(no subject)
So things here are going pretty well. I'm trying to be slightly more motivated and to care about my job. It's hard, but it's working for the time being.
I am conflicted. Here is the conflict:
*If I stay here with this job for two years, I feel like I will be wasting my time. This community doesn't need my help. I will be organizing nutrition courses and youth groups that I'm not even interested in, and biding my time for two years until I can do something else. Plus it's really fucking hot and sunny here. I think I am developing SAD, but just because there are no other seasons (except for hot and hotter). It's summer all the time.
*The alternative is leaving. If I leave, I'm really going to miss it here. Im going to feel like I threw away what might be my one opportunity to do something interesting, and what might be my one opportunity to live here. Plus I will probably go back to school, and I'm pretty sure I'll regret leaving here the first day of the first class I have. I really don't like school. Sometimes I daydream about what I'd be doing now if I were there. Sometimes it makes me happy, but sometimes it makes me realize that I should take advantage of what I have here while I'm here.
This is making me think that I'm just never happy with what I'm doing at any given time. I'm always thinking about something different that will supposedly be better. And so far it never is. I'm hoping that this is just because I haven't found the right thing yet. But maybe that's just how I am.
On a different note, it smells like an elementary school cafeteria in this internet cafe.
I am conflicted. Here is the conflict:
*If I stay here with this job for two years, I feel like I will be wasting my time. This community doesn't need my help. I will be organizing nutrition courses and youth groups that I'm not even interested in, and biding my time for two years until I can do something else. Plus it's really fucking hot and sunny here. I think I am developing SAD, but just because there are no other seasons (except for hot and hotter). It's summer all the time.
*The alternative is leaving. If I leave, I'm really going to miss it here. Im going to feel like I threw away what might be my one opportunity to do something interesting, and what might be my one opportunity to live here. Plus I will probably go back to school, and I'm pretty sure I'll regret leaving here the first day of the first class I have. I really don't like school. Sometimes I daydream about what I'd be doing now if I were there. Sometimes it makes me happy, but sometimes it makes me realize that I should take advantage of what I have here while I'm here.
This is making me think that I'm just never happy with what I'm doing at any given time. I'm always thinking about something different that will supposedly be better. And so far it never is. I'm hoping that this is just because I haven't found the right thing yet. But maybe that's just how I am.
On a different note, it smells like an elementary school cafeteria in this internet cafe.