because i don't need boxes wrapped in strings, and desire and love and empty things.
right now i do not have the time or energy to talk. in general. i have too many things on my plate. too many worries, too many concerns, too many things that i need to get through before i can worry about anything else.
i am treading water in the dark. and i need to find a sunrise. on my own. i want my grandfather to be at my graduation. i need to decide whether or not i want my real father at my graduation. i need to stop letting myself be put in situations i don't want to be put in because i don't understand my own feelings or because i choose to ignore the fact that i do. i need to make my parents understand that i have made this decision because it is what i want. money can't buy happiness. my mother should understand.
and somewhere, i think she does. i just need to find it.
but above all, i need to stop this spiral. it's not where i want to be. and i thought i was done with these cycles. i'm not sure what triggered it. but i have some ideas. emotional stress is killing me right now, one metallic kiss at a time. i'm not unhappy, am i? i don't think i am. if anything, i am quite content in life. i have something to look forward to, and so many wonderful things around me right now. last night was just more proof.
i have a brother that i swear is nothing short of perfect (most days!) because of the way he makes me smile.
i have a little sister who has found more than enough to hope for and have faith in after graduation.
i have a twin soul whose garden grows oh so much like mine, cradle and all, on broadway.
i have a leader who inspires me so much, yet rarely acknolwedges that he does.
i have a good friend who has found her own inner strength and is beginning to love herself again.
AND i have a cuban who i will never regret getting to know. ever. even if she is cuban.
and that's just the beginning of my list. but give me time. all i'm asking is time. to finally get things straight. so i don't feel like i'm drowning more often than not.
"And the one poor child that saved this world,
And there's ten million more who probably could,
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them."
i am treading water in the dark. and i need to find a sunrise. on my own. i want my grandfather to be at my graduation. i need to decide whether or not i want my real father at my graduation. i need to stop letting myself be put in situations i don't want to be put in because i don't understand my own feelings or because i choose to ignore the fact that i do. i need to make my parents understand that i have made this decision because it is what i want. money can't buy happiness. my mother should understand.
and somewhere, i think she does. i just need to find it.
but above all, i need to stop this spiral. it's not where i want to be. and i thought i was done with these cycles. i'm not sure what triggered it. but i have some ideas. emotional stress is killing me right now, one metallic kiss at a time. i'm not unhappy, am i? i don't think i am. if anything, i am quite content in life. i have something to look forward to, and so many wonderful things around me right now. last night was just more proof.
i have a brother that i swear is nothing short of perfect (most days!) because of the way he makes me smile.
i have a little sister who has found more than enough to hope for and have faith in after graduation.
i have a twin soul whose garden grows oh so much like mine, cradle and all, on broadway.
i have a leader who inspires me so much, yet rarely acknolwedges that he does.
i have a good friend who has found her own inner strength and is beginning to love herself again.
AND i have a cuban who i will never regret getting to know. ever. even if she is cuban.
and that's just the beginning of my list. but give me time. all i'm asking is time. to finally get things straight. so i don't feel like i'm drowning more often than not.
"And the one poor child that saved this world,
And there's ten million more who probably could,
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them."