"If you're just joining us, it's 2:47 in the a.m.,
and you're watching 'Perspectives'. I'm your host, Lionel Osbourne, and with us here is our guest Germaine Allensworth of the Pittsburgh Pirates. Now, Pittsburgh. That's in Pennsylvania, right?"-A Classic SNL Sketch to fade away in reruns.
Now onto bigger and better things.
I'm sitting here at the computer desk, or as I like to call it, "Knowledge Central" (Conan O'Brien reference). I've just been enjoying some tunes and relaxing with an ice cold Pepsi. Nothing too illegal, unless you're a citizen of Cuba.
Who here hasn't had the urge to run on the beach, with a nice breeze, while chasing the most beautiful woman, who has made it her mission to flirt the night away with you...?
I often gasp at how people enjoy cheese that smells worse than moldy feet.
What?
I want to creep into bed and pretend that I'm in a magical spaceship. My mission: to save the world from Canada.
Did someone say, "Let's wrestle naked in whipped cream?"
Did I just say that?
Did they?
What?
Why do they call it an 'inning' in baseball? Since players run out onto the field, shouldn't it be an 'outing'?
M&M chocolate chip cookies are overrated.
Turning left with the right blinker on is an art in itself.
Cursive writing is not what I think it is.
"Who throws a shoe? Honestly. You fight like a woman."
What's a food you take to the beach? Turkey.
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
This is only a test.
What?
I would like to know who left the cake in the rain.
What happened to the robot girl in 'Small Wonder'?
What happened to random question time, usually scheduled for a time like now?
Why is it called 'gouda' cheese when it is so bad-a?
There is a fly in my soup.
Rolodex.
What?
Losing one's cell phone on the 'Scream' ride at Six Flags sucks. Losing one's cell phone in the crease in the couch sucks. Losing one's cell phone in the crease of one's belly is embarrassing.
Why is it called a folder when it carries papers, leaving you to do all the folding?
Sex. On a beach. Quite sandy.
I need to watch more and glance less.
Kirsten, I didn't look anywhere I wasn't supposed to with 'you know who'. I promise. Best behavior, I swear.
Who orders their club sandwich without bacon? Jewish people.
Let's have a moment, shall we?-------------Oooh, good one.
Nice weather we're having.
Ok, you fine people, I must take my exit. But, alas, I shall leave you with this fine bit of wisdom.
"Post game show brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it... TO HELL WITH IT!"
Now onto bigger and better things.
I'm sitting here at the computer desk, or as I like to call it, "Knowledge Central" (Conan O'Brien reference). I've just been enjoying some tunes and relaxing with an ice cold Pepsi. Nothing too illegal, unless you're a citizen of Cuba.
Who here hasn't had the urge to run on the beach, with a nice breeze, while chasing the most beautiful woman, who has made it her mission to flirt the night away with you...?
I often gasp at how people enjoy cheese that smells worse than moldy feet.
What?
I want to creep into bed and pretend that I'm in a magical spaceship. My mission: to save the world from Canada.
Did someone say, "Let's wrestle naked in whipped cream?"
Did I just say that?
Did they?
What?
Why do they call it an 'inning' in baseball? Since players run out onto the field, shouldn't it be an 'outing'?
M&M chocolate chip cookies are overrated.
Turning left with the right blinker on is an art in itself.
Cursive writing is not what I think it is.
"Who throws a shoe? Honestly. You fight like a woman."
What's a food you take to the beach? Turkey.
This is a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.
This is only a test.
What?
I would like to know who left the cake in the rain.
What happened to the robot girl in 'Small Wonder'?
What happened to random question time, usually scheduled for a time like now?
Why is it called 'gouda' cheese when it is so bad-a?
There is a fly in my soup.
Rolodex.
What?
Losing one's cell phone on the 'Scream' ride at Six Flags sucks. Losing one's cell phone in the crease in the couch sucks. Losing one's cell phone in the crease of one's belly is embarrassing.
Why is it called a folder when it carries papers, leaving you to do all the folding?
Sex. On a beach. Quite sandy.
I need to watch more and glance less.
Kirsten, I didn't look anywhere I wasn't supposed to with 'you know who'. I promise. Best behavior, I swear.
Who orders their club sandwich without bacon? Jewish people.
Let's have a moment, shall we?-------------Oooh, good one.
Nice weather we're having.
Ok, you fine people, I must take my exit. But, alas, I shall leave you with this fine bit of wisdom.
"Post game show brought to you by... Christ, I can't find it... TO HELL WITH IT!"