this is from sunday, but i don't have the internet anymore. So I'm updating at Kimsters house!!
2/1/04
Today is a new day. Man, this weekend has been eventful. Being sick isn’t fun, but after taking the correct drugs, you feel better. I haven’t slept for the past week. Last night, I just stayed up all night. Nobody was over or anything, I was just on my computer. You might be wondering what I was doing on the computer at three in the morning…well, I was just looking at bands and all that fun stuff. I looked at a bunch of livejournals, I found people I knew, that was fun. Mmhmmm. I posted in some message boards, that was fun. I looked at my history, and I visited so many sites, I was like wa bam. I’m such a loser. You would think that I would have started my homework or something. No. so, I heard my mom get up for church, so I ran into my bed and pretended I was sleeping. It was perfect timing, like right when I closed my eyes, she opened the door. I said to myself, “Hot damn Tera, you are good.” I thought it was cool. Church was good, I prayed. It’s funny how things can change weekly, you know that? Seriously, write down everything you do on Monday, and then look back at what you wrote, you will be surprised. It’s funny how things just come and go. Like Shawn coming over. It happens so frequently, but if he’s gone for a day, it’s like, what shall I do today if Shawn isn’t coming over? I think I have a cold because my body hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Do think that is the culprit? I think so. Last night, while I was looking at different pages, I ran across something really cool, and I was going to write about it in here, but I forgot. Yea, report cards came in the mail the other day, that isn’t fun at all. My computer is going bye bye. =( that sucks. Like it wasn’t bad enough whenever I lost everything. That’s ok though, maybe it will bring my grades up, that’s what my parents will say will happen. If you really think about it though, if I spent as much time doing homework and studying as I did on the computer, I think I would be a lot smarter. But punishment sucks majorly. Who doesn’t know that though. I thought my GPA wasn’t that bad at all to be quite frank. (hahaha Harold, frank. Yea, ok.) I mean, I know people with less than a 2.0, in fact I know quite a few people like that. But at least they are going to school, making an effort, kinda. Well if you are wondering, my GPA is 3.875. I know..I thought it was good. Do you agree with my parents in taking away my life, aka, my computadora? I don’t, but then again I’m the one with less than a 4.0. I’m not really mad though. Like most kids would be mad at their parents, and I guess I kinda am now that I think about it, but not really, It’s kinda weird you know, kinda being mad, but not really. Wow, I just used kinda three times, oh there’s four. Whoo hoo, I am cool. Mindless typing gets you nowhere in life, but I enjoy doing it. I have no idea if this is going to be my last post, or if it will just be another one in the sea of stupid entries. Oh, that reminds me, while I was looking at journals, I was trying to figure out how to put a cool background on my journal. (Unsuccessful if you couldn’t tell) and I looked at the bottom of my page, and is says something like go to previous entries, so I clicked on it, and I found all my old entries. It was cool, like the page doesn’t get longer, it goes to another page. I was like, whoo hoo, that is cool right there. So, being the boring loser that I am, I read some of the old entries. Some made me happy, a lot of them made me laugh. I liked to look at all the songs I was listening to, so I sang those. That kept me occupied. “A Song To Pass the Time.” Yes, wow. Mmhmm. I did a lot of thinking last night, more than usual. I thought a lot about high school and my future. I thought about the pass. That’s always a killer. I remember when I was so sad about things, like no matter how great my day was, I dwelled over the things that brought me down. I’m glad I have learned to get over things. Haha, well that comment definitely brings up controversy. I can just see some people reading this going, “Tera, getting over things, nuh uh.” But that’s ok, I still think about a lot of things. I think people grow, like a pretty flower. Blossoming, all full and beautiful. I looked at my friends. Man, there are some people that have changed. I love looking at Chantel, and thinking about the ways she has blossomed. I love watching her grow. She has done some changing, but no necessarily bad change. Chantel makes me happy. I’m not picking favorites or anything, but it’s fun to look at chantel and just see the things she has done over the last three years. I went over to Shawn’s house yesterday, and then he came down here later, He bugged me into looking at my photo albums. Yea, if you ever come over, let’s NOT look at photo’s por favor. My hair looked like a gigantic, blonde, curly muff. Why the heck didn’t people tell me I looked so hideous. Not funny, I bet some of you were thinking, “oh nothing has changed Tera, you are still hideous.” That’s ok though, at least I don’t have the freakishly ugly hair. Ahh *sends chills up spine* Anyways, Shawn saw this picture of Chantel, and man oh man. It is such a great picture though, it’s like six of us in front of the girls locker room at Hillsdale. I just stared at chantelly lace, and I said, “man, she is so different now.” I won’t go into details of how she dressed, because I won’t embarrass her, but then again, look at what I was wearing. I guess all of us weren’t making the biggest fashion trend those days. If you’ve been in my room there is this picture of Kelsey, Chantel, and Kimmie right by my telephono. Kelsey has this Gigantic smile on her face, but what makes it even better, is that she has braces on. Kelsey hates that picture whenever she comes over, but I love it to pieces. Chantel had long hair. Kimsters was wearing white while Kelsey an Chantel were wearing black. It’s so cute though. And I remember how Karyn Alexander wore the same dress on graduation. Yea, those were the good old days. It’s funny how many pictures I’ve taken with Debbie, Kimmie, and myself. I think that’s because Kimmie brings a camera to school every day. That must be the reason. I was thinking about counting them, but I decided I didn’t want to. It amazes me how people grow, oh yea, that was the original topic. I was about to say, this sounds conceded, but then I remembered that this is my journal, so I can talk about myself. I think I have grown, a little, a lot, I don’t know. I think only a little. What do you think, do you think I have grown. I think a lot of people were right whenever they said I dwelled on things. I am starting to FINALLY LET GO. Yes, finally. I think ever since I’ve brought myself out of that period of gloom, I have grown. I was a mole, stuck in a hole, blinded by the things in the past. Ha, that was a lot more original than the caterpillar and cocoon story. I think that I’m going to say I am letting go, but there is always going to be memories. That’s ok though, hopefully I will learn to pick people that love me forever. And that don’t lie. I need people that challenge me, not put me down. I guess I could always be the champion of idiots, but I think I’ll move on with life. Seriously, when I’m twenty, where will I be? Where will they be? Where are you going to be? Nobody likes to think about leaving high school. Well, the high school part, I think we are all excited about leaving, but leaving your friends. Nobody wants to think about lose. And that’s what I thought about. I thought about lose instead of gain. I’ve gained some strong relationships this last year. I’ve lost some, but those were the weak ones I guess. I don’t need more weaknesses, that’s for sure. Talking about weakness, I thought about the past and for spending so much time on them. I tried so hard, you have no idea how hard I tried. Finally, I understand that life comes with lose. It’s ok though. If you were to take a backpacking trip, and you found this cool rock, you might pick it up. Up the path you find an even prettier rock. You’re like whoo hooo. So you pick up the new rock, and place it into your backpack. This pattern continues. You notice that your backpack begins to feel heavier and heavier (obviously, you’re putting rocks in there.) to move faster, and to get to the top of the mountain, you must dispose of some of the rocks. This is where it gets tough. You have to pick and choose which rocks you want to keep. This whole journey, I’ve kept all my rocks, and it was at the point where I wasn’t moving anymore. I was weighed down my anxiety and sadness that I just sat there feeling sorry for myself. It’s about time I throw some of the sharp rocks away. The thing is, I’m not going to throw them into the canyon where they will be neglected, and for other hikers to not see their beauty. I think I’ll just place them on the side of the path. It’s there turn to show strength and for them to reach out. This way, I can get to the peak of the mountain a lot faster. And I can scream and sing as loudly as I like. Maybe while I’m coming down the path, I will stop and pick up the rock I left behind. If it is willing to share the happiness it brought forth like it had before, I am willing to take on the burden. Life is tough and personally, I would feel guilty if I ever gave up on someone. I would feel as if I am neglecting them. That’s not what I want to do. I want to be there for them as much as I can, but I’m not going to barge in. If they need me, I will listen happily. I just don’t need to be brought down anymore. Rocks are hard. So is my head. Just coincidence? I don’t think so. Last night, I thought about a lot of memories, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I’ll just dwell on the present now. There are things I need to approve on, my grades, my swimming, and the friendships that I have taken a toll on. It’s time to repay everyone that listened to my dumb pointless stories. They are the rocks I am keeping in my backpack. They will help me celebrate my happiness, instead of bring me down. Hahaha, they will be the people that listening to my “obnoxious and loud singing” on top of the mountain. My friends, past and present, are all good, beautiful people. If I could do things all over, what would I re-do? That brings up a lot of question. It’s over now. Last night made me think, a lot. There is no way to re-write history. It’s time. I’m ready. I am not saying good-bye, I am just ready for the world again.
=)
(I wrote this on Sunday, and I copied it at my house, and so I just put it on a CD-RW and have been looking for a place to copy it into my journal, isn't Kimmie great to let me come over and update my journal? yea, i think so. ok. whoo hoo.)
Today is a new day. Man, this weekend has been eventful. Being sick isn’t fun, but after taking the correct drugs, you feel better. I haven’t slept for the past week. Last night, I just stayed up all night. Nobody was over or anything, I was just on my computer. You might be wondering what I was doing on the computer at three in the morning…well, I was just looking at bands and all that fun stuff. I looked at a bunch of livejournals, I found people I knew, that was fun. Mmhmmm. I posted in some message boards, that was fun. I looked at my history, and I visited so many sites, I was like wa bam. I’m such a loser. You would think that I would have started my homework or something. No. so, I heard my mom get up for church, so I ran into my bed and pretended I was sleeping. It was perfect timing, like right when I closed my eyes, she opened the door. I said to myself, “Hot damn Tera, you are good.” I thought it was cool. Church was good, I prayed. It’s funny how things can change weekly, you know that? Seriously, write down everything you do on Monday, and then look back at what you wrote, you will be surprised. It’s funny how things just come and go. Like Shawn coming over. It happens so frequently, but if he’s gone for a day, it’s like, what shall I do today if Shawn isn’t coming over? I think I have a cold because my body hasn’t gotten enough sleep. Do think that is the culprit? I think so. Last night, while I was looking at different pages, I ran across something really cool, and I was going to write about it in here, but I forgot. Yea, report cards came in the mail the other day, that isn’t fun at all. My computer is going bye bye. =( that sucks. Like it wasn’t bad enough whenever I lost everything. That’s ok though, maybe it will bring my grades up, that’s what my parents will say will happen. If you really think about it though, if I spent as much time doing homework and studying as I did on the computer, I think I would be a lot smarter. But punishment sucks majorly. Who doesn’t know that though. I thought my GPA wasn’t that bad at all to be quite frank. (hahaha Harold, frank. Yea, ok.) I mean, I know people with less than a 2.0, in fact I know quite a few people like that. But at least they are going to school, making an effort, kinda. Well if you are wondering, my GPA is 3.875. I know..I thought it was good. Do you agree with my parents in taking away my life, aka, my computadora? I don’t, but then again I’m the one with less than a 4.0. I’m not really mad though. Like most kids would be mad at their parents, and I guess I kinda am now that I think about it, but not really, It’s kinda weird you know, kinda being mad, but not really. Wow, I just used kinda three times, oh there’s four. Whoo hoo, I am cool. Mindless typing gets you nowhere in life, but I enjoy doing it. I have no idea if this is going to be my last post, or if it will just be another one in the sea of stupid entries. Oh, that reminds me, while I was looking at journals, I was trying to figure out how to put a cool background on my journal. (Unsuccessful if you couldn’t tell) and I looked at the bottom of my page, and is says something like go to previous entries, so I clicked on it, and I found all my old entries. It was cool, like the page doesn’t get longer, it goes to another page. I was like, whoo hoo, that is cool right there. So, being the boring loser that I am, I read some of the old entries. Some made me happy, a lot of them made me laugh. I liked to look at all the songs I was listening to, so I sang those. That kept me occupied. “A Song To Pass the Time.” Yes, wow. Mmhmm. I did a lot of thinking last night, more than usual. I thought a lot about high school and my future. I thought about the pass. That’s always a killer. I remember when I was so sad about things, like no matter how great my day was, I dwelled over the things that brought me down. I’m glad I have learned to get over things. Haha, well that comment definitely brings up controversy. I can just see some people reading this going, “Tera, getting over things, nuh uh.” But that’s ok, I still think about a lot of things. I think people grow, like a pretty flower. Blossoming, all full and beautiful. I looked at my friends. Man, there are some people that have changed. I love looking at Chantel, and thinking about the ways she has blossomed. I love watching her grow. She has done some changing, but no necessarily bad change. Chantel makes me happy. I’m not picking favorites or anything, but it’s fun to look at chantel and just see the things she has done over the last three years. I went over to Shawn’s house yesterday, and then he came down here later, He bugged me into looking at my photo albums. Yea, if you ever come over, let’s NOT look at photo’s por favor. My hair looked like a gigantic, blonde, curly muff. Why the heck didn’t people tell me I looked so hideous. Not funny, I bet some of you were thinking, “oh nothing has changed Tera, you are still hideous.” That’s ok though, at least I don’t have the freakishly ugly hair. Ahh *sends chills up spine* Anyways, Shawn saw this picture of Chantel, and man oh man. It is such a great picture though, it’s like six of us in front of the girls locker room at Hillsdale. I just stared at chantelly lace, and I said, “man, she is so different now.” I won’t go into details of how she dressed, because I won’t embarrass her, but then again, look at what I was wearing. I guess all of us weren’t making the biggest fashion trend those days. If you’ve been in my room there is this picture of Kelsey, Chantel, and Kimmie right by my telephono. Kelsey has this Gigantic smile on her face, but what makes it even better, is that she has braces on. Kelsey hates that picture whenever she comes over, but I love it to pieces. Chantel had long hair. Kimsters was wearing white while Kelsey an Chantel were wearing black. It’s so cute though. And I remember how Karyn Alexander wore the same dress on graduation. Yea, those were the good old days. It’s funny how many pictures I’ve taken with Debbie, Kimmie, and myself. I think that’s because Kimmie brings a camera to school every day. That must be the reason. I was thinking about counting them, but I decided I didn’t want to. It amazes me how people grow, oh yea, that was the original topic. I was about to say, this sounds conceded, but then I remembered that this is my journal, so I can talk about myself. I think I have grown, a little, a lot, I don’t know. I think only a little. What do you think, do you think I have grown. I think a lot of people were right whenever they said I dwelled on things. I am starting to FINALLY LET GO. Yes, finally. I think ever since I’ve brought myself out of that period of gloom, I have grown. I was a mole, stuck in a hole, blinded by the things in the past. Ha, that was a lot more original than the caterpillar and cocoon story. I think that I’m going to say I am letting go, but there is always going to be memories. That’s ok though, hopefully I will learn to pick people that love me forever. And that don’t lie. I need people that challenge me, not put me down. I guess I could always be the champion of idiots, but I think I’ll move on with life. Seriously, when I’m twenty, where will I be? Where will they be? Where are you going to be? Nobody likes to think about leaving high school. Well, the high school part, I think we are all excited about leaving, but leaving your friends. Nobody wants to think about lose. And that’s what I thought about. I thought about lose instead of gain. I’ve gained some strong relationships this last year. I’ve lost some, but those were the weak ones I guess. I don’t need more weaknesses, that’s for sure. Talking about weakness, I thought about the past and for spending so much time on them. I tried so hard, you have no idea how hard I tried. Finally, I understand that life comes with lose. It’s ok though. If you were to take a backpacking trip, and you found this cool rock, you might pick it up. Up the path you find an even prettier rock. You’re like whoo hooo. So you pick up the new rock, and place it into your backpack. This pattern continues. You notice that your backpack begins to feel heavier and heavier (obviously, you’re putting rocks in there.) to move faster, and to get to the top of the mountain, you must dispose of some of the rocks. This is where it gets tough. You have to pick and choose which rocks you want to keep. This whole journey, I’ve kept all my rocks, and it was at the point where I wasn’t moving anymore. I was weighed down my anxiety and sadness that I just sat there feeling sorry for myself. It’s about time I throw some of the sharp rocks away. The thing is, I’m not going to throw them into the canyon where they will be neglected, and for other hikers to not see their beauty. I think I’ll just place them on the side of the path. It’s there turn to show strength and for them to reach out. This way, I can get to the peak of the mountain a lot faster. And I can scream and sing as loudly as I like. Maybe while I’m coming down the path, I will stop and pick up the rock I left behind. If it is willing to share the happiness it brought forth like it had before, I am willing to take on the burden. Life is tough and personally, I would feel guilty if I ever gave up on someone. I would feel as if I am neglecting them. That’s not what I want to do. I want to be there for them as much as I can, but I’m not going to barge in. If they need me, I will listen happily. I just don’t need to be brought down anymore. Rocks are hard. So is my head. Just coincidence? I don’t think so. Last night, I thought about a lot of memories, the good, the bad, and the ugly. I think I’ll just dwell on the present now. There are things I need to approve on, my grades, my swimming, and the friendships that I have taken a toll on. It’s time to repay everyone that listened to my dumb pointless stories. They are the rocks I am keeping in my backpack. They will help me celebrate my happiness, instead of bring me down. Hahaha, they will be the people that listening to my “obnoxious and loud singing” on top of the mountain. My friends, past and present, are all good, beautiful people. If I could do things all over, what would I re-do? That brings up a lot of question. It’s over now. Last night made me think, a lot. There is no way to re-write history. It’s time. I’m ready. I am not saying good-bye, I am just ready for the world again.
=)
(I wrote this on Sunday, and I copied it at my house, and so I just put it on a CD-RW and have been looking for a place to copy it into my journal, isn't Kimmie great to let me come over and update my journal? yea, i think so. ok. whoo hoo.)