(no subject)
my life has been kinda retarded. no bar nights this week. so weak dude. boys went up to marinelli's this week to watch the pistons, and i was so tired i passed out on the couch and missed the game all together. yesterday, i got off work early cause me and dave were gonna do something, and then the fag leaves a vm on my phone saying he needs to "take a rain check". i felt like punching him, because i coulda stayed at work and made more money. anyways, i called him back and listened to his lame excuse of how his stomach hurts and he's tired and blah blah. (such a crock right? lol. like i have stupid on my forehead or something). then he fucked it all up for himself by saying, "it's not you, it's me." and i'm like, "what is that supposed to mean?" and then he goes on to say how guilty he feels about the other night, and he doesn't do those sorts of things when he's in a relationship (which i understand because he's so straight edge, and dave never would do those things). and i was like, "it's cool you don't have to go on and on explaining. and i was totally weirded so if you wanted to hang still, i woulda asked you if you wanted to go get some dinner or something. i really didn't like being there." and so, needless to say, we didn't hang. and i told him if he wanted to get together some other time to call me. but now, i'm kinda debating on what i think. and ash comes out with the "fuck him! he called you that night for a reason. he knew he still liked you, he knew what was going to happen! don't talk to him anymore!"
which opens another "paragraph" worth of things to write about. because we talked on the phone for over two hours last night. and most of the things she talked about pissed me off. she starts handing out opinions on the guys i date, and i think she has NO ROOM to talk after she let jim walk all over her. i'm not naive to the things guys do. SHIT! I INVENTED HALF OF THE SHIT THEY TRY TO PULL! but, we somehow started talking about nelly and she's like, he did this and this to you. and i was like, "hold up. he did one thing, and covered for a friend and lied to me because it was his only option at the time." which is true. he has NEVER once treated me bad, or said anything to hurt me, or purposely went out of his way to be an asshole. on the 40 scale (my point system) he got 10's in at least 3 categories. i would still date him if he could shape up in the last one, but that might take some time. cause he's in his "i'm retarded" stage of life. you know, the one were guys don't grow out of their frat boy life? yeah... but it's not like brian even came close to jim. not to talk smack, but if any guy EVER treated me the way jim treated her, his lifeless body would be swimming with the fishies. i don't know. it was just irritating. don't preach to me when you've had all of what? 3 boyfriends, 2 of which weren't even serious, about my relationships! she hasn't seen enough to give valid points on boy codes of behavior. she hasn't been fucked over or screwed up as much as i have. if i've been around that heartbreak block 50 times and you're still on the porch of your house, don't talk to me. i love the girl, but seriously.
i think i do have a sickness though. last night i was realizing how retarded i am with the guys i'm interested in. i used to be really conceited when i was younger. (i know i've wrote about this before) that i wanted to prance around the hottest guys i could as my boyfriends. and i'd even go to such extents that if i went to their house, and found out they had a hotter brother, i didn't want them anymore. because if i couldn't have the best, even in the family, i didn't want you. so needless to say, i went through plenty of GORGEOUS guys to find out that either A) they weren't up to par B) they had a better looking brother or C) they flat out just BORED ME! which i think is my problem now. i lost the conceited thing, and i've come to realize how much other things are important to me, but if i seriously think you're flawed somewhere, you're fucked. i'm not going to have a boyfriend that i'm not completely proud of standing at my side. i guess i'm so concerned with the "wow" factor. for people to look at the person i'm with and be blown away. i don't really know... but i can't really find what i'm looking for. and before, when i was being conceited, it was a lot easier. it's true, when you act like a bitch, boys love you and crave it. but when you're open and honest guys just want to take advantage of you and leave you.
here's my point system though. for anyone who cares. lol.
1-10 family (if i hate your rents, you're fucked)
1-10 your personality (if you're boring, you're fucked)
1-10 your image (if you give off the wrong vibes, you're fucked)
1-10 your effort (if you're only into yourself, you're fucked)
and there it is... should be easy right? lol.
let's change the subject. i feel like crap today. last night after i got off the phone with dave, lindsay (brian's gf) came over. and my mom, her, brian and i played his new scene it game. it was pretty fun. i got everyone else's answers though, kinda sucked. then i went to read more of helter skelter, and read like 5 pages and passed out. i've done that the past two nights. i'm too tired to read lately. but i got all new books from barnes and noble so i'm stoked. yeah, i'm a nerd.
closing thought: that's mine. that's my property. my real estate. :) lol.
which opens another "paragraph" worth of things to write about. because we talked on the phone for over two hours last night. and most of the things she talked about pissed me off. she starts handing out opinions on the guys i date, and i think she has NO ROOM to talk after she let jim walk all over her. i'm not naive to the things guys do. SHIT! I INVENTED HALF OF THE SHIT THEY TRY TO PULL! but, we somehow started talking about nelly and she's like, he did this and this to you. and i was like, "hold up. he did one thing, and covered for a friend and lied to me because it was his only option at the time." which is true. he has NEVER once treated me bad, or said anything to hurt me, or purposely went out of his way to be an asshole. on the 40 scale (my point system) he got 10's in at least 3 categories. i would still date him if he could shape up in the last one, but that might take some time. cause he's in his "i'm retarded" stage of life. you know, the one were guys don't grow out of their frat boy life? yeah... but it's not like brian even came close to jim. not to talk smack, but if any guy EVER treated me the way jim treated her, his lifeless body would be swimming with the fishies. i don't know. it was just irritating. don't preach to me when you've had all of what? 3 boyfriends, 2 of which weren't even serious, about my relationships! she hasn't seen enough to give valid points on boy codes of behavior. she hasn't been fucked over or screwed up as much as i have. if i've been around that heartbreak block 50 times and you're still on the porch of your house, don't talk to me. i love the girl, but seriously.
i think i do have a sickness though. last night i was realizing how retarded i am with the guys i'm interested in. i used to be really conceited when i was younger. (i know i've wrote about this before) that i wanted to prance around the hottest guys i could as my boyfriends. and i'd even go to such extents that if i went to their house, and found out they had a hotter brother, i didn't want them anymore. because if i couldn't have the best, even in the family, i didn't want you. so needless to say, i went through plenty of GORGEOUS guys to find out that either A) they weren't up to par B) they had a better looking brother or C) they flat out just BORED ME! which i think is my problem now. i lost the conceited thing, and i've come to realize how much other things are important to me, but if i seriously think you're flawed somewhere, you're fucked. i'm not going to have a boyfriend that i'm not completely proud of standing at my side. i guess i'm so concerned with the "wow" factor. for people to look at the person i'm with and be blown away. i don't really know... but i can't really find what i'm looking for. and before, when i was being conceited, it was a lot easier. it's true, when you act like a bitch, boys love you and crave it. but when you're open and honest guys just want to take advantage of you and leave you.
here's my point system though. for anyone who cares. lol.
1-10 family (if i hate your rents, you're fucked)
1-10 your personality (if you're boring, you're fucked)
1-10 your image (if you give off the wrong vibes, you're fucked)
1-10 your effort (if you're only into yourself, you're fucked)
and there it is... should be easy right? lol.
let's change the subject. i feel like crap today. last night after i got off the phone with dave, lindsay (brian's gf) came over. and my mom, her, brian and i played his new scene it game. it was pretty fun. i got everyone else's answers though, kinda sucked. then i went to read more of helter skelter, and read like 5 pages and passed out. i've done that the past two nights. i'm too tired to read lately. but i got all new books from barnes and noble so i'm stoked. yeah, i'm a nerd.
closing thought: that's mine. that's my property. my real estate. :) lol.