( text; ) Karkat: Ride the bear to the top of the hole and acquire a Vriska

[yourgoddamnit]

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW posted to board DISCEDOCITY --

LET ME TELL YOU THE TALE OF MY WOES, DISCEDO

Comments

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[asideglance]

If Karkat is coming over, please knock first.

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[yourgoddamnit]

IF JAPAN CONTINUES TO ADDRESS ME IN THIRD PERSON
I MIGHT HAVE TO SLAP HIM.

I'M ASSUMING YOU'RE NO LONGER A WRIGGLER?

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[asideglance]

That is simply how I address others...

...Correct. I have returned to normal age.

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[yourgoddamnit]

YOU ARE TALKING DIRECTLY TO ME.
CALLING ME KARKAT JUST SOUNDS PRETENTIOUS AND/OR RETARDED.
LIKE AN INHERENTLY STUPID ELITIST.
LIKE IF EQUIUS RECEIVED EVEN MORE BRAIN DAMAGE.

THANK JEGUS. IF YOU STAYED A WRIGGLER I MIGHT HAVE JUST
JUMPED OUT THE WINDOW OR SOMETHING.
WHICH IS PRETTY INEFFECTIVE CONSIDERING I LIVE ON THE GROUND LEVEL.
I WOULD HAVE HAD TO HAVE PUT A LARGE SPIKE RIGHT OUTSIDE THE WINDOW FIRST.

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[asideglance]

I am suddenly reminded how quiet it was for the short moment Karkat was missing.

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[yourgoddamnit]

WHAT A COMFORT IT IS TO SEE THAT YOU TURNED INTO AN SMUG, RAGING ASSHOLE IN MY ABSENCE.
WELL, EVEN MORE SO THAN YOU ALREADY WERE.
AN ABSENCE, I WILL REMIND YOU, THAT COULD HAVE MEANT I HAD BECOME A VIOLATED CORPSE IN A DITCH,
NOTHING MORE THAN A FUCKED-TO-DEATH PILE OF BURNING HUSK.
KEEP CLIMBING THE ECHELADDER OF DOUCHERY AND SOON YOU'LL REACH THE TOP RUNG.
YOU CAN DO IT, JAPAN.
I HAVE FAITH IN YOUR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BITCHINESS.

ANYWAY
DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH DOUCHEBAG DENMARK?

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[asideglance]

I will keep that in mind.

As far as I am aware, there is a huge misunderstanding about Denmark-san's intentions, and your friends are rather dramatic about it. I am doing my best to avoid it.

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[yourgoddamnit]

OF COURSE IT'S DRAMATIC.
I LEFT THEM ALONE WITH FUCKING ERI POTTER.
EVEN IF HE'S A DRAMA QUEEN, THOUGH,
THAT DOESN'T MEAN HE'S INCORRECT.
AND AT THIS POINT I DON'T EVEN CARE IF HE IS.
THAT BLOND NUBNUTS PISSES ME OFF TO UNFATHOMABLE DEGREES.

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[asideglance]

At this point, I am not sure if there is anyone who does not anger you in such a way.

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[yourgoddamnit]

YOU DON'T PISS ME OFF *THAT* MUCH.
...AND THE DOCTOR DOUCHEBAG IS TOLERABLE ENOUGH.
AS IS NAMINE WITH A ` MOST OF THE TIME.

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[asideglance]

[oh what is this troll form deredere...]

How shocking...

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[yourgoddamnit]

IT ACTUALLY KIND OF IS.
USUALLY THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DON'T MAKE ME WANT TO PUNCH ANYTHING AT ALL ARE THE ONES IN THE MOVIES.
LIKE
WATCHING A TROLL ADAM SANDLER MOVIE JUST PUTS THE EMPTY SPACE WHERE MY SOUL WOULD BE TO PEACE.

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[asideglance]

[suddenly Karkat is turning endearing...]

Is that so?

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[yourgoddamnit]

[ he is always endearing... in his own angry, depressing little way. THE DOCTOR APPARENTLY IS CHAMP AT REVEALING THIS. ]

YEAH.
I HAVE A POSTER OF HIM NOW.
EVERY TIME I THINK I'M ABOUT TO SNAP
AND TAKE MY SICKLE TO ONE OF THE BLITHERING PILES OF FILTH I LIVE WITH
I AT THE POSTER AND SUDDENLY THE URGE TO KILL THE SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING IS QUIETED FOR THE MOMENT.

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[asideglance]

How nice! ...But a Doctor-san, you said?

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[yourgoddamnit]

THE DOCTOR DOUCHEBAG.
HE SAID MY ANGER IS RIGHTEOUS.
THERE WAS SOME EXTENDED METAPHOR IN OUR CONVERSATION
AND I HAVE THE VAGUE SENSE THAT HE SYMPATHIZES WITH ME.
THAT SHOULD MAKE ME EVEN ANGRIER
BUT IT HAS YET TO DO SO.
IT'S SIMMERING BELOW THE SURFACE, OBVIOUSLY
WAITING TO COME TO A BOIL.