I really didn't want to do this but V convinced me to...
first off...work was lame...omg i'm exhausted. I hate people so much...so impatient and rude! fuck. I work tomorrow morning and ya...i'm not looking forward to it...
as for the main topic about this entry...ok people, i'll admit i'm not over it...Dana, you made that clear today. the thing is, if every fuckin day i see someone and they keep askin me "how are ya holdin up with you know?" its not helpin. so ya...instead of ignoring it all i took time today and thought about it all and i've come to this conclusion. I really didn't wanna write about it but my friend V told me it would be good for me so here it is...the facts are clear...she's out partying, makin out...no...thats an understatement...she's messin around with other guys and its clear she's moved on...so why cant I? why am I still hung over this? people keep tellin me to go out...go party, have fun. lol no people, i don't want to. I don't feel like it. I know she is. I know she's getting with these guys. i know she's not coming back. I know all these things. sure, i won't lie...it hurt to read that shit...i know she didnt say exactly what shes doing but i'm not stupid and I know what she means when she says things so i KNOW for a fact shes foolin around with other guys. the funny thing is i knew she was gonna do this eventhough she constantly told me she'd be to busy to party...she's in a sorority...its obvious shes goin to party...and it was obvious for me she was gonna get with guys...i mean she is beautiful. the point here is that after being sad about it all I really thought about it and ya know...i'm not sad anymore...on the contrary, i'm happy. I'm happy she hasn't become like me lol. i'm happy she's having a good time and i'm happy she's doing her thing. good for her. cuz i know her and for her to be happy, is rare. and if all this stuff shes doing is makin her happy...then go her...i'm not sad anymore...i'm happy she's goin out. i know it sounds wierd...but her being happy makes me happy. i really hope her life goes well with whoever she finds.
as for me...theres nothing right now in my life to celebrate about lol my mind is constantly on my grandpa and i can't stop thinkin about him ((probably the main reason i refuse to go out)). I really regret that i didn't visit him more...i mean fuck, everytime i drove to Kristen's, i coulda stopped buy to say hi but no...i fuckin didn't and i hate myself for that. I'm losin him and i can't do anything about it. If i could donate anything in my body to him i'd do it in a heartbeat, but that wont help...I really need help guys...the pain of losin him almost made me do something i would have regretted...the pain is too much for me to bare and it hurts more to talk about it so i'm lost on what to do on the subject...i love him and i don't know if i can handle his goin away...please...help me.
as for the main topic about this entry...ok people, i'll admit i'm not over it...Dana, you made that clear today. the thing is, if every fuckin day i see someone and they keep askin me "how are ya holdin up with you know?" its not helpin. so ya...instead of ignoring it all i took time today and thought about it all and i've come to this conclusion. I really didn't wanna write about it but my friend V told me it would be good for me so here it is...the facts are clear...she's out partying, makin out...no...thats an understatement...she's messin around with other guys and its clear she's moved on...so why cant I? why am I still hung over this? people keep tellin me to go out...go party, have fun. lol no people, i don't want to. I don't feel like it. I know she is. I know she's getting with these guys. i know she's not coming back. I know all these things. sure, i won't lie...it hurt to read that shit...i know she didnt say exactly what shes doing but i'm not stupid and I know what she means when she says things so i KNOW for a fact shes foolin around with other guys. the funny thing is i knew she was gonna do this eventhough she constantly told me she'd be to busy to party...she's in a sorority...its obvious shes goin to party...and it was obvious for me she was gonna get with guys...i mean she is beautiful. the point here is that after being sad about it all I really thought about it and ya know...i'm not sad anymore...on the contrary, i'm happy. I'm happy she hasn't become like me lol. i'm happy she's having a good time and i'm happy she's doing her thing. good for her. cuz i know her and for her to be happy, is rare. and if all this stuff shes doing is makin her happy...then go her...i'm not sad anymore...i'm happy she's goin out. i know it sounds wierd...but her being happy makes me happy. i really hope her life goes well with whoever she finds.
as for me...theres nothing right now in my life to celebrate about lol my mind is constantly on my grandpa and i can't stop thinkin about him ((probably the main reason i refuse to go out)). I really regret that i didn't visit him more...i mean fuck, everytime i drove to Kristen's, i coulda stopped buy to say hi but no...i fuckin didn't and i hate myself for that. I'm losin him and i can't do anything about it. If i could donate anything in my body to him i'd do it in a heartbeat, but that wont help...I really need help guys...the pain of losin him almost made me do something i would have regretted...the pain is too much for me to bare and it hurts more to talk about it so i'm lost on what to do on the subject...i love him and i don't know if i can handle his goin away...please...help me.