cupid got me in a choke hold
So I haven't taken my medicine in days.
I think I need to not miss it because I am being ridiculous.
I spent the night with Trent lastnight and woke up around 3 with the worst anxiety. I don't know if it's because I am starting to let myself feel again but I am getting really insecure. Maybe its just the fact that I haven't taken my meds and I am taking estrogen. Either way I don't like how this is turning out.
I don't even know how I feel anymore.I mean I love him so much and I want things to work out in the end but I don't know if I should put myself into this situation again.
My heart was already broken before if it happens again I don't know if I will ever fully recover.
I like how things are between us right now and then again I don't.
Its an on/off feeling. I don't like it.
Here I am just rambling about shit again. I don't even make sense anymore. Or did I ever?
I tell myself that things are ok and I need to stop looking so far into things but the things he says and the things he's been doing are so different. I just wonder if he will continue to be sweet and kind if we get back together. Wait, I don't even know if we will get back together.
I mean what guy would want to commit to a girl who lets him have his cake and eat it too.
NO commitment just sex and dating. No need to take it to the next step, even though we have been down that road before.
What makes me think that it's going to be any different than before. I mean let's be honest. It didn't work out so well the first time why should things be any better than they were?
I hate arguing with myself about this. I love him. I hate that I love him but I love that I love him. I never thought I could be so indecisive about a situation but love changes people. It has surely changed me.
What am I supposed to do now?
I think I need to not miss it because I am being ridiculous.
I spent the night with Trent lastnight and woke up around 3 with the worst anxiety. I don't know if it's because I am starting to let myself feel again but I am getting really insecure. Maybe its just the fact that I haven't taken my meds and I am taking estrogen. Either way I don't like how this is turning out.
I don't even know how I feel anymore.I mean I love him so much and I want things to work out in the end but I don't know if I should put myself into this situation again.
My heart was already broken before if it happens again I don't know if I will ever fully recover.
I like how things are between us right now and then again I don't.
Its an on/off feeling. I don't like it.
Here I am just rambling about shit again. I don't even make sense anymore. Or did I ever?
I tell myself that things are ok and I need to stop looking so far into things but the things he says and the things he's been doing are so different. I just wonder if he will continue to be sweet and kind if we get back together. Wait, I don't even know if we will get back together.
I mean what guy would want to commit to a girl who lets him have his cake and eat it too.
NO commitment just sex and dating. No need to take it to the next step, even though we have been down that road before.
What makes me think that it's going to be any different than before. I mean let's be honest. It didn't work out so well the first time why should things be any better than they were?
I hate arguing with myself about this. I love him. I hate that I love him but I love that I love him. I never thought I could be so indecisive about a situation but love changes people. It has surely changed me.
What am I supposed to do now?