Change will come, prepare!
I am writing in this livejournal to accomplish two things: documentation and "talk-through." That way when I look back I can clearly identify when and in what order events in my life happened, including how I felt about them, but I can also use journaling as a tool to make sense of the present. Sometimes that second one messes up the first one.
Anyway, I was struggling with my present situation for the past month. I was in the ebb and flow of, what I believe to be, natural ups and downs. So, it's been pretty down, down, down lately, and then I received my acceptance letter to Carnegie Mellon. It could not have come at a better time! I am going to to go grad school next year, which means a new chapter in my life can begin, and I'm super excited, and still super scared. I am waiting to hear from SMU, but have a feeling they will not accept me, which would make my decision quite simple.
Two things happen when you are on the cusp of change and start telling other people. They react by sometimes talking to you about the state of their goings-on, and struggle with their stagnant surroundings, or their urge to move into a different way, or they see the reality of my relationship to them and either embrace it or slowly begin the process of relinquishing me from their life, but in a nice way. It can save people a lot of time and energy to begin the process of letting go way earlier than they need to. I am experiencing anxiety about this process. Certain people occupy the majority of my brain space, the usual suspects, and I find myself thinking and talking about Joel more than I care to admit, but wanted to document that he is a large part of my life in Dallas. Going to Pittsburgh would mean that I have a little more than 4 months left here, and leaving scares me. I remember how tough it was to make new (more importantly interesting and genuine) friends when I came to undergrad. And in that case there was the expectation of community and shared living experiences, but in grad school everyone will be more independent, I won't be living in a dorm or shared space, and I'll be new to the city and the COLD. I'm really scared of the cold, it frightens me.
I know it will be good for me.
It will be good for you, stephanie!
To reach out, travel to a new atmosphere and to the Northeast. You'll be able to visit molly more easily, and if you like it or not, ryan also lives relatively close. I will be able to embrace my independence, which is something I have felt particularly attached to lately. I need to talk here about relationships, about my stance on marriage and lifestyles. I should write another entry about that. *reminder You will overcome the obstacles, and learn new and interesting things!!! YAY for school again, think positive!
I need to go to sleep, had the best day yesterday, got a haircut, spring cleaning with Maddie and moved furniture around, work was great, and then hung out at fallout for Cumbia night and went home with Joel. Didn't sleep much the past few days, which I should do more often. Not sleep so much, that is.
wishing my brain would shut off easily so I can drift into dreamland . . . . . . . . . . . .
Anyway, I was struggling with my present situation for the past month. I was in the ebb and flow of, what I believe to be, natural ups and downs. So, it's been pretty down, down, down lately, and then I received my acceptance letter to Carnegie Mellon. It could not have come at a better time! I am going to to go grad school next year, which means a new chapter in my life can begin, and I'm super excited, and still super scared. I am waiting to hear from SMU, but have a feeling they will not accept me, which would make my decision quite simple.
Two things happen when you are on the cusp of change and start telling other people. They react by sometimes talking to you about the state of their goings-on, and struggle with their stagnant surroundings, or their urge to move into a different way, or they see the reality of my relationship to them and either embrace it or slowly begin the process of relinquishing me from their life, but in a nice way. It can save people a lot of time and energy to begin the process of letting go way earlier than they need to. I am experiencing anxiety about this process. Certain people occupy the majority of my brain space, the usual suspects, and I find myself thinking and talking about Joel more than I care to admit, but wanted to document that he is a large part of my life in Dallas. Going to Pittsburgh would mean that I have a little more than 4 months left here, and leaving scares me. I remember how tough it was to make new (more importantly interesting and genuine) friends when I came to undergrad. And in that case there was the expectation of community and shared living experiences, but in grad school everyone will be more independent, I won't be living in a dorm or shared space, and I'll be new to the city and the COLD. I'm really scared of the cold, it frightens me.
I know it will be good for me.
It will be good for you, stephanie!
To reach out, travel to a new atmosphere and to the Northeast. You'll be able to visit molly more easily, and if you like it or not, ryan also lives relatively close. I will be able to embrace my independence, which is something I have felt particularly attached to lately. I need to talk here about relationships, about my stance on marriage and lifestyles. I should write another entry about that. *reminder You will overcome the obstacles, and learn new and interesting things!!! YAY for school again, think positive!
I need to go to sleep, had the best day yesterday, got a haircut, spring cleaning with Maddie and moved furniture around, work was great, and then hung out at fallout for Cumbia night and went home with Joel. Didn't sleep much the past few days, which I should do more often. Not sleep so much, that is.
wishing my brain would shut off easily so I can drift into dreamland . . . . . . . . . . . .