(no subject)
Interesting article I found online . . . what do you think?
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar.
Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very
attracted to a particular woman.
At first, she was just another attractive woman...
but the more he got to know her, the more he began
to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent
with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep
emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger,
he also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt
the same way towards him.
Sometimes she would say things like "You are so
important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"...
but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship"
stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss
on the cheek from her... and once she even held his
hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional
issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling
in love". She was acting like a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that
amplified itself... and the more insecure he became,
the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by
kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time
she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over
this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion
that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would
feel the same way.
So he made a bold move.
He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he would
do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and
said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't
want to mess up our friendship... you're too important
to me...".
This only confused the man more.
He didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but
that she was afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term
relationship?
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that
she was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything on
the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like
this anymore... he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much
he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step,
bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long,
long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn't reply.
He called her three times a day for almost a week
before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, and said
"I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"...
and hung up...
...but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man tried desperately
to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not take
up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
And I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for a
great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A
story that resonates at a deep level because you can
IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for
most men?
Because we've all been there in one way or another...
at one time or another... and many of us have been
there OFTEN in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story
a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative
experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE
me.
They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity
to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation I think there is a
solution.
And it lies in understanding a secret that women
know but MEN DON'T.
And that secret comes down to the reality that
if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts
to confess his love, convince her to like him, and
court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they
actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a man does
to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like
him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotional dedication
actual cause the man feeling them to do things that
make her go away.
It sucks.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how
this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful
situation in your own future...
THE "INSTANT EWWW"
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans
don't always understand the message that we're communicating
to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate
a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand
what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that
has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself...
with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow
AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...?
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think
that car is communicating the message to women that
he thinks it is"...?
Yea, I have too.
Well here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know how you
feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's
going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call
the "Instant Ewww".
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical
and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start
behaving differently.
In short, she'll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant
Ewww"?
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word
"Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that
was "confessing his love"... of course, these were
guys that weren't loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man who
was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her
a gift or telling her how he feels?
Because if you think about it from HER perspective,
you'll realize that the moment a you do something
to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in
the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel.
She already knew you wanted her.
She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and talking
about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION
that is VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to
women. And it does repel them.
In summary...
You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how
she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...
Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted
to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates
the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll
NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in life
because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're
doing it because they don't have an understanding
of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them,
and you want to make them like you more... and you
do some nice thing for them, they will probably like
you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic
way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do
something nice for her because you want HER to like
you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only
NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself
from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate when
they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary
process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself
with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going
to BACKFIRE.
If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you
like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants
to be around you again...
------------------------------- Cynical...but surprisingly true. It's by a named "David DeAngelo"
I'd like to tell you a story...
It's a story that you might find strangely familiar.
Don't be alarmed.
Once upon a time, there was a man who was very
attracted to a particular woman.
At first, she was just another attractive woman...
but the more he got to know her, the more he began
to feel attracted to her... and the more time he spent
with her, the more that attraction grew into a deep
emotional attachment and affection for her.
But there was one problem.
As his emotional attachment grew stronger and stronger,
he also grew more and more insecure.
Why?
Because he couldn't tell whether or not she felt
the same way towards him.
Sometimes she would say things like "You are so
important to me" and "I'm glad that you're in my life"...
but nothing ever progressed past the "friendship"
stage.
There was an occasional hug, an occasional kiss
on the cheek from her... and once she even held his
hand for a long time while he talked about an emotional
issue.
But something was wrong with the picture.
She just wasn't acting like a woman that was "falling
in love". She was acting like a friend.
The insecurity that he felt became a spiral that
amplified itself... and the more insecure he became,
the more afraid he grew of "screwing things up" by
kissing her or asking her to be his girlfriend.
Plus, the more insecure he became, the less time
she seemed to want to spend with him.
After spending many days and nights obsessing over
this girl, the man finally arrived at the conclusion
that if she only knew how HE FELT, that she would
feel the same way.
So he made a bold move.
He TOLD HER how he was felt.
He confessed that he was in love, and that he would
do anything to be with her.
She looked at him with compassion in her eyes and
said "Thank you... I really mean that... but I don't
want to mess up our friendship... you're too important
to me...".
This only confused the man more.
He didn't know how to take it...
Did it mean that she really loved him too, but
that she was afraid of something?
Did it mean that she wasn't ready for a long-term
relationship?
Did it mean that she didn't love him, but that
she was trying to give him a hint?
Did it mean that he hadn't tried hard enough?
Did it mean that he needed to put everything on
the line and REALLY let her know how he felt?
He finally decided that he couldn't go on like
this anymore... he had to be with her.
He had to make sure that she knew just how much
he wanted to be with her... so he took a big step,
bought her a symbolic gift, and wrote her a long,
long letter... again confessing his feelings.
And then the unthinkable happened.
She didn't reply.
He called her three times a day for almost a week
before reaching her.
She made an excuse about being very busy, and said
"I'll try to give you a call soon, I have to go"...
and hung up...
...but he never got a call back.
Over the following months, the man tried desperately
to understand what went wrong... and what happened.
THE END
OK, I'm back.
Now, wasn't that a sweet story?
Heart warming, huh?
I know, I should keep my day job, and not take
up writing romance novels...
Now, let's talk about that story.
That story is basically a MYTH.
And I'm not talking about FICTION here.
I'm talking about a story that rings true for a
great majority of men. A story that is timeless. A
story that resonates at a deep level because you can
IDENTIFY with it.
And why does this particular story resonate for
most men?
Because we've all been there in one way or another...
at one time or another... and many of us have been
there OFTEN in our lives.
Another thing that gives this particular story
a lot of power is the powerful negative emotions
that it stirs... as a result of the powerful negative
experiences that it reminds us of...
Stories and situations like this one really FASCINATE
me.
They fascinate me because I see them as an opportunity
to UNDERSTAND and SOLVE the puzzles that they represent.
In this particular situation I think there is a
solution.
And it lies in understanding a secret that women
know but MEN DON'T.
And that secret comes down to the reality that
if a woman isn't ATTRACTED to a man, all of his attempts
to confess his love, convince her to like him, and
court her BACKFIRE.
In other words, they not only DON'T WORK, they
actually make things WORSE.
In other words, the very things that a man does
to try to make a woman LIKE HIM make her NOT like
him. They make her run.
All those great intentions and emotional dedication
actual cause the man feeling them to do things that
make her go away.
It sucks.
And I hope that by explaining the process of how
this happens to you I'll help you avoid this painful
situation in your own future...
THE "INSTANT EWWW"
I'm always fascinated by the idea that we humans
don't always understand the message that we're communicating
to others...
So often we think that because we WANT to communicate
a message that others are going to NATURALLY understand
what we're trying to say.
Have you ever seen a guy in a foreign car that
has wheels on it that cost more than the car itself...
with his stereo blasting... and a muffler that somehow
AMPLIFIES the raw sound of the 4-cylinder motor...?
Have you ever thought to yourself "I don't think
that car is communicating the message to women that
he thinks it is"...?
Yea, I have too.
Well here's the deal:
If you do something to "let a woman know how you
feel"... but she isn't ATTRACTED to you, then it's
going to backfire.
It's going to trigger a feeling that like to call
the "Instant Ewww".
The Instant Ewww is just as powerful as the physical
and emotional response of ATTRACTION.
Once a woman feels it, YOU'RE DONE.
It's over.
It's like hammering a RAILROAD SPIKE into the coffin.
Once a woman feels the Instant Ewww, she will start
behaving differently.
In short, she'll disappear.
So where did I get the concept of the "Instant
Ewww"?
I got it from WOMEN.
I have actually heard SEVERAL women use the word
"Ewww" when describing how they felt about a guy that
was "confessing his love"... of course, these were
guys that weren't loved in return.
So what causes the Instant Ewww?
And why would a woman feel it towards a man who
was trying to be nice... a guy who was giving her
a gift or telling her how he feels?
Because if you think about it from HER perspective,
you'll realize that the moment a you do something
to "confess", you have created a TURNING POINT in
the relationship.
Up until that point, you were harmless.
I mean, women always know how men feel.
She already knew you wanted her.
She knew it from the beginning.
But now that you've started pursuing her and talking
about how you feel, you've created a NEGATIVE TENSION
that is VERY uncomfortable.
You've triggered an emotion that is repulsive to
women. And it does repel them.
In summary...
You can't "make a woman like you" or "change how
she feels about you" by doing nice things for her...
Doing "nice" things for a woman who isn't attracted
to you HURTS you. It backfires. Worse, it creates
the "Instant Ewww" feeling that makes it so she'll
NEVER like you.
Men make this mistake over and over again in life
because they're doing what MAKES SENSE to them. They're
doing it because they don't have an understanding
of ATTRACTION.
I mean, If you have a friend, and you like them,
and you want to make them like you more... and you
do some nice thing for them, they will probably like
you more.
On the other hand...
If you have a woman that you "like" in a romantic
way, and she doesn't "feel it" for you, and you do
something nice for her because you want HER to like
you more, it will BACKFIRE... and she will not only
NOT like you more, she will most likely distance herself
from you.
Guys think that they need to communicate when
they like a woman... as if that's part of the necessary
process of getting a girl.
In their minds, it goes like this:
Like her>Tell her you like her>She likes you
Well remember... if you follow this pattern yourself
with women who aren't ATTRACTED to you, then it's going
to BACKFIRE.
If she's not into you, then it goes like THIS:
She thinks of you as a friend>You tell her you
like her>She gets the "Instant Ewwws" and never wants
to be around you again...
------------------------------- Cynical...but surprisingly true. It's by a named "David DeAngelo"