(no subject)

[youtookmyredsho]

Its so hard to have someone be completly honest with their feelings towards you and hate themselves for it, but to not be able to tell them how great they are and how much they do mean to you because that would just lead them on and cause more frustration and confusion for them. It makes me think that maybe all those moments that made me feel so infinite can't happen unless one person does feel some kind of romantic attachmeant towards the other. All those thing I would say are just being thrown back, reminding me of how much I probably hurt him, but gave him hope at the same time. I feel horrible about this. These next two weeks are going to be quiet different. I kept longing for a change, although now I'm scared of how it is going to happen in this kind of situation. Yesterday, someone reminded me of the kind of lifestyle change I wanted and I love them for their beautiful words. Now someone separate, someone who I'm closest with, is making another change in which I would think about, but never really would act on because I knew that I enjoyed it. He was the only one that could make me feel like that, I loved it because it wasn't a love interest, it was a relationship most people I know don't have. Love interests that make you feel so incridable like that are lovely, but each time I experience that it doesn't last. This one was a constant. I know it wont be the same now. Know that I care so much about you and in the same second you disconnected what we had over a telephone cord I began to cry. I'm glade you opened up and I'm sorry I caused you to hurt because I didn't feel the same way.

....
Make it with me in preparation for tonight
We've got so much to leave
That's not what makes this right
You've been building up steam
Ignited by this fight
So do this thing with me
Instead of tying on a tight one tonight

With no end
....