(no subject)
last night was by far the hardest night ive ever had to go through.
i went to josh's viewing, which was in the middle of no where on colfax. so that was just weird.
well i try to find a parking spot in the back alley but there wasnt any so i park in between a trash bin and a fence. im surprised there wasnt a bum in there, cause there were alot down there!
so i start walking up to the front and everyone is just looking down and crying real hard and i just thought well maybe i shouldnt do this.
so i walk in and sign the guestbook, then they direct me towards a room that has a bunch of stuff of josh's. and i just saw the outfit he used to wear all the time and just started crying, there were all these pictures of him and ian together and it just killed me.
then i walk into the next room, and i didnt expect it to be this bad.. but josh is laying there in his casket with his graduation cap and gown on and i just loose it, i mean i have never cried so hard to the point where it sounds like im yelling. and joshs brother was just sitting there holding his hand with slow tears running down his face and hes just staring at josh.
his other little brother is sitting with his hands in his face and was screaming i want my brother back
god that just was so hard for me to deal with and on top of it.. it didnt even look like josh.
josh had beautiful big red lips, and long long eyelashes, and when i went up to see him, his lips were white, and his eyelashes were clumpy from the mascara they put on him. it just didnt even look like him, his neck was sunk into his back. and i turn around and luke is there crying too and he just holds me and i loose it again.
all these people from joshs family came up to hug me and told me to stay strong and that itll be okay.
but its not.
i cant even go to class without josh there
i went the first day and i pretty much refuse to ever go again
its just too hard. things are too quiet at smoky now.
its cute though because everyone got chalk and wrote all over the entrance for them, i took a picture on my phone.
i just miss them
and i want them back
i met josh's dad too and he held me for like 5 minutes just crying and i was like i miss him i want him back he needs to be back and then i pointed at him and i was like mr bankett i want you to know that josh didnt let you down, he loves you.. look at him right now.. he graduated for you.. hes in his cap and gown. he did it he wasnt going to let you down. and i heard his little brother tried to commit suicide afterwards.
god i hate dealing with death
i went to josh's viewing, which was in the middle of no where on colfax. so that was just weird.
well i try to find a parking spot in the back alley but there wasnt any so i park in between a trash bin and a fence. im surprised there wasnt a bum in there, cause there were alot down there!
so i start walking up to the front and everyone is just looking down and crying real hard and i just thought well maybe i shouldnt do this.
so i walk in and sign the guestbook, then they direct me towards a room that has a bunch of stuff of josh's. and i just saw the outfit he used to wear all the time and just started crying, there were all these pictures of him and ian together and it just killed me.
then i walk into the next room, and i didnt expect it to be this bad.. but josh is laying there in his casket with his graduation cap and gown on and i just loose it, i mean i have never cried so hard to the point where it sounds like im yelling. and joshs brother was just sitting there holding his hand with slow tears running down his face and hes just staring at josh.
his other little brother is sitting with his hands in his face and was screaming i want my brother back
god that just was so hard for me to deal with and on top of it.. it didnt even look like josh.
josh had beautiful big red lips, and long long eyelashes, and when i went up to see him, his lips were white, and his eyelashes were clumpy from the mascara they put on him. it just didnt even look like him, his neck was sunk into his back. and i turn around and luke is there crying too and he just holds me and i loose it again.
all these people from joshs family came up to hug me and told me to stay strong and that itll be okay.
but its not.
i cant even go to class without josh there
i went the first day and i pretty much refuse to ever go again
its just too hard. things are too quiet at smoky now.
its cute though because everyone got chalk and wrote all over the entrance for them, i took a picture on my phone.
i just miss them
and i want them back
i met josh's dad too and he held me for like 5 minutes just crying and i was like i miss him i want him back he needs to be back and then i pointed at him and i was like mr bankett i want you to know that josh didnt let you down, he loves you.. look at him right now.. he graduated for you.. hes in his cap and gown. he did it he wasnt going to let you down. and i heard his little brother tried to commit suicide afterwards.
god i hate dealing with death