lunch time
Yeah, like the Linkin Park song, I'm feeling a bit numb... maybe there will be a day when I can feel complete again... I've had it happen twice in my life. Now I must wait for the third and hopefully the last time. I've had an offer from a really good friend of mine to move back to Seattle in the summer and go back to school. I'm honestly thinking about taking up that offer.
I'm happy to say that once I moved to Idaho, I was always out drinking with my mother... happy to not do that anymore. It felt like shit always throwing up.... but no drinks now is just the same... I still get high off of life, and enjoy that much better.
I know that I have a habit of just getting up, leaving, and forgetting about all that has happened. I don't like to stay situated in tough times... I like to forgive, forget, and move on. That's probably why I don't fit in with a lot of people. There are those stereo-types that got to make a big deal about everything. And it's those people that I can't stand communicating with. Friends... who knows the meaning of that anymore, especially when you can't trust anyone. I know what I want and what I don't want... not afraid to admit to anything. And I whill always let you know how I feel. Rule #1 Honesty 100% Rule #2 Respect Rule #3 Love
So, I've determined that each paycheck I'll make $500 this season. That will cover rent each month and a little more that I can put towards saving to get a car and license. It's very crucial for me to get one... it's so hard living in a red-neck white-trailer-trash town that you need a car to go ANYWHERE. That's another reason why I'd love to take up the offer to go back to Seattle. I wouldn't need a car and could walk or take bus everywhere. Don't get me wrong, I love to drive... but that just means more bills, and I already am in debt $5,000 from a previous b/f.
I don't feel right about complaining... but I feel like "oh, this is my journal. I can say and do anything I want... and there's not a chance I can EMBARRASS anyone." No, we wouldn't want to embarrass anyone here... So, I'm still on the man-hunt for a room-mate. I've decided to just stay local and not look outside of the US. (personal experience). Speaking of personal experiences, I gotta make a call tomorrow.
"A distant romance could begin to look more promising". What to you does that mean!?
My ex-bf's mother wont send me my Christmas things. It's got all of my ornaments, angels, decorations, stockings. All in a shoe box. My father has to meet her on the ferry terminal in Edmonds tomorrow, and I have to send him money in hopes that he will send it to me. I don't care if I get it before Christmas or after... just as long as I finally get it. I've been promised so many times to get trips out over there and to pick up the rest of my belongings... Don't get me wrong, I have patience... but when those promises are broken, so is my heart.
We have this thing called "Sneaky Creeker" going around. It's like a secret santa. I have one of the ladies that enjoys bird watching, classic movies, reading mystery, and loves chocolate. So far I could only find to give her things of birds... I'm pretty sick of birds right now, and she probably is too.
Tell you what... that's it for now. I'll talk more tomorrow (I'm pretty sure). And I'll talk even more when I get my computer up and running with the internet this Wednesday when te delivery comes in. I have Wednesday and Thursday off... so I'll be up late Wednesday night and all of Thursday. Love you lots!! And you know who you are!