that I love it here, and I want this and consider this my home, but I'm not close enough to everyone to love them, to be very close to any of them. And that can only change with time, but I really want to just be very close to someone here. So that is always trouble.
I think there was something else too, but I can't remember right now. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now. G'night everyone.
One, and I think possibly the main reason, is that my life has been lacking love. The past 4 years of my life I have lived off of the love of my friends and family. It was my life force basically, and now I've been cut off from it, and I need love to be happy, it's how I became happy and self confident yet again in my life. So I think this may be a very big reason.
Another reason may be the fact that I have been losing my appetite cuz I don't like any food on campus, and all of it is starting to get to me. My body does not like the fact that it's eating the same kind of food over and over again. I feel it in my throat, it's dislike for it, it doesn't want anymore. So that could be adding to this.
Another reason, which relates to the love thing, is that I love it here, and I want this and consider this my home, but I'm not close enough to everyone to love them, to be very close to any of them. And that can only change with time, but I really want to just be very close to someone here. So that is always trouble.
I think there was something else too, but I can't remember right now. I think I'm going to try and get some sleep now. G'night everyone.