Perserverance thru Personal triumph...
Work in 4 hours. I'm still wide awake.another night I won't sleep.Since Monday i've slept like 3 Nights and the other nights i've gone completly without sleep. This week has been a blur.Fuck i'm soooo fucked up I can't remember what I did today.I do remember this, I went to the porn store with Julie or Julia (don't remember her name) or some shit and they were playing UnderOath.Hahaha my bro just told me her name is Laura not Julie or Julia hahaha.Shes into me but i'm not feeling it.Its 4 am I got no sleep.Work @ 8am :( I wish I had a girlfriend.I'd be the greatest boy friend ever.Gah i hate not sleeping for days.I try to write songs but they don't make sense.at the same time I make perfect sense.This song reminds me of my first girl friend so much.If i had another chance i'd marry her.But I can't shes gone forever."If everything could ever feel this real forever,If anything could ever be this good again"that line is so appropiate.I think about her alot.Like when Sit alone staring at shit I wonder what we would be doing or how we'd be if that shit had never happened. I'm a hopeless romantic. Its one of the little know facts about me. This entry however sloppy written makes me happy it puts out alot of shit i couldn't even think of or talk about before. I love my friends and family I don't say that enough so if your a friend just know that I love you. Many of you know I fell for a girl hard recently only to have her totally break my heart and not give a fuck about me or her actions or even explaining anything to me until way after the fact even thou i deserved an explanation and when i got it ya'll know it wasnt pretty it was ugly. You also know how it broke me down terribly, well its all good i'm rising back up. If by writing this entry and stating all i have stated makes me a sell out or a puss FUCK IT. If by reading this you got to know me better or you got a better understanding of me GOOD. Seems like this is the only place i can get shit out. My shell is breaking down thou i'm starting to get better at being open and most of all Trusting people again. I just hope no one violates that trust anymore and that no one does something to me that makes me close up again. My future is starting to look promising. I'm about to embark on an entrapenuerial (spelling) journey by opening a business. Seems like financially i'm getting close to where I wanna be in life, but personal life wise i'm so far from where I wanna be. I turn 20 in about a month. I've done alot and acomplished alot more than I would have thought by now. This post is getting long and most of you aren't reading it.Those of you who are thanks.Mostly this entry is just for me i need to get shit out this isn't a READ ME READ ME READ ME post or nothing its just for me. But then again isn't that what having a journals all about,self Discovery and growth. I need to plan a trip or some shit, so once I plan out the opening of the business and settle that shit down and get adjusted me and my boy Nick V. wanna take a trip to maybe corpus. We just need a place to crash we got exspenses and gas shit covered. I've grown really close to Nick in the past month or so hes real, hes good people, too bad he gets fucked over by people and life. My boy Joel is also a REAL AS FUCK MOTHERFUCKER. Your an awesome kid yo, youve taught me alot of cool shit over the span of our relationship and i appreciate it and you and our friendship. I love ya bro. Your damn good people ALWAYS remember that if people don't give you a chance FUCK 'EM their loss and i truly mean that. Fuck i just noticed how much i've written and how its been an hour. FUCK this started as a shitty post and just took on a life of its own. Suddenly it feels as if lifes gonna be okay after all.