[England reads along, more than a little confused but getting the general sentiment of what Karkat is typing. It's all rather sweet and touching, as well as sad, and she tears up a bit. Oh, this poor child.
She should say something to comfort him, just as soon as she finishes reading the whole post-]
HE'S MOLTING ALL OVER MY FUCKING FLOOR. HE LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE THE COLD WEATHER JUST SMACKED HIM REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE SO NOW HIS HUSK IS FLAKING AND I HAVE TO SWEEP IT UP.
I WOULD QUESTION WHY BUT I GUESS EVERYONE HAS TO HAVE SOMEBODY. EXCEPT ERIDAN.
I DON'T THINK HE'S REALLY GOING ANYWHERE AND EVEN IF IT IS, I'LL TIE HIM UP TO AN EXPOSED PIPE SO HE CAN'T ESCAPE. ONLY FOR THE HOLIDAYS WILL I PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT INTO PRESERVING THE LIFE AND LIMBS OF IDIOTS I CAN BARELY STAND. YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS MY LAST-MINUTE PRESENT TO YOU.
[ No he just doesn't believe that France has friends. ]
I WAS TEMPTED TO DO SO, BUT I WAS UNSURE WHETHER OR NOT NEGLIGENCE AND INDIFFERENCE TO LIFE WERE A PART OF THE HUMAN "CHRISTMAS" TRADITION SO I DECIDED TO TAKE A RISK AND TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE. IF THEY ARE, I CAN GLADLY BOOT HIM BACK OUTSIDE.
Well, normally people aren't so stupid to go wondering around and get frostbite. [In... Winter... Whatever, it's probably France's fault anyway.] I'm very sorry for the trouble, dear, he causes it wherever he goes.
IT'S FINE. I WASN'T REALLY DOING ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY DAY. MAY AS WELL ATTEND TO THIS HAUGHTY MESS OF A CREATURE. I'M JUST BAFFLED AT HOW SMUG AND SUPERIOR HE ALWAYS ACTS AND THEN HE GOES AND DOES SOMETHING SO FANTASTICALLY STUPID BY ANYONE'S STANDARDS. I CAN'T TELL WHETHER I'M IMPRESSED HE'S SURVIVED THIS LONG WITH THIS LEVEL OF SHEER IDIOCY OR IF I'M DISMAYED THAT HUMAN HISTORY MANAGED TO PRODUCE A DURABLE DUMBASS TO REPRESENT THE COLLECTIVE THOUGHT. IF THERE ARE FRENCH HUMANS, I PITY THEM AND HOPE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM GETS PUNCHED IN THEIR RESPECTIVE GENITALIA. IT WILL BE THEIR WAKE-UP CALL TO STOP SUCKING.
[Oh Lord, new favourite person on the planet hello]
There are an unfortunate number of French humans and they're all incredibly pitiful, at least the few who aren't as insufferably proud and immature as their nation. The frog is a complete mess, can't go a decade without collapsing in on herself, yet she loves to act as if she's so superior when everyone knows how pathetic she is! It's infuriating! Every time I see her smug face I want to punch it in! [Wait, weren't they talking about Francis... Oh well...] I have no clue how either of them have survived this long!
WHAT A DEPRESSING EXISTENCE IT MUST BE TO BE FRENCH. IF THERE IS NO OPTION FOR ESCAPE THEY SHOULD REFORM THEIR WAYS OR RISK BEING INSUFFERABLE DOUCHE BAGS FOR ETERNITY. THE SAD PART IS, IF THEY'RE ANYTHING LIKE HIM, THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT TERRIBLE EXAMPLES OF HUMANITY THEY ARE.
...I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU JUST SWITCHED PRONOUNS BUT I HAVE A MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION. WHY DO YOU CALL HIM A FROG?
[ since frogs are universes in Homestuck he is having trouble wrapping his mind around the comparison... ]
WHAT THE FUCK WHY. DOESN'T HE EVEN KNOW WHAT FROGS SIGNIFY OH MY GOD I HAVE NO PROPER RESPONSE BEYOND WHAT THE FUCK THAT SICK FREAK. WHATEVER RESPECT I HELD FOR HIS ROMANTIC INTEREST IS NOW BEING BURNED AWAY BY THIS REVELATION.
She should say something to comfort him, just as soon as she finishes reading the whole post-]
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France is what?
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HE LITERALLY LOOKS LIKE THE COLD WEATHER JUST SMACKED HIM REPEATEDLY IN THE FACE
SO NOW HIS HUSK IS FLAKING AND I HAVE TO SWEEP IT UP.
YOU HIS MATESPRIT?
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He's not molting, the idiot must have gotten frostbite. I'll be there soon.
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EXCEPT ERIDAN.
I DON'T THINK HE'S REALLY GOING ANYWHERE AND EVEN IF IT IS, I'LL TIE HIM UP TO AN EXPOSED PIPE SO HE CAN'T ESCAPE.
ONLY FOR THE HOLIDAYS WILL I PUT THIS MUCH EFFORT INTO PRESERVING THE LIFE AND LIMBS OF IDIOTS I CAN BARELY STAND.
YOU CAN CONSIDER THIS MY LAST-MINUTE PRESENT TO YOU.
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You can do that anyway, if you like. It would have been a better gift if you'd left him in the snow to freeze to death, dear.
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I WAS TEMPTED TO DO SO, BUT I WAS UNSURE WHETHER OR NOT NEGLIGENCE AND INDIFFERENCE TO LIFE WERE A PART OF THE HUMAN "CHRISTMAS" TRADITION
SO I DECIDED TO TAKE A RISK AND TRY TO BE CULTURALLY SENSITIVE.
IF THEY ARE, I CAN GLADLY BOOT HIM BACK OUTSIDE.
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I WASN'T REALLY DOING ANYTHING ELSE WITH MY DAY.
MAY AS WELL ATTEND TO THIS HAUGHTY MESS OF A CREATURE.
I'M JUST BAFFLED AT HOW SMUG AND SUPERIOR HE ALWAYS ACTS
AND THEN HE GOES AND DOES SOMETHING SO FANTASTICALLY STUPID BY ANYONE'S STANDARDS.
I CAN'T TELL WHETHER I'M IMPRESSED HE'S SURVIVED THIS LONG WITH THIS LEVEL OF SHEER IDIOCY
OR IF I'M DISMAYED THAT HUMAN HISTORY MANAGED TO PRODUCE A DURABLE DUMBASS TO REPRESENT THE COLLECTIVE THOUGHT.
IF THERE ARE FRENCH HUMANS, I PITY THEM AND HOPE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM GETS PUNCHED IN THEIR RESPECTIVE GENITALIA.
IT WILL BE THEIR WAKE-UP CALL TO STOP SUCKING.
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There are an unfortunate number of French humans and they're all incredibly pitiful, at least the few who aren't as insufferably proud and immature as their nation. The frog is a complete mess, can't go a decade without collapsing in on herself, yet she loves to act as if she's so superior when everyone knows how pathetic she is! It's infuriating! Every time I see her smug face I want to punch it in! [Wait, weren't they talking about Francis... Oh well...] I have no clue how either of them have survived this long!
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IF THERE IS NO OPTION FOR ESCAPE THEY SHOULD REFORM THEIR WAYS OR RISK BEING INSUFFERABLE DOUCHE BAGS FOR ETERNITY.
THE SAD PART IS, IF THEY'RE ANYTHING LIKE HIM, THEY DON'T EVEN REALIZE WHAT TERRIBLE EXAMPLES OF HUMANITY THEY ARE.
...I'M NOT SURE WHY YOU JUST SWITCHED PRONOUNS BUT I HAVE A MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION.
WHY DO YOU CALL HIM A FROG?
[ since frogs are universes in Homestuck he is having trouble wrapping his mind around the comparison... ]
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Because he eats them.
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WHAT THE FUCK WHY.
DOESN'T HE EVEN KNOW WHAT FROGS SIGNIFY
OH MY GOD
I HAVE NO PROPER RESPONSE BEYOND WHAT THE FUCK
THAT SICK FREAK.
WHATEVER RESPECT I HELD FOR HIS ROMANTIC INTEREST IS NOW BEING BURNED AWAY BY THIS REVELATION.
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Yes, I know, it's disgusting. He's utterly mad.
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