( text ) Karkat: Introduce self to the welcoming masses

Jan 10, 2011 22:52

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board FUCKASS CITY

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asideglance January 11 2011, 06:51:49 UTC
That was rather difficult to read through...

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yourgoddamnit January 11 2011, 07:01:15 UTC
CG: OH I'M SORRY LET ME FUCKING CAPITULATE TO YOUR DELICATE SENSES AT THE EXPENSE OF MY WHOLE GODDAMN BEING.
CG: WHAT SHALL I CHANGE ABOUT MYSELF FOR YOU TODAY?
CG: WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO PICK THE PROPER COLOR OF MY BLOOD AND FLAUNT IT ABOUT LIKE SOME FLAMBOYANT MENTAL CASE?
CG: OR MAYBE I SHOULD JUST SAW OFF MY FUCKING HORNS, DECLARE MYSELF HUMAN, AND MARATHON EVERY GODDAMN MOVIE JOHN EVER SPEWED FORTH
CG: WHILE HOARDES OF ORANGE CREAMSICLES CRAWL THEIR WAY DOWN MY PROTEIN CHUTE UNTIL I AM A BLOATED BLUBBERBEAST WALLOWING IN ITS OWN FILTH.

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asideglance January 11 2011, 16:50:15 UTC
What a fascinating form of speech... Are you Western, perhaps?

In any case, I apologize for the delay. I am quite old so reading it took some time.

This city is called Discedo. It is on a planet with two moons called Fortuna. It seems that the group of people known as "Scientists" have brought us here for some unknown reason. ...Also, there is a chip implanted to prevent any sort of abilities.

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yourgoddamnit January 11 2011, 21:30:19 UTC
CG: I'M FROM ALTERNIA.
CG: WHICH ALSO HAD TWO MOONS
CG: BUT IT WASN'T A PILE OF BROKEN GAUDY ARCHITECTURE
CG: AT LEAST MY HIVE WASN'T IN A CAVE OR TREE OR ANYTHING
CG: IT WAS PRACTICAL.
CG: FUCK ME I'M REMINISCING LIKE SOME WEEPY WRIGGLER.
CG: ANYWAY
CG: I HAVEN'T HEARD OF THE FORTUNA BUMFUCK NOWHERE WORLD
CG: I'M NOT SURE IF THAT WARRANTS RELIEF OR PANIC.
CG: MOSTLY CONFUSION AND RAGE AS PER THE NORM.
CG: WHAT'S WITH THIS CHIP THING PEOPLE KEEP MENTIONING?

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asideglance January 11 2011, 23:26:35 UTC
There is nothing wrong with reminiscing...

But.. The chip, in simple terms, turns you virtually human.

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yourgoddamnit January 12 2011, 06:11:15 UTC
CG: YEAH WELL YOU'RE NOT MY THERAPIST
CG: WAIT
CG: HUMAN???
CG: WHAT.
CG: OH GOD NO.
CG: I DON'T WANT TO BE A HUMAN.
CG: PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE JOKING.

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asideglance January 12 2011, 06:12:02 UTC
...Basically. Any non-human abilities are restrained.

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yourgoddamnit January 12 2011, 06:19:16 UTC
CG: DEFINE NON-HUMAN ABILITIES.
CG: PLEASE DON'T TELL ME I'LL TURN INTO A NAIVE WRIGGLER OR AN EVEN MORE INSUFFERABLE PRICK THAN I ALREADY AM.

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asideglance January 12 2011, 06:35:30 UTC
Ah... what?

I simply mean that if you had more strength than a human, it has decreased. Other things, as well... F-for example, if you could shoot fire, you no longer can..

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yourgoddamnit January 12 2011, 06:47:42 UTC
CG: AND IF I WASN'T FREAKISHLY STRONG, PSYCHIC, OR COULD TASTE COLORS BY LICKING A SCREEN
CG: WHAT WOULD THAT DO TO ME?

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asideglance January 12 2011, 06:59:32 UTC
I suppose.. if there is no special strength or ability, then you must be the same.

Aside from the chip being inside of you, that is.

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yourgoddamnit January 12 2011, 07:03:25 UTC
CG: TAKE IT OUT.

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asideglance January 12 2011, 07:04:06 UTC
It is impossible to do so unless you are a doctor. Ah... and the location changes, I believe...

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yourgoddamnit January 12 2011, 07:07:24 UTC
CG: DOCTOR?
CG: LIKE A MEDICAL FACILITATOR?
CG: LIKE SOMEONE ELSE WHO WILL CUT ME OPEN?
CG: NO FUCK THAT.
CG: I'LL DO IT MYSELF.
CG: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE.
CG: GIVE ME AN APPROXIMATE LOCATION.

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asideglance January 13 2011, 01:05:00 UTC
That is far too dangerous! It is quite small, you realize.

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yourgoddamnit January 13 2011, 02:05:12 UTC
CG: BLUH BLUH DANGER
CG: LOOK, YOU. IT'S GOTTEN TO THE POINT WHERE STABBING IS PRACTICALLY A FUCKING GREETING TO ME
CG: REMOVING A MICROCHIP DOESN'T REQUIRE THE USE OF A CHAINSAW
CG: I HAVE SHARP IMPLEMENTS
CG: I DON'T SEE WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.

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