RL with the Doctor

[youronly_friend]

The Doctor clutched at the railing of the TARDIS helplessly for a moment, hanging there in the silence seconds after Rose had vanished from his view. He was alone. The tracks of tears cooled on his cheeks, and for once, he did not bother to brush them away or ignore them. Gone. She was gone. Forever. It took him a moment to release his grip on the

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[youronly_friend]

Ohh, the Doctor was so sad. The Test Card Girl knew him; or knew of him, at any rate. He made very entertaining viewing, the Doctor, rocketing about the universe in his TARDIS. She sometimes got jealous; why should he have so much freedom when she was stuck in the little glass room all alone?

But now... now the poor Doctor's hearts were breaking, tears trickling down his face. He needed a friend now, more than anything. And besides, one little blonde girl was much the same as another, wasn't it? Eeeheeheehee. The Test Card Girl smiled an eerie child's grin, hugging her clown close to her. All that was needed was to find a television on the Doctor's ship, and then she could go to him.

Onboard the TARDIS, the console monitor flickered on with a sound that most decidedly did not belong on a ship of that level of technology. A small, ringing click- the sound old tube televisions made when they were turned on- and suddenly and silently, the Test Card Girl appeared, sitting crosslegged on the console next to the screen. She cocked her head down at the Doctor.

'Poor Doctor,' she intoned, 'so alone.'

[phd_query]

The Doctor was incredibly sad. More sad than he'd been in a long while... well, not such a long while. Why was it his life aways tended to be melancholy. Zipping around time and space indeed, his life always in a tizzy, always on the go and never, ever looking back. Freedom was his lifeblood. He needed it to survive - you couldn't keep a bird caged up for long, and the Doctor was one of those birds that would simply pine away if locked up.

He rubbed at his eyes with the tips of his fingers - they were a bit red from crying. Swallowed. Managed to compose himself, at least a little, but his posture completely belied any attempt he might have had to appear unaffected or normal, really.

The Doctor looked up at the voice of the girl, sitting up and putting his feet on the deck slowly - he was normally a graceful creature, but his movements read as weary.

"You there," he said quietly, tilting his head to the side, "How'd you get in, then?"

[youronly_friend]

The girl just smiled a small smile, tilting her head to the side in a mirror of the Doctor's gesture. He hardly seemed surprised at her presence there, and certainly not terrified in the way Sam had been when she first appeared to him. Oh, he was going to be fun

'I'm always here,' she said, in answer to his question. 'I'm everywhere, watching and listening. You needed a friend.'

And he did. The Doctor was so, so lonely. Ancient and terrible, and utterly alone. She could see all the years in him, behind him, weighing him down. And now without his Bad Wolf, he didn't know what to do. She could be his friend, if he wanted her to be, or she could make his life much, much harder than it already was. His choice, really.

[phd_query]

Plainly said, the Doctor was really quite used to unusual things happening to him. This was not the first time someone had appeared in the TARDIS, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. The Doctor leaned forward to gaze at the little girl, offering her at least an attempt of a smile.

"Really now?" He was intrigued - and too tired to be to ornery that she'd just appeared He was curious, anyway, and that could be his worse vice at times. Inwardly, quietly, he hoped it wouldn't be his end someday. "You're an odd one, you are. Not that odd is bad, or anything, but really."

A pause.

"How do you know my name?"

[youronly_friend]

When the Doctor looked at her with sudden, renewed curiosity, the girl very nearly giggled.

'But that isn't your name,' she said, her voice almost a monotone, and then sing-songed, 'Little boy Theta chose it because he liked it better than his own. The lonely little boy who wanted to make people better.'

How sanctimonious is that? she heard in her head, from the one who looked like Sam, the Mister Master, but the Doctor hadn't met him yet; that was another hurt, another loss yet to come. So instead of mentioning him, she tilted her head back up, staring unwaveringly at the Doctor.

'You've got lots of names. Ka Faraq Gatri, Karshtakavaar, the Oncoming Storm. Doctor of Everything.'

She paused, her little face growing almost solemn for a moment. 'I don't have a name.'

[phd_query]

The Doctor stiffened visibly. Whoever this little girl was, she'd certainly hit the right buttons, and hit them hard. Biting his lip, the Doctor got to his feet, approaching the little girl and standing in front of her to look down into her eyes with his own - fathomless, usually warm, but very recently gone cold and black. So very, very cold. No anger though. Maybe fear.

"Yeah... but those are all titles." He smiled - just a little. It was a wary, frightened smile. The smile of a man who knows he is cornered and has nowhere to hide.

"You can't know any of that," he murmured very, very quietly. His hands found themselves tucking into his pockets as he gazed at the little girl sitting on his console.

"It's impossible for you to know any of that, little girl."

[youronly_friend]

'There's no such thing as impossible, Doctor; you should know that.' The Test Card Girl looked up at him innocently. Oh, it was such fun to see the way he tensed, looking at her warily as though she might spring up and attack him at any moment. Silly Doctor. She'd never hurt him; she couldn't really. But he could hurt himself very easily.

'Nothing's impossible,' she repeated again. 'You said there was no way to do it, but you killed a star just to say goodbye to her. That was supposed to be impossible too.'

[phd_query]

It was not fun, however, to see the Doctor back away from the little girl. His big, dark eyes were welling with tears again. There was a valiant attempt on his part to swallow them back as he stared back, unflinching at the girl. White fingers clenched at the material in his pockets.

He said nothing.

[youronly_friend]

As the Doctor compulsively backed away, the Test Card Girl seemed to blink out of existence for a moment, in the same way the image on an old television blinked out when the set was turned off. An instant later, though, she appeared sitting on the chair next to the console. Her feet in their Mary Jane shoes and ruffled anklets swung aimlessly as she looked up at the Doctor.

'The Big Bad Wolf bit off more than she could chew; huffed and puffed and blew the house down, and then there wasn't one to go back to. Silly girl.'

The Doctor's hands in his pockets tensed further, clenched knuckles making an uneven pattern of bumps pressing out against the fabric. The girl shook her head.

'I know you've just lost her. Sewed up the hole with needle and thread and you don't have any scissors to get back through. I told you you needed a friend.'

[phd_query]

"She saved the world." He was almost whispering, but his voice was tight, edging into anger. He did not turn to face her, instead staring at the console in front of him, the familiar engines of his ship, the wooden doors. "The entire universe. Twice. Little girl, Rose was brilliant, she was... fantastic." Lingering pride in his voice. Of course - he loves her, but he'll never say. "She'll live a good life. She's safe with her family."

The Doctor's hands unclenched, slowly, but his shoulders were still tense, his entire body language was coiled in upon itself, wired with nervous, frantic energy. In the same instant, he looked exhausted, drained. Lonely.

He looked over his shoulder at the girl, straightening a little, regaining his composure.

"Really though, how do you know all of this? It's a bit odd, is what it is."

[youronly_friend]

'That's not what she wants, though,' the little girl murmured. Her legs weren't swinging anymore, and she looked solemnly at the Doctor. 'She'll look for you; she won't ever stop looking for you, ever, because she loves you, Doctor. You do too, but you won't let yourself say it. You wasted your last chance. Poor boy.'

Looking down as if disappointed in him, she fussed with her clown, hugging the little doll close. She didn't say anything though, just waited for the Doctor to speak again. And of course he did, shoving away the grief and tears for much easier curiosity, and the Test Card Girl spun herself around to look up at him. Her eyes shone strangely, and her smile was incongruously twisted on that sweet young face.

'I know everything, Doctor. I sit in my little glass room and I watch and watch and watch. I can never sleep.'

[phd_query]

"It's not what I wanted either."

That's all he said on that subject.

Curiosity was easier than looking like a fool in front of a child. And he did, predictably enough, put his grief into check, tucking it away for a moment when he would be alone, on the other side of the universe from people.

The Doctor sat down next to the girl and then tipped his head sideways to look over at her. Silence passed in a long couple of minutes. Those black eyes were quiet again, cold and calm.

"You're alone too, though. You're not a real little girl, are you? Just someone's plaything. Maybe you're just an accident."

Long legs stretched to rest on the console across from him, and the Doctor slumped into his seat a little. He seemed to be relaxing a little, but it was very likely he was just too tired to fight or be angry at the moment. Who gets angry at little girls, anyway?

"Never sleeping. Never aging." The Doctor laughed softly, staring up at the ceiling for a second. "Seeing everything. Ancient, and always."

[youronly_friend]

'I am alone,' she agreed placidly. 'I tried to be Sam's friend, but he didn't want me. But I'm there for him anyway; I'm his only friend; poor Sam.'

Sam had made her, in his own unintentional way, when he woke up in 1973. An accident she might have been, but she was Sam's accident. He had needed a friend, and so she'd been there for him, but since he didn't want her, she'd been forced to look elsewhere. But she was nobody's plaything. Oh no. She nodded understanding when the Doctor spoke, eyeing him with interest.

'Like you,' she said softly.

She paused, and suddenly looked brightly over at the Doctor. 'Would you be my friend?

[phd_query]

Time was a weird, weird thing. The Doctor was used to handling it with a grain of salt and a wink and a nod. Not like it was a sentient part of the universe, but from time to time, it seemed to have a certain wryness about it. At the moment, the Doctor was puzzling out how in the world this girl could have ended up on his ship, though his inner monologue was interrupted as his hyperactive attention quickly rerouted to the girl sitting next to him when she spoke again.

"I know how that goes. Just want to help - just want to do something useful 'cause you've got nothing better to do, and that's all you know how to do, and that lot of apes wants none of it, eh?"

A bright smile directed towards the girl. That was more the Doctor, that inner joy - no matter what happened to him, he could always smile at something. It'd kept him alive.

"Oh, little girl, I'm not sure you want to be my friend. If you've been watching me, and I bet you have been, you know what my life's like, and it's one bloody mess and insanity after another. You sure?"

[youronly_friend]

'I don't have any friends,' she said, quite simply, looking over at the Doctor. She didn't. She didn't get lonely, not really, but she did get terribly bored, sitting in her little glass room and watching all the time. Someone to talk to would be nice.

'Sam's life isn't easy either, but I wanted to be his friend too.'

She smiled suddenly, brightly, a match to the Doctor's expression. 'Maybe I can help you.'

[phd_query]

"You think?" he titled his head to the side with another smile directed at the little girl. "What about you? You ever get tired of being alone? All alone, always knowing everything... gods, I know it gets old sometimes, at least for me."

Someone to talk to would be nice...

"If you're so certain... Come with me?" He asked quietly... maybe even a touch hopefully.