i have something to say
if the person in question ever reads this, you know it's about you. i fucked up, i know i did and everyday that you don't talk me because of my fuck up reminds how much i love and need you in my life. i look up to you and i aspire to be like you, a better person. i don't resent you for the way you look. in fact, i don't resent you for anything. i resent myself...not because i don't look like you, but because i can never be as amazing as you are. i don't blame guys for wanting to be with you, you're amazing. i'm blame myself for not being the person guys can look to and think "wow, that girl is amazing." for the last few months i have been so comfortable with myself and it took that one person to kill it. i know i have emotional problems. i know i should fix my problems, but people don't understand how hard it is to fix a problem when you don't have the means. without insurance it's a bitch to get the one medication that was working for me. i pray every night that my problem would go away so i would no longer burden my friends, especially you. you're my best friend. you've been my best friend since the day i met you. i wish i could go back in time to when i was cold to you and change that. i never wanted to be cold to you, i never meant to be. and i'm sorry that i was....for all the times that i was. i wish i could say everything i'm thinking, but it won't all come out. i will admit that i once said that everyone wants you cuz you're thin. but i also said that everyone wants you because you're perfect...to me anyways. i know all of this sounds cheesy and corny, but it's the truth. i never wanted to lose you and it kills me that i probably did. i know that i fucked up and i know that i can't change what happened and i know that you're tired of the ups and downs...but i need you to know that i am sorry and that i will spend as much time as you need to make it up to you. i just love you so much..but if you want me to let you go, i guess i have to, but tell me to do so. god, i wish i could change things....especially me...