(no subject)
Hahahaha.
Hi(:
I miss you,mum.
Haha how abrupt.
But its true?
I guess.
You know that night. When you went out with aunty loretta.
And she came to fetch venetia and ben from our house.
And you didnt come back with her. I asked her where you were
She said you were still down there in the pub.
So we waited after she left, dad and i.
Till 4am. You still didnt come home.
He went out to look for you. And when he came home,
he just walked into the room, slammed the door and cried.
I really didn't know what was happening.
I was really worried about you.
What happened to change you to be such a person?
I asked him what was happening.
He didn't tell me anything. He still loved you so much you know.
Then the next day. And the next. You didn't come home at all.
We went out to look for you. We went to downtown east, we searched pasirris but couldn't find you.
I called your phone again and again but you didn't answer it.
Then dad told me what happened.
That you kissed another guy in front of him. He punched the guy and he slapped you.
Bam. I swear that was the biggest shock of my life ever.
I really didnt know what to think or to feel when i heard that. I really really really didnt.
I wanted to laugh. It was so unbelievable. I didnt evil feel shocked at all.
I didnt feel anything surprisingly.
Then finally the next day, you came back home for your kidney and liver medicine, dressed in other clothes which that guy got for you,
you threw a fit in the room. Dad tried to make you stay,
he said he would forgive you. but what did you do?
You turned him away.
YOU FUCKING TURNED HIM AWAY. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU FOR THAT.
Then you just took some of your clothes. Came in my room and talked to me.
Thinking that i didn't know shit about that bastard.
I told you that i knew everything.
You just said that "No matter what, i will always love you. Rmb that okay."
LIES.
ALL OF YOUR FUCKING LIES. Then you just left.
Dad stopped eating.
He kept drinking.
He blasted all of "your" songs in the middle of the night
He fell asleep on the sofa and not on the bed.
He waited up for all your fucking calls throughout so many fucking nights.
And what were you doing?
You were out with that myanmar guy whom you just met for ONE fucking night.
YOU LEFT DAD,WHOM YOU WERE MARRIED TO FOR 18 YEARS FOR THAT BASTARD WHOM YOU KNEW FOR ONE DAY!
I hated you so bad.
And worse, i didnt know how to talk to dad.
I wasnt close to him ever since i was young.
We cant communicate well, and i hardly ever talkde to him before cos he was always at work.
You were the one that i always talked to.
The one i always spent my time at home with.
The one who was always there for me.
But you left just like that.
I had practically no one that i could trust to turn to.
Friends yes. BUT WHAT THE FUCK COULD THEY DO? THEY CAN ONLY BE A FUCKING LISTENING EAR.
I kept it to myself for a few days.
Then i told a friend.
But what could she do huh.
I couldnt stand it.
Dad told the whole fucking family. All the relatives.
Which resulted to uncles and aunts knocking at my door every fucking day.
I JUST WANTED TO BE FUCKING LEFT ALONE.
I didnt want all these fucking things to spread. I didnt want to talk to anyone.
I fucking backslided, I go out in the middle of the night, and started skipping school.
Then you took my keys away from me.
Fine.
Then the teachers came in and called. And dad told them.
WHY DID YOU TELL THEM. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM?!
It made me hate him so much.
So fucking much. He said he just wanted to help me and stuff,
but it resulted to teachers calling all the time.
And when i go to school they send me for counselling.
I DONT WANT IT. I FUCKING FELT LIKE A PRISONER WHOM YOU EFFING CONTROLLED!!!!
NO KEYS. WITH TEACHERS PRESSURIZING ME ASKING ME TO TALK TO THEM COS THEY WANT TO HELP.
SENDING ME FOR STUPID COUNSELLING WITH A COUNSELLOUR I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!
I HATE IT.
I HATED HIM SO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!
THEN YOU.
You come back home.
Hug me. Cry. Say you miss me and you would always love me
But thats another sweet nothing isn't it? Just another one of your stupid acts.
You act veery well. Dont think i dont know that.
Then you tell me "This is just life. These things just happen. My feelings for your father faded, thats what happened."
OH SO WOW.
SUDDENLY, ONE NIGHT YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE, YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM FADE AND OH WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE,
YOU MEET ANOTHER GUY STRAIGHTAWAY.
WHAT FUCKING BULLSHIT BITCH!
BULLSHIT.
AND THIS IS LIFE?!
FUCK THAT.
ITS ALL CRAP. ITS YOUR FAULT YOU KNOW IT! ITS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FAULT BITCH.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
AND I HAVE TO PLASTER FAKE SMILES ON MY FACES EVERYDAY.
DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD I WAS?!
HUH. DO YOU?
I SPENT MY BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR WITHOUT YOU.
YOU WERENT THERE WITH ME DURING MY BIRTHDAY.
ALL MY FRIEDNS, EVERYBODY HAD THEIR MUMS WITH THEM ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS.
THEY SPENT IT ALL WITH THEIR PARENTS AND FRIENDS TOO.
YOU DIDNTEVEN PHONE ME OR SMS ME. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I RIED?!
AND CHRISTMAS?
YOU DIDNT EVEN PHONE EITHER.
YOU DIDNT EVEN WISH ME A MERRY CHRISTMAS NOT EVEN AN SMS.
AND ALL AROUND ME, MY COUSINS AND EVERYONE WERE LAUGHING AND SMILING WITH THEIR FAMILIES.
I FUCKING HATE YOU. WHY DID YOU FUCKING LEAVE ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I HATE YOU.
I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO FUCKING BAD.
AND NEW YEAR. YOU DIDNT WISH ME EITHER.
YOU WERE TOO BUSY WITH THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.
AND WORSE, DAD BROUGHT HIS PHILLIPINO GIRLFRIEND TO THE HOUSE.
IT GOT ON MY NERVES EVEN MORE.
NEW YEAR, YOUR NOT WITH ME. AND HE BRINGS ANOTHER WOMAN HOME.
I FUCKING WNTED TO JUST JUMP OUT THE KITCHEN WINDOW.
I HATE THIS FEELING.
YOU THINK IM OVER IT? YOU THINK THAT IVE GOTTEN OVER IT?! I HAVE NEVER FUCKING GOTTEN OVE RIT.
AND THE WORSE THING IS YOU DENY IT. YOU THINK ITS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU BLAM,E YOUR FRIEND LORETTA FOR BRINGING YOU CLUBBING.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM BITCH. IT IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!
ADMIT IT ALREADY.
STOP DENYING ITAND STOP PUSHING THEBLAME ON YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD I WAS HAVING TO SPEND MY FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU?
YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE.
AND ALL THOSE LIES, "ILOVE YOU" "MUM WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" FUCK YOU!
FUCKYOU SERIOUSLY!
I HATEYOU.
AND NOW DAD, YOU GETTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT.
I WILL NEVER EVER FUCKING FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT.
I WILL NEVER FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE YOU TWO AS MY FUCKING PARENTS.
I REALLY CANT KEEP THIS INSIDE OF ME ANYMORE.
IFUCKING HATE YOU ALL.
Hi(:
I miss you,mum.
Haha how abrupt.
But its true?
I guess.
You know that night. When you went out with aunty loretta.
And she came to fetch venetia and ben from our house.
And you didnt come back with her. I asked her where you were
She said you were still down there in the pub.
So we waited after she left, dad and i.
Till 4am. You still didnt come home.
He went out to look for you. And when he came home,
he just walked into the room, slammed the door and cried.
I really didn't know what was happening.
I was really worried about you.
What happened to change you to be such a person?
I asked him what was happening.
He didn't tell me anything. He still loved you so much you know.
Then the next day. And the next. You didn't come home at all.
We went out to look for you. We went to downtown east, we searched pasirris but couldn't find you.
I called your phone again and again but you didn't answer it.
Then dad told me what happened.
That you kissed another guy in front of him. He punched the guy and he slapped you.
Bam. I swear that was the biggest shock of my life ever.
I really didnt know what to think or to feel when i heard that. I really really really didnt.
I wanted to laugh. It was so unbelievable. I didnt evil feel shocked at all.
I didnt feel anything surprisingly.
Then finally the next day, you came back home for your kidney and liver medicine, dressed in other clothes which that guy got for you,
you threw a fit in the room. Dad tried to make you stay,
he said he would forgive you. but what did you do?
You turned him away.
YOU FUCKING TURNED HIM AWAY. YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU FOR THAT.
Then you just took some of your clothes. Came in my room and talked to me.
Thinking that i didn't know shit about that bastard.
I told you that i knew everything.
You just said that "No matter what, i will always love you. Rmb that okay."
LIES.
ALL OF YOUR FUCKING LIES. Then you just left.
Dad stopped eating.
He kept drinking.
He blasted all of "your" songs in the middle of the night
He fell asleep on the sofa and not on the bed.
He waited up for all your fucking calls throughout so many fucking nights.
And what were you doing?
You were out with that myanmar guy whom you just met for ONE fucking night.
YOU LEFT DAD,WHOM YOU WERE MARRIED TO FOR 18 YEARS FOR THAT BASTARD WHOM YOU KNEW FOR ONE DAY!
I hated you so bad.
And worse, i didnt know how to talk to dad.
I wasnt close to him ever since i was young.
We cant communicate well, and i hardly ever talkde to him before cos he was always at work.
You were the one that i always talked to.
The one i always spent my time at home with.
The one who was always there for me.
But you left just like that.
I had practically no one that i could trust to turn to.
Friends yes. BUT WHAT THE FUCK COULD THEY DO? THEY CAN ONLY BE A FUCKING LISTENING EAR.
I kept it to myself for a few days.
Then i told a friend.
But what could she do huh.
I couldnt stand it.
Dad told the whole fucking family. All the relatives.
Which resulted to uncles and aunts knocking at my door every fucking day.
I JUST WANTED TO BE FUCKING LEFT ALONE.
I didnt want all these fucking things to spread. I didnt want to talk to anyone.
I fucking backslided, I go out in the middle of the night, and started skipping school.
Then you took my keys away from me.
Fine.
Then the teachers came in and called. And dad told them.
WHY DID YOU TELL THEM. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM?!
It made me hate him so much.
So fucking much. He said he just wanted to help me and stuff,
but it resulted to teachers calling all the time.
And when i go to school they send me for counselling.
I DONT WANT IT. I FUCKING FELT LIKE A PRISONER WHOM YOU EFFING CONTROLLED!!!!
NO KEYS. WITH TEACHERS PRESSURIZING ME ASKING ME TO TALK TO THEM COS THEY WANT TO HELP.
SENDING ME FOR STUPID COUNSELLING WITH A COUNSELLOUR I DONT FUCKING KNOW!!!!!!
I HATE IT.
I HATED HIM SO MUCH FOR THAT!!!!
THEN YOU.
You come back home.
Hug me. Cry. Say you miss me and you would always love me
But thats another sweet nothing isn't it? Just another one of your stupid acts.
You act veery well. Dont think i dont know that.
Then you tell me "This is just life. These things just happen. My feelings for your father faded, thats what happened."
OH SO WOW.
SUDDENLY, ONE NIGHT YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE, YOUR FEELINGS FOR HIM FADE AND OH WHAT A FUCKING COINCIDENCE,
YOU MEET ANOTHER GUY STRAIGHTAWAY.
WHAT FUCKING BULLSHIT BITCH!
BULLSHIT.
AND THIS IS LIFE?!
FUCK THAT.
ITS ALL CRAP. ITS YOUR FAULT YOU KNOW IT! ITS YOUR MOTHERFUCKING FAULT BITCH.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
I HATE YOU.
AND I HAVE TO PLASTER FAKE SMILES ON MY FACES EVERYDAY.
DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD I WAS?!
HUH. DO YOU?
I SPENT MY BIRTHDAY LAST YEAR WITHOUT YOU.
YOU WERENT THERE WITH ME DURING MY BIRTHDAY.
ALL MY FRIEDNS, EVERYBODY HAD THEIR MUMS WITH THEM ON THEIR BIRTHDAYS.
THEY SPENT IT ALL WITH THEIR PARENTS AND FRIENDS TOO.
YOU DIDNTEVEN PHONE ME OR SMS ME. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I RIED?!
AND CHRISTMAS?
YOU DIDNT EVEN PHONE EITHER.
YOU DIDNT EVEN WISH ME A MERRY CHRISTMAS NOT EVEN AN SMS.
AND ALL AROUND ME, MY COUSINS AND EVERYONE WERE LAUGHING AND SMILING WITH THEIR FAMILIES.
I FUCKING HATE YOU. WHY DID YOU FUCKING LEAVE ALL OF A SUDDEN.
I HATE YOU.
I WANT TO KILL MYSELF SO FUCKING BAD.
AND NEW YEAR. YOU DIDNT WISH ME EITHER.
YOU WERE TOO BUSY WITH THAT BOYFRIEND OF YOURS.
AND WORSE, DAD BROUGHT HIS PHILLIPINO GIRLFRIEND TO THE HOUSE.
IT GOT ON MY NERVES EVEN MORE.
NEW YEAR, YOUR NOT WITH ME. AND HE BRINGS ANOTHER WOMAN HOME.
I FUCKING WNTED TO JUST JUMP OUT THE KITCHEN WINDOW.
I HATE THIS FEELING.
YOU THINK IM OVER IT? YOU THINK THAT IVE GOTTEN OVER IT?! I HAVE NEVER FUCKING GOTTEN OVE RIT.
AND THE WORSE THING IS YOU DENY IT. YOU THINK ITS NOT YOUR FAULT AND YOU BLAM,E YOUR FRIEND LORETTA FOR BRINGING YOU CLUBBING.
WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM BITCH. IT IS YOUR FAULT!!!!!
ADMIT IT ALREADY.
STOP DENYING ITAND STOP PUSHING THEBLAME ON YOUR FRIEND!!!!!
DO YOU KNOW HOW SAD I WAS HAVING TO SPEND MY FIRST BIRTHDAY WITHOUT YOU?
YOU WERE ALWAYS THERE.
AND ALL THOSE LIES, "ILOVE YOU" "MUM WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU" FUCK YOU!
FUCKYOU SERIOUSLY!
I HATEYOU.
AND NOW DAD, YOU GETTING YOUR GIRLFRIEND PREGNANT.
I WILL NEVER EVER FUCKING FORGIVE YOU FOR THAT.
I WILL NEVER FUCKING ACKNOWLEDGE YOU TWO AS MY FUCKING PARENTS.
I REALLY CANT KEEP THIS INSIDE OF ME ANYMORE.
IFUCKING HATE YOU ALL.