*sigh sigh sigh sigh*
I feel like a bitch for so many reasons.. i wish i could just stop now. This song isnt helping any either... Oh, good... linkin park..
Well anyway, I talked to bf today about his visit, and i felt so bad because of whats going on.... I have no clue what to do, and i feel like a total bitch cause i told him i loved him, and i know down deep oin me, that i dont.... I sometimes feel as if i have they inability to hold a relationship... And now i meet this super fucking cool as person and im afraid that im going to hurt him... I already know that my dumb ass is going to hurt bf-man-guy, but Life sucks i guess... Now I know for sure that i got a f in math and english.... If i dont graduate on time, i will be gone for sure, and im not kidding either. This stupid ass bullshit i have to go through for it.. And then.. all this "relationship" trouble and the fact that the school knows, when some of my closer friends know that i have a boyfriend.. oh god when they get wind of this.... oh goodness, i just dont think i can deal right now. It bugs me to all high hell, i swear... Im supposed to go back to my lessons tommorow... i didnt call her today though, so that sucks... i guess i will call in the morning or something.. or maybe ill die in the morning, that would be cool... I can't take this shit >_< I cant perform either.. And i guess thats a bifg thing... Today, I ran into some of the people from the musical..... It just got me depressed and i havent been much better since that point of the day.. I did go outside for a while and fight a bit then i talked on the phone but since i was uset i did act a bit too hyper, but i was overloaded on pop and pizza as well... but (oh goodness, i dont even have clear sentances.... Oh well, it doesnt matter.. *continues venting anyway*) I wish i could be in the musical and the all-city choir, i deserved a leading role this year, and i know i was going to get that solo for choir.... now i have nothing... NOTHING! And my purpose is fading it seems... more and more everyday because i cant do anything musical anymore... everything is work work work work work and i dont even have a fucking job.. Then *screams!!!!!!!!* X_x I need to do something... And i dont want to be in that god awful "talent" show either.. oh gawd, that would really suck.. Let me just go and clean the kitchen, do some more laundry, crawl into a corner and die..... Well, maybe it is a bad idea to write that letter i wanted to write... I dont want to make [him] feel bad... its supposed a good letter... *cries and waits anxiously to die*
Well anyway, I talked to bf today about his visit, and i felt so bad because of whats going on.... I have no clue what to do, and i feel like a total bitch cause i told him i loved him, and i know down deep oin me, that i dont.... I sometimes feel as if i have they inability to hold a relationship... And now i meet this super fucking cool as person and im afraid that im going to hurt him... I already know that my dumb ass is going to hurt bf-man-guy, but Life sucks i guess... Now I know for sure that i got a f in math and english.... If i dont graduate on time, i will be gone for sure, and im not kidding either. This stupid ass bullshit i have to go through for it.. And then.. all this "relationship" trouble and the fact that the school knows, when some of my closer friends know that i have a boyfriend.. oh god when they get wind of this.... oh goodness, i just dont think i can deal right now. It bugs me to all high hell, i swear... Im supposed to go back to my lessons tommorow... i didnt call her today though, so that sucks... i guess i will call in the morning or something.. or maybe ill die in the morning, that would be cool... I can't take this shit >_< I cant perform either.. And i guess thats a bifg thing... Today, I ran into some of the people from the musical..... It just got me depressed and i havent been much better since that point of the day.. I did go outside for a while and fight a bit then i talked on the phone but since i was uset i did act a bit too hyper, but i was overloaded on pop and pizza as well... but (oh goodness, i dont even have clear sentances.... Oh well, it doesnt matter.. *continues venting anyway*) I wish i could be in the musical and the all-city choir, i deserved a leading role this year, and i know i was going to get that solo for choir.... now i have nothing... NOTHING! And my purpose is fading it seems... more and more everyday because i cant do anything musical anymore... everything is work work work work work and i dont even have a fucking job.. Then *screams!!!!!!!!* X_x I need to do something... And i dont want to be in that god awful "talent" show either.. oh gawd, that would really suck.. Let me just go and clean the kitchen, do some more laundry, crawl into a corner and die..... Well, maybe it is a bad idea to write that letter i wanted to write... I dont want to make [him] feel bad... its supposed a good letter... *cries and waits anxiously to die*