I'm awfully sick and tired of being awfully sick and tired

[yoursplendor]

So with any natural human, there comes a point in which things are doubted and actions whether fully/logically analyzed or not, are questioned over and over again. Let me elaborate: I seem to have a thing with the fourth month. In every meaningful relationship (and by this i mean a boy girl kind of thing- or a girl girl or guy guy for that matter- but not just your typical friendship)of mine, it seems to be that the fourth or fifth month in, brings about a wind of change. Sadly, most of the time i see it, think it's just me being weird and paranoid about losing the person i love, and try to forget it...unfortunately for me, every time it turns out to be true, and every time i have a two or three week period where my head is permanately affixed to the toilet seat, and my hand to a kleenex box. It's sleepless, it's restless, it's filled with anxiety and the deepest sadness I've ever known, and it's the most awful feeling in the world. The worst part is, there's absolutely nothing i can do. I could tattoo "LOVE ME!! PLEASE??" onto my forhead, and beg for them to stay by my side, and be my support, but how naive and selfish of me that would be...

Yet on the other hand, this has only happened twice, and for all i know, i could be completely mis-interrpreting the way i've interacted with him...maybe it's like when veterans check their cars for bombs ....just a fear of mine that i've built up, and maybe i'm just fabricating all of this in my head for no reason...

still- i wish i knew what to say, and i wish that if i did, i could say it...and i wish i knew whether or not i am right....and i pray to the fucking non-exsistent god/s that i'm so fucking wrong...