Dream #3
((OOC: Gai is about three years old here, and looks a surprising amount like tiny!Lee, complete with a braid and bangs and stuff. Gai's dad looks.... well, an awful lot like Gai does now, though the eyes aren't the same, and he also wears a nice, long braid and bangs. Oh, and no spandex for either of them. XD))
"Forty-eight! Forty-nine!" They yelled out the numbers as they jumped together. Clap-hop-clap! Jumping jacks were fun. Gai liked to jump! He liked the way his muscles stretched and bunched, and how they felt when they did. He liked clapping his hands over his head and on his thighs too, it felt satisfying. And the ground was so solid under his sandals when he jumped! It was like it was jumping back against him too. It would always be there to catch him when he fell. Just like Daddy! Daddy would never leave him alone.
They'd been jumping for a pretty long time now; his chest felt tight, and he had to take big breaths pretty fast since his heart was going thump-thump-thump like a hammer. His arms and legs were all tingly-hot-sore too, but Gai didn't mind. It was okay! Daddy was teaching him that feeling like that could be good, too. If you did it long enough, you started feeling really good and happy and strong, like you could do anything! It was so great!
"FIFTY!" That was the biggest yell of all, and Gai thrust his fists up at the sky. He'd done it! He'd finished all of them!
"That was great! Good job!" Daddy cheered, and Gai grinned because he was grinning too, so they grinned at each other and the sun shone so bright it made their teeth shine too, and they looked just the same. Just the same, he knew, because Mama always said so. They both said that he would look just like Daddy when he grew up, with the same nose and the same braid and the same eyebrows, even if everybody agreed that he had Mama's eyes.
"Yeah!" Gai let out a huge sigh, and panted to catch his breath; jumping was pretty hard work! And it felt pretty good to just stop and stand, so he bet it'd feel even better if he wasn't standing at all.... That sounded like a good idea! Gai flopped backwards into the grass.
(Thunk.)
And hit his head on a rock.
That hurt! Gai couldn't help but start to whimper, sniffling and trying unsuccessfully to blink back tears. He'd hit it pretty hard, too.... It would probably leave a bruise.
"Heyyyy.... Hey, come on! Don't cry!" Daddy swooped him off the ground, zoom-swoosh into the air, and plopped down in the grass with Gai on his lap. "You know you don't need to cry, Gai."
Daddy kissed his forehead, and Gai whimpered. "B-but.... Hurts...."
Daddy looked at Gai, and Gai looked back at him, trying to be quiet, because when Daddy looked like that, it meant he wanted to say something Very Important. "Gai, what do you know about tears? Why do people cry?"
"Uh...." Gai hiccuped and sniffed again, letting Daddy wipe the tears off his cheeks as he tried to think. "'Cause.... sad? And hurt?"
"Not always." Daddy showed him his fingers; they were shiny and wet from the tears, and he let Gai hold his hand while they talked. "Gai, people do cry when they're sad or hurt, or lonely or scared. They can even cry when they're upset and angry. But they also cry other times, did you know that? People can cry when they're happy and proud, too, and all sorts of other things. Remember when I cried when you climbed all the way to the top of the big tree? Do you think I was scared or angry then?"
"No...." Gai shook his head, peeking up at Daddy curiously.
"And remember when I cried when you wrote that note to Kaa-san all by yourself? Do you think I was sad or lonely then?"
Gai remembered that! He wrote a note to tell Mama that he loved her, and he had even signed it! She had been so happy! Mama had put it in a picture frame under glass and put it on the wall in the room where she and Daddy slept, so she could look at it every day. "No...."
"Right! So if people cry because of all of those things, Gai, why do people cry?"
"'Cause, um....." Gai played with Daddy's fingers as he thought. If they cried when they felt happy and sad, then why did they cry? "'Cause they feel stuff?"
"Right! Very good!" Daddy grinned, so Gai managed to smile back, just a little. "People cry because they feel, that's exactly it. People cry because they feel so much that they can't keep it inside them. They get overwhelmed. Do you know what that means, Gai?" He nodded, and Daddy ruffled his hair; Gai giggled. "People cry because they get overwhelmed from feeling so much, and crying helps to let all of those feelings out. It's like the feelings turn into tears, see?" He wiggled his fingers at Gai; they were starting to dry off. "And sometimes, it works! But sometimes, it doesn't work. That's why there are good tears, and not-good tears."
Good tears and not-good tears? "Why?" Gai had stopped crying. He dragged a finger over his cheek, and stuck it into his mouth; it tasted salty, and he wasn't sure how it was good or not-good. "Good tears and bad tears?"
"No, no, of course not!" Daddy shook his head, gently pulling Gai's finger out of his mouth; he set it down on Gai's lap, instead taking Gai's chin and tilting it so they were looking straight at each other. Gai looked--this was also a sign that Daddy wanted to say something Very Very Important. "Tears are never bad. Okay? Tears are never bad. Tears are never wrong. You aren't bad if you cry, and you aren't wrong, and you aren't weak. If you weren't supposed to cry, then you wouldn't be able to cry ever. Do you understand, Gai?"
"Yes, Tou-san." Gai agreed, staring up at Daddy with wide eyes; his cheeks were still shiny from drying tears, but that was okay, because Daddy said it was okay. And Daddy was always right. Right?
Daddy sighed. "There are good tears, and not-good tears. Good tears help you. They help you get all the feelings out, and they help you express your feelings, and they help you feel better. Good tears do things for you. Not-good tears don't help you, because they don't do anything for you. Do you understand, Gai?"
"Yes, Tou-san." Gai agreed again, smiling as Daddy stroked his cheek.
"Let's practice, then. Just to make sure." Daddy smiled back, patting his shoulder. "If you get lost and alone and scared, Gai, and you start to cry, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
"Um...." Gai looked around and thought, but the pretty butterfly he saw wasn't giving him the answer, and the daisy he saw hiding in the grass wasn't, either. "Not-good tears." He finally decided.
"That's right! And why are they not-good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause.... 'cause they don't help." Gai concluded, eyebrows pinched together as he thought. "Still lost!"
"That's right! Very good!" Daddy clapped for him, so Gai clapped too. "You're still lost, even if you cry. So what do you do instead of crying?"
"Get help!" That one was easy! Gai was proud of himself for knowing it so fast.
"Right!" Daddy ruffled his hair. "And if you cry because you're really happy that you just learned something new, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
"Good tears!" That one was easier. He thought he was getting the hang of this! Daddy must be proud of him now!
"Great! And why are they good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause they help you feel good!"
"That's right!" Daddy laughed; Gai laughed, too. "And if you fall down and scrape your knee, and you cry because it hurts, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
Gai had forgotten that his head was supposed to hurt. "Not-good tears!"
"Very good! And why are they not-good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause it'd still hurt!"
"Yeah! And instead of crying, what should you do to make it stop hurting?"
"Get Kaa-san to fix it!" Gai clapped happily. He knew Mama fixed people; that was her job! So she'd be good at making any hurt go away.
"That's right! You've got it, Gai!" Daddy scooped him up again, and this time threw him into the air as he stood. Gai squealed in delight and held out his arms like wings--he was flying! He was flying in the sky, and Daddy was happy!
Daddy was crying too, Gai realized as he was caught; he could see Daddy's eyes and how shiny-wet they were. He decided that they must be good tears, and that made him feel all warm-fuzzy-good inside. Daddy was happy with him, so happy it made him cry, and proud that he was learning so much and getting so smart, and he loved him lots, and....
And Gai loved him too. He loved Daddy and Mama so much, more than anything else in the world. He loved them, and he was proud of their for being such good parents, and he was proud of himself for learning what they were teaching them, and he was so happy they could spend time together and teach him so much, and.... and....
And it was all too big and bright and hot to keep inside him, like a balloon exploding in his chest. So Gai let his eyes get shiny-wet too, and smiled even though he was crying, because he knew that he was supposed to; these were good tears. So Gai wrapped his arms around Daddy's neck, and Daddy wrapped his arms around all of him--Daddy's arms were always big and strong and warm, and Gai hoped his would feel like them someday--in a great big bear hug. So Gai smiled and cried because Daddy was smiling and crying, and they clung to each other in the sun and the grass, and they were just the same. Just the same.
(And he never wanted anything else.)
[Gai wakes up crying. It hardly seems to concern him, though; he's smiling even as he opens his eyes, not bothering to wipe the tears away. His eyes and expression are soft and warm, unfocused in a way that few people, if any, have gotten to see. He doesn't move to get up, or even sit up; he just stares into space in the general direction of the Hitomi, letting the tears fall. His voice, when it finally is heard, is uncharacteristically quiet and gentle.]
Tou-san.... thank you. I still remember. Thank you for coming to see me again.
[It is, after all, an appropriate time to remember it, Gai thinks. With war on the horizon, he's glad for the comfort, and knows they'll all need to remember how to cry soon enough. They might all need to remember the dead, and how to honor them and their sacrifices, their lives and their memories. Finally, he reaches out to turn off the Hitomi, pulling his quilt tighter around himself.]
"Forty-eight! Forty-nine!" They yelled out the numbers as they jumped together. Clap-hop-clap! Jumping jacks were fun. Gai liked to jump! He liked the way his muscles stretched and bunched, and how they felt when they did. He liked clapping his hands over his head and on his thighs too, it felt satisfying. And the ground was so solid under his sandals when he jumped! It was like it was jumping back against him too. It would always be there to catch him when he fell. Just like Daddy! Daddy would never leave him alone.
They'd been jumping for a pretty long time now; his chest felt tight, and he had to take big breaths pretty fast since his heart was going thump-thump-thump like a hammer. His arms and legs were all tingly-hot-sore too, but Gai didn't mind. It was okay! Daddy was teaching him that feeling like that could be good, too. If you did it long enough, you started feeling really good and happy and strong, like you could do anything! It was so great!
"FIFTY!" That was the biggest yell of all, and Gai thrust his fists up at the sky. He'd done it! He'd finished all of them!
"That was great! Good job!" Daddy cheered, and Gai grinned because he was grinning too, so they grinned at each other and the sun shone so bright it made their teeth shine too, and they looked just the same. Just the same, he knew, because Mama always said so. They both said that he would look just like Daddy when he grew up, with the same nose and the same braid and the same eyebrows, even if everybody agreed that he had Mama's eyes.
"Yeah!" Gai let out a huge sigh, and panted to catch his breath; jumping was pretty hard work! And it felt pretty good to just stop and stand, so he bet it'd feel even better if he wasn't standing at all.... That sounded like a good idea! Gai flopped backwards into the grass.
(Thunk.)
And hit his head on a rock.
That hurt! Gai couldn't help but start to whimper, sniffling and trying unsuccessfully to blink back tears. He'd hit it pretty hard, too.... It would probably leave a bruise.
"Heyyyy.... Hey, come on! Don't cry!" Daddy swooped him off the ground, zoom-swoosh into the air, and plopped down in the grass with Gai on his lap. "You know you don't need to cry, Gai."
Daddy kissed his forehead, and Gai whimpered. "B-but.... Hurts...."
Daddy looked at Gai, and Gai looked back at him, trying to be quiet, because when Daddy looked like that, it meant he wanted to say something Very Important. "Gai, what do you know about tears? Why do people cry?"
"Uh...." Gai hiccuped and sniffed again, letting Daddy wipe the tears off his cheeks as he tried to think. "'Cause.... sad? And hurt?"
"Not always." Daddy showed him his fingers; they were shiny and wet from the tears, and he let Gai hold his hand while they talked. "Gai, people do cry when they're sad or hurt, or lonely or scared. They can even cry when they're upset and angry. But they also cry other times, did you know that? People can cry when they're happy and proud, too, and all sorts of other things. Remember when I cried when you climbed all the way to the top of the big tree? Do you think I was scared or angry then?"
"No...." Gai shook his head, peeking up at Daddy curiously.
"And remember when I cried when you wrote that note to Kaa-san all by yourself? Do you think I was sad or lonely then?"
Gai remembered that! He wrote a note to tell Mama that he loved her, and he had even signed it! She had been so happy! Mama had put it in a picture frame under glass and put it on the wall in the room where she and Daddy slept, so she could look at it every day. "No...."
"Right! So if people cry because of all of those things, Gai, why do people cry?"
"'Cause, um....." Gai played with Daddy's fingers as he thought. If they cried when they felt happy and sad, then why did they cry? "'Cause they feel stuff?"
"Right! Very good!" Daddy grinned, so Gai managed to smile back, just a little. "People cry because they feel, that's exactly it. People cry because they feel so much that they can't keep it inside them. They get overwhelmed. Do you know what that means, Gai?" He nodded, and Daddy ruffled his hair; Gai giggled. "People cry because they get overwhelmed from feeling so much, and crying helps to let all of those feelings out. It's like the feelings turn into tears, see?" He wiggled his fingers at Gai; they were starting to dry off. "And sometimes, it works! But sometimes, it doesn't work. That's why there are good tears, and not-good tears."
Good tears and not-good tears? "Why?" Gai had stopped crying. He dragged a finger over his cheek, and stuck it into his mouth; it tasted salty, and he wasn't sure how it was good or not-good. "Good tears and bad tears?"
"No, no, of course not!" Daddy shook his head, gently pulling Gai's finger out of his mouth; he set it down on Gai's lap, instead taking Gai's chin and tilting it so they were looking straight at each other. Gai looked--this was also a sign that Daddy wanted to say something Very Very Important. "Tears are never bad. Okay? Tears are never bad. Tears are never wrong. You aren't bad if you cry, and you aren't wrong, and you aren't weak. If you weren't supposed to cry, then you wouldn't be able to cry ever. Do you understand, Gai?"
"Yes, Tou-san." Gai agreed, staring up at Daddy with wide eyes; his cheeks were still shiny from drying tears, but that was okay, because Daddy said it was okay. And Daddy was always right. Right?
Daddy sighed. "There are good tears, and not-good tears. Good tears help you. They help you get all the feelings out, and they help you express your feelings, and they help you feel better. Good tears do things for you. Not-good tears don't help you, because they don't do anything for you. Do you understand, Gai?"
"Yes, Tou-san." Gai agreed again, smiling as Daddy stroked his cheek.
"Let's practice, then. Just to make sure." Daddy smiled back, patting his shoulder. "If you get lost and alone and scared, Gai, and you start to cry, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
"Um...." Gai looked around and thought, but the pretty butterfly he saw wasn't giving him the answer, and the daisy he saw hiding in the grass wasn't, either. "Not-good tears." He finally decided.
"That's right! And why are they not-good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause.... 'cause they don't help." Gai concluded, eyebrows pinched together as he thought. "Still lost!"
"That's right! Very good!" Daddy clapped for him, so Gai clapped too. "You're still lost, even if you cry. So what do you do instead of crying?"
"Get help!" That one was easy! Gai was proud of himself for knowing it so fast.
"Right!" Daddy ruffled his hair. "And if you cry because you're really happy that you just learned something new, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
"Good tears!" That one was easier. He thought he was getting the hang of this! Daddy must be proud of him now!
"Great! And why are they good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause they help you feel good!"
"That's right!" Daddy laughed; Gai laughed, too. "And if you fall down and scrape your knee, and you cry because it hurts, are those good tears or not-good tears?"
Gai had forgotten that his head was supposed to hurt. "Not-good tears!"
"Very good! And why are they not-good tears, Gai?"
"'Cause it'd still hurt!"
"Yeah! And instead of crying, what should you do to make it stop hurting?"
"Get Kaa-san to fix it!" Gai clapped happily. He knew Mama fixed people; that was her job! So she'd be good at making any hurt go away.
"That's right! You've got it, Gai!" Daddy scooped him up again, and this time threw him into the air as he stood. Gai squealed in delight and held out his arms like wings--he was flying! He was flying in the sky, and Daddy was happy!
Daddy was crying too, Gai realized as he was caught; he could see Daddy's eyes and how shiny-wet they were. He decided that they must be good tears, and that made him feel all warm-fuzzy-good inside. Daddy was happy with him, so happy it made him cry, and proud that he was learning so much and getting so smart, and he loved him lots, and....
And Gai loved him too. He loved Daddy and Mama so much, more than anything else in the world. He loved them, and he was proud of their for being such good parents, and he was proud of himself for learning what they were teaching them, and he was so happy they could spend time together and teach him so much, and.... and....
And it was all too big and bright and hot to keep inside him, like a balloon exploding in his chest. So Gai let his eyes get shiny-wet too, and smiled even though he was crying, because he knew that he was supposed to; these were good tears. So Gai wrapped his arms around Daddy's neck, and Daddy wrapped his arms around all of him--Daddy's arms were always big and strong and warm, and Gai hoped his would feel like them someday--in a great big bear hug. So Gai smiled and cried because Daddy was smiling and crying, and they clung to each other in the sun and the grass, and they were just the same. Just the same.
(And he never wanted anything else.)
[Gai wakes up crying. It hardly seems to concern him, though; he's smiling even as he opens his eyes, not bothering to wipe the tears away. His eyes and expression are soft and warm, unfocused in a way that few people, if any, have gotten to see. He doesn't move to get up, or even sit up; he just stares into space in the general direction of the Hitomi, letting the tears fall. His voice, when it finally is heard, is uncharacteristically quiet and gentle.]
Tou-san.... thank you. I still remember. Thank you for coming to see me again.
[It is, after all, an appropriate time to remember it, Gai thinks. With war on the horizon, he's glad for the comfort, and knows they'll all need to remember how to cry soon enough. They might all need to remember the dead, and how to honor them and their sacrifices, their lives and their memories. Finally, he reaches out to turn off the Hitomi, pulling his quilt tighter around himself.]