this is how i feel when i'm not laughing:
i'm not OK with myself. i've come to the realization that there is not one aspect of my life that i wouldn't change if i could. i'm not asking for anyone to feel bad for me in any way whatsoever; i hate that shit more than anything. i'm just so unhappy with everything all the time. why do i even live here? i never come home or see my mom...or my brother really. i don't get any sort of help when i need it, whether it be a financial or an emotional problem. i work everyday to individually provide a fraction of the things that normal kids my age have handed to them by their parents. where is my dad? why isn't he giving me money? ohhh yeahhhh......
i get my share of love in alcoholic doses from one main source: my best friend, jessica (who tries [but could never] understand my situation because she hasn't experienced it at all). although i think we are constant bad influences on eachother, i don't care. it doesn't even matter. no one could make me any worse of a drug addict than i have been before/am now/will be regardless. i can't keep floating numbly around in angry rages and fake feelings of happiness from my meds. my doctor thinks i need to switch to a different kind. i was crying for so long when i was talking to her, my nose is sore as hell from tissues. it's not like i want to hate my life, or my family, or the people around me; i just don't know how to stop.
<3Bonnie
i get my share of love in alcoholic doses from one main source: my best friend, jessica (who tries [but could never] understand my situation because she hasn't experienced it at all). although i think we are constant bad influences on eachother, i don't care. it doesn't even matter. no one could make me any worse of a drug addict than i have been before/am now/will be regardless. i can't keep floating numbly around in angry rages and fake feelings of happiness from my meds. my doctor thinks i need to switch to a different kind. i was crying for so long when i was talking to her, my nose is sore as hell from tissues. it's not like i want to hate my life, or my family, or the people around me; i just don't know how to stop.
<3Bonnie