but here in my heart i give you the best of my love
well, that's over and done with. for a week or so i was pretending it wasn't, but now i'm not and i'm happier this way surprisingly. i just feel like things have been lifted off my shoulders now that i don't have to worry so much about what is going on or where i fit into the scheme of things.
but now it's come down to what am i going to do with myself? i've had a lot of free time lately to just take things in and see where my life is going. i absolutely cannot wait to begin nursing classes next semester. i feel like once i begin those i will actually be on the road to my future. i am also hoping to do some volunteer stuff at the hospital so i can see what its like to really be in that medical environment.
i am lonely. it is true, and i don't mind admitting it. i wish i had someone to depend on every day. i wish i had someone to buy me dinner and take me to the lake for a nice walk. but that's okay. you miss those things when you don't have them mostly because you know you took having them in the past for granted. i know my time will come, but right now it hurts a little to know that i have been alone for so long.
i was so happy to see my loves this weekend. it really didn't feel that much different and the game and downtown was fun...classic, like old times. however, things have changed. i mean its bound to happen and i could tell. it wasn't uncomfortable or anything. it's hard to explain what i mean, but i just noticed the differences. they weren't bad or anything, but just different. but still, i loved seeing everyone. absolutely loved it. i couldn't ask for better friends.
in some ways i miss high school so much. that routine, that knowledge that you'll know everyone you pass in the hall, the closeness you feel with people in the school...i took it all for granted. i miss it. it's weird how nostalgic i get sometimes over MHS and even my high school in wisconsin. i wish so much that being young never ended. i hate to think that in 10 years i won't be singing in the bars, or be getting wasted on a friday, or be staying up late comtimplating life with friends, or that i will have to pay bills, make dinner, keep my house clean, take care of my kids and my husband. it all freaks me out so fucking much, i can't stand it. i love being free and young.
but the thing is, things will never be the same. since we're all big college kids now, high school is definitely a thing of the past. we'll never have that back. its all so different, college and high school. i feel so old being in college and i'm still just a freshman. but being a high school freshman was the biggest deal in the world. how i looked, acted, freaking how i ate and walked; it was all so important. now i could care less. maybe i wish i still cared like that. maybe i still want those crushes you get for the older boys or those lunch room chats.
i guess the future freaks me out (motion city soundtrack anyone??) and i hate that feeling.
but now it's come down to what am i going to do with myself? i've had a lot of free time lately to just take things in and see where my life is going. i absolutely cannot wait to begin nursing classes next semester. i feel like once i begin those i will actually be on the road to my future. i am also hoping to do some volunteer stuff at the hospital so i can see what its like to really be in that medical environment.
i am lonely. it is true, and i don't mind admitting it. i wish i had someone to depend on every day. i wish i had someone to buy me dinner and take me to the lake for a nice walk. but that's okay. you miss those things when you don't have them mostly because you know you took having them in the past for granted. i know my time will come, but right now it hurts a little to know that i have been alone for so long.
i was so happy to see my loves this weekend. it really didn't feel that much different and the game and downtown was fun...classic, like old times. however, things have changed. i mean its bound to happen and i could tell. it wasn't uncomfortable or anything. it's hard to explain what i mean, but i just noticed the differences. they weren't bad or anything, but just different. but still, i loved seeing everyone. absolutely loved it. i couldn't ask for better friends.
in some ways i miss high school so much. that routine, that knowledge that you'll know everyone you pass in the hall, the closeness you feel with people in the school...i took it all for granted. i miss it. it's weird how nostalgic i get sometimes over MHS and even my high school in wisconsin. i wish so much that being young never ended. i hate to think that in 10 years i won't be singing in the bars, or be getting wasted on a friday, or be staying up late comtimplating life with friends, or that i will have to pay bills, make dinner, keep my house clean, take care of my kids and my husband. it all freaks me out so fucking much, i can't stand it. i love being free and young.
but the thing is, things will never be the same. since we're all big college kids now, high school is definitely a thing of the past. we'll never have that back. its all so different, college and high school. i feel so old being in college and i'm still just a freshman. but being a high school freshman was the biggest deal in the world. how i looked, acted, freaking how i ate and walked; it was all so important. now i could care less. maybe i wish i still cared like that. maybe i still want those crushes you get for the older boys or those lunch room chats.
i guess the future freaks me out (motion city soundtrack anyone??) and i hate that feeling.