dreaming of screaming, someone kick me out of my mind, i hate these thoughts i can't deny.

[yourshadowknows]

i tried to feel something, but i couldn't. i wanted to feel something, but i didn't. i watched that show and it was not a part of me. i was not a part of it. fiesta bowl day, i wasn't happy or excited or nervous. i cried for hours because that one moment i was waiting for i knew i would never get. and i didn't even sacrifice it willingly. it was taken from me. by me. stolen. by my own body. and now i am so terribly bitter because it means nothing. and never will. i was hoping to forget marching band season. and we had to close the banquet on it. and i don't get another one to make up for it.

i'm not like andrew. i can't say i've touched more than a hundred people. i can't even say i've touched ten.

you all had a great year. and i'm glad i got to watch. you touched strangers. when all i really wanted was for it to touch me.

"You, you went beyond and you lost it all,
Why did you go there?
From beyond you saw it all."

this is for the hugs, the words, the calls, everything. that don't exist.