The second week of grad school
Right now I am scaring myself because I am considering drinking/smoking very strongly to help me deal with my loneliness and depression. so, yeah, there's that.
don't know where to start . . .
been really lonely here. I don't like it at all, and my sleep schedule is so messed up because I just watch episodes of true blood and gorge myself on mountain dew and nutella. I hate my life right now. I don't like who I am, and I don't have enough self-control to stop. Why can't I be addicted to the party life like some of the people here, and run around night after night and still get all their work done. Instead I don't know how to act or be around people and I go home and isolate myself and hang with cameron for comfort.
I wish I had love in my life, but all the people I love are so far away from me, and I don't think that's going to change.
I thought I was ready to leave dallas because I knew there was something else out there for me, but every day that I'm here makes me feel like I will just find the same thing everywhere I go. It's not the place that makes the life, but the person. I'm the one in charge, and I can't even give myself a good attitude. Molly says I'll get over it, but that can't be fast enough. Thank god it's the weekend, and I can not worry about work, even though I still have to do it. It's molly's birthday and I haven't even made her a card yet. god damn it.
I am a lazy shit. I feel horrible about myself. I don't know what to do.
don't know where to start . . .
been really lonely here. I don't like it at all, and my sleep schedule is so messed up because I just watch episodes of true blood and gorge myself on mountain dew and nutella. I hate my life right now. I don't like who I am, and I don't have enough self-control to stop. Why can't I be addicted to the party life like some of the people here, and run around night after night and still get all their work done. Instead I don't know how to act or be around people and I go home and isolate myself and hang with cameron for comfort.
I wish I had love in my life, but all the people I love are so far away from me, and I don't think that's going to change.
I thought I was ready to leave dallas because I knew there was something else out there for me, but every day that I'm here makes me feel like I will just find the same thing everywhere I go. It's not the place that makes the life, but the person. I'm the one in charge, and I can't even give myself a good attitude. Molly says I'll get over it, but that can't be fast enough. Thank god it's the weekend, and I can not worry about work, even though I still have to do it. It's molly's birthday and I haven't even made her a card yet. god damn it.
I am a lazy shit. I feel horrible about myself. I don't know what to do.