spinning the world like a toy top
i give up.
life is just too much for me to deal with sometimes. i want to rip out every strand of hair from my head. why? the never answered question, but sometimes answered too much.
my mom told me about all these times when i was little. she told me about how close my dad and i were. apparently he was the only person that could make me stop crying. it's funny how things work out because now he's what makes me cry. she told me about how she was jealous of how close my dad and i were. i don't remember any of this. the only thing i remember about my childhood is how close my mom and i were. my dad wasn't even in it. i wish i could believe her when she told me all this, but i think she was just doing it to make me feel better. either way, it didn't.
when it comes to my dad and me there is no history. and the people who know me well enough will agree. there is no present. and i can safely say that there probably won't be much of a future. when i see him i don't talk to him and when he calls me i hang up. when he scolds me he thinks i listen but really i just stare down in my lap and clean the shit out from underneath my fingernails with a paperclip. his words are nothing but foreign sounds to me.
life is just too much for me to deal with sometimes. i want to rip out every strand of hair from my head. why? the never answered question, but sometimes answered too much.
my mom told me about all these times when i was little. she told me about how close my dad and i were. apparently he was the only person that could make me stop crying. it's funny how things work out because now he's what makes me cry. she told me about how she was jealous of how close my dad and i were. i don't remember any of this. the only thing i remember about my childhood is how close my mom and i were. my dad wasn't even in it. i wish i could believe her when she told me all this, but i think she was just doing it to make me feel better. either way, it didn't.
when it comes to my dad and me there is no history. and the people who know me well enough will agree. there is no present. and i can safely say that there probably won't be much of a future. when i see him i don't talk to him and when he calls me i hang up. when he scolds me he thinks i listen but really i just stare down in my lap and clean the shit out from underneath my fingernails with a paperclip. his words are nothing but foreign sounds to me.