f-ing random update
why is it that all these entries are written at the height of my emotions? When does this get easier. i'm so fucking lonely. it's insane. yeah, in addition to being insane i'm feeling so stupid, i'm weak. i hate being weak because i fancy myself wonderwoman, but i don't have room in my head for all these "feelings" emo as that sounds. (God i hate that word emo. bleuck.) I'm so mad. I'm mad at myself. how do i do that!? how do i turn all of this anger inward? i need an outlet because right now, my outlets have not been very healthy. whatever. wow. epiphany: Who the fuck cares what my outlet for my anger is? my friends don't know or inquire, most of them don't care (they would pretend to care if they knew but lets be honest, who in the world wants to be burdened with someone else's problems? It's human nature to be egocentric and most people don't think to have a nice, convenient livejournal acount to let all of the selfishness out)). My parents don't give a shit about how i'm doing mentaly obviously. and he dropped out of college. fuck. i knew about it basicaly but why didn't he want me to know? i'm not reading far into that because its not worth it unless i can hear him tell me about whats going through his head and we all know that's not gonna happen because of the people i hate most right now.
hah, wow, this entry is pathetic, it needs ballance. i will write about something positive.
let me think.
luke wrote a bassline for the song that needed a bassline. Its sooo good and we're probably gonna record on wed. I'm trying to sound enthusiastic about it here. And i am! it's exciting. Oh and i got another copy of crazy/beautiful because my old copy was stolen. Yes, he knows who he is. So now i'm watching it. It really is a terrible movie. bad acting, cliche chick flick. but i will continue watching it, because i'm pathetic and thats what i do. This movie still makes me cry at the end. only now for different reasons.
okay making this entry better just went downhill, round 2
umm... I worked on the massive colage thats on my walls, its now on 3/4ths of my room now. I'll be done soon. Thats happy. Oh and i got new incense so my room smells fabulous. yay.
fuck this, life sucks, it won't suck forever, but it sucks right now.
A Clockwork Orange is finaly making sense. It's so hard to get the lingo, i just found out that half of it is written in russian anyway! no wonder i gave up reading it the first time. I'm getting it now Oh good song just came on, sleep by the dandy warhols. god soooooooo good. this movie is how i found out about that song. another reason to love crazy/beautiful.
maybe i'll go meditate. yeah, that sounds good.
hah, wow, this entry is pathetic, it needs ballance. i will write about something positive.
let me think.
luke wrote a bassline for the song that needed a bassline. Its sooo good and we're probably gonna record on wed. I'm trying to sound enthusiastic about it here. And i am! it's exciting. Oh and i got another copy of crazy/beautiful because my old copy was stolen. Yes, he knows who he is. So now i'm watching it. It really is a terrible movie. bad acting, cliche chick flick. but i will continue watching it, because i'm pathetic and thats what i do. This movie still makes me cry at the end. only now for different reasons.
okay making this entry better just went downhill, round 2
umm... I worked on the massive colage thats on my walls, its now on 3/4ths of my room now. I'll be done soon. Thats happy. Oh and i got new incense so my room smells fabulous. yay.
fuck this, life sucks, it won't suck forever, but it sucks right now.
A Clockwork Orange is finaly making sense. It's so hard to get the lingo, i just found out that half of it is written in russian anyway! no wonder i gave up reading it the first time. I'm getting it now Oh good song just came on, sleep by the dandy warhols. god soooooooo good. this movie is how i found out about that song. another reason to love crazy/beautiful.
maybe i'll go meditate. yeah, that sounds good.