(no subject)
In the past 15 months, pretty much everything about my life has changed. At first, I was really bummed about it. People started forgetting about me, or through my actions gave up on any kind of interaction with me. With the exception of two people that I can think of, my attachment to my "home base" has been completely cut. Whereas I used to have someone to hang out with for pretty much every conceivable situation, my friendship base has been whittled down to one person, plus my parents.
And yet...
Somehow, it seems as though everything is just beginning. And as huge of a disaster as this past year has felt for me, for some reason, I can't shake the feeling that when all is said and done, everything that has occurred really doesn't matter in the scheme of things. The past month has been the best one of my life, and for some reason or another, I can't help but feel like it's only going to get better from here.
And it will.
I haven't updated for a long time. Since I'm fairly certain that nobody checks xanga anymore, I figure I don't really owe an explanation for my actions, or my disappearance. I've had to discover some things for myself. Not necessarily for myself, I suppose, mostly about myself. And what I've decided is this: I am not nearly as terrible person as I've made myself out to be over the years. I'm not nearly as uninteresting, bland, ugly, or awkward. In fact, I'm a pretty awesome guy, and I'm glad that I'm able to realize it.
I'm just sorry that I had to alienate every single person I knew in order to discover it.
Not that it matters much. The majority of those bridges that have been burned were pathways to people that [when it really comes down to it] wouldn't really like me if they truly knew me, anyway. When all is said and done, they would have made themselves scarce, regardless.
And for that, I'm much better off.
I'm a much better person now than I was a year ago. I've learned to be less selfish, more compassionate, and am making strides to become a better person every day. I only have to improve by one percent a day. Just one percent.
So, if I haven't kept in contact as faithfully as I should, I apologize. But it's really helped me find myself. Cheesy as that sounds, it's really true. Last August, I wasn't at all sure who I was. Now, I feel that I have a good grasp.
Thanks to everyone who has stuck by me physically, in close proximity or afar. Thanks to everyone who has stuck my me spiritually, both living and deceased. I'm fully realizing exactly what you've been telling me all along: For that, I will always be grateful.
P.
And yet...
Somehow, it seems as though everything is just beginning. And as huge of a disaster as this past year has felt for me, for some reason, I can't shake the feeling that when all is said and done, everything that has occurred really doesn't matter in the scheme of things. The past month has been the best one of my life, and for some reason or another, I can't help but feel like it's only going to get better from here.
And it will.
I haven't updated for a long time. Since I'm fairly certain that nobody checks xanga anymore, I figure I don't really owe an explanation for my actions, or my disappearance. I've had to discover some things for myself. Not necessarily for myself, I suppose, mostly about myself. And what I've decided is this: I am not nearly as terrible person as I've made myself out to be over the years. I'm not nearly as uninteresting, bland, ugly, or awkward. In fact, I'm a pretty awesome guy, and I'm glad that I'm able to realize it.
I'm just sorry that I had to alienate every single person I knew in order to discover it.
Not that it matters much. The majority of those bridges that have been burned were pathways to people that [when it really comes down to it] wouldn't really like me if they truly knew me, anyway. When all is said and done, they would have made themselves scarce, regardless.
And for that, I'm much better off.
I'm a much better person now than I was a year ago. I've learned to be less selfish, more compassionate, and am making strides to become a better person every day. I only have to improve by one percent a day. Just one percent.
So, if I haven't kept in contact as faithfully as I should, I apologize. But it's really helped me find myself. Cheesy as that sounds, it's really true. Last August, I wasn't at all sure who I was. Now, I feel that I have a good grasp.
Thanks to everyone who has stuck by me physically, in close proximity or afar. Thanks to everyone who has stuck my me spiritually, both living and deceased. I'm fully realizing exactly what you've been telling me all along: For that, I will always be grateful.
P.