Herro all!
So this is the first time I've logged onto livejournal in a really, really long time. But I'm here! Mostly because I'm cleaning out my googledocs and have a few things I want to get rid of in googledocs, but think might make me laugh to look at someday. So here are a few really, really old ficlets/unfinished things that will probably never be finished, but might make somebody smile. And probably future!me will be amused.
These were all written sometime in 2010
Title of Google Doc: PYRATES!
Pairing: Gabe/William
It should be noted that this is written at the top of the document:
"I'd swab your poop deck any day."
SEAGULL BUSINESS
Now the story:
"William Beckett, I have an idea," Gabe announces. It's sometime past midnight, and really, no one pays attention to Gabe's ideas past midnight. In fact, most people don't pay attention to them before midnight either, but whatever.
William Beckett lets Gabe talk about his plan, but falls asleep some time after, "Pete could get us the ship, probably," and before, "I would be the captain, and I guess that'd make you my wench."
---
Three months later, William's phone rings. Caller ID says it's 'Alex', but he's not really sure which one. He answers anyway, only to be greeted by a raised voice.
"William Beckett," The Alex starts, "Your boyfriend organizes a pirate expedition and no one bothers to tell me? I expect you to keep me up to date on this type of shenanigan. You, good sir, have failed me." William opens his mouth to protest, maybe even to ask what pirate expedition? but doesn't get a chance, as the angry caller starts talking again almost immediately. "Tell Gabriel that this means war," he says, and William swears he can hear seagulls in the background of the call. "Your pirate crew is no match for us."
And with that, the line goes dead, leaving one very, very confused William alone to wonder what the fuck was that about?
William, however, isn't given much time to wonder, because a few minutes later his phone starts ringing again. This time it's Pete, and there's really only one Pete, so already this conversation should be less confusing. "William Beckett, we must keep the Panic boys safe," Pete says. "And by 'we' I mean you. Tell Gabe your crew must set sail immediately." And really, what the fuck? No one talks like that. "Happy pirating," Pete finishes, and hangs up without so much as an 'adios'.
Ten minutes after the Pete call, and only three minutes after William has stopped wondering how he gets dragged into things like this (you're friends with Gabe Saporta, he tells himself, that's why), Gabe marches through the apartment door and into the kitchen. "William Beckett, I hate the Alexes," he huffs. Apparently saying hello is no longer an option, and 'William Beckett' can't be shortened to 'Bill' or even just plain old 'William'.
William looks up from where his eyes had been fixed on the floor. "I'm good, thanks, how are you?" he asks dryly. Gabe takes no note of his boyfriend's annoyance and instead carries on, waving a piece of paper around over his head.
"I hate them, and I hate their stupid pirate crew," Gabe states, putting the piece of paper in front of William for him to read.
Captain Saporta: it reads, and already William doesn't like it. Anything that starts with 'Captain Saporta' can't be good.
We've kidnapped your keytarist.
If you don't get her soon, one of the Alexes might force her to walk the plank.
I'm not sure if we actually have a plank, but I think it's the thought that counts.
So hurry up and get her.
- Coxswain Morris
PS- Greta chose your crew, but if you so much as mess up her eyebrows I will see to it that you walk the proverbial plank.
PPS- We have the Panic boys, too. I think Pete will want them back.
William puts the paper down on the table, then turns to Gabe. "What does Coxswain mean, anyway?"
"It's the person who steers the ship and like... yells at the crew. But William! That's not important right now!" Gabe yells, waving his arms over his head. "William, they took my keytarist! It's not fair!"
"All's fair in love and piracy," William says, because really, how many people get to say that and mean it?
Gabe puts his hands on his hips, narrows his eyes, and glares at the other man. "William Beckett, sometimes I wonder why I keep you around."
William rolls his eyes. "What did you want me to say? 'Lets go get on your pirate ship with the crew and chase after the Alexes'?"
Gabe grabs his hands and pulls him up from his spot on the couch. "William Beckett," he says, dragging his friend out the door behind him, "That is exactly what I wanted you to say." And before William has time to protest too much, he is being shoved into the passenger seat of Gabe's car and being driven away from their apartment.
---
"Gabe," William complains, dragging out the 'a' sound and pouting at his boyfriend. "I am not dressing like a pirate. Couldn't we do this Greenpeace style? I don't think Greenpeace pirates dress like Johnny Depp."
Gabe chooses to ignore William's cries, and just says, "You think I could run a brothel on this ship? Like, a mid-sea pirate brothel. Lonely sailors could come by. And when we get the Panic boys, Brendon would probably volunteer his body. Or he'd be horrified and refuse and then I'd get in trouble with Ryan..." he pauses. "Maybe a brothel is a bad idea." William rests a hand on his hip and glares at the Captain, pursing his lips. Gabe, who remembers what happened last time he got that look from William (he hadn't gotten laid for a month, and the whole time William took every chance he could to wander around at least half naked), thinks that now is probably a good time to start paying attention to his wench. "Don't worry, Bilvy," he whispers, wrapping his fingers around the other's wrists and pulling them closer together. "I won't make you dress up like Johnny Depp." William is a somewhat relieved, momentarily forgetting his anger at having been taken aboard a pirate ship. "Anyway," Gabe whispers, pressing their lips together. "I think you'd make a much better Kira Nightley."
"Well if you're Johnny Depp," William growls, and Gabe's kind of surprised he hasn't been smacked yet, "Then I feed you to the kraken and have children with Orlando."
Someone laughs from behind the steering wheel. "Wait, do I get to be Orlando?" Travie asks. Gabe and his wench both turn to stare at him. "What? I just think our babies would be cute."
Title in Google Docs: MUSTACHES!
Pairing: Gabe/William, as per usual.
Okay so this one. This fic, which will almost definitely never be finished goes like this:
Paul Newman (yes, that Paul Newman) was the mustache fairy. But he died (this was started shortly after his death), and he left his mustache-fairy-ing powers to Maja Ivarsson, which was a pretty big surprise to our favourite Swede, because she did not know Paul Newman. And due to this fact she was not trained in the ways of the mustache fairy. So she gets her powers, and she can't control them, and suddenly there are inappropriately placed mustaches EVERYWHERE. Well, by 'inappropriately placed' I mean 'placed on people who did not have mustaches or otherwise could not grow mustaches". Such as William, Ryan and Victoria. Shenanigans ensue, Maja must learn both to control her new powers, and whence they came. Here is the drabble I had written:
It's five twenty-seven in the morning, the sun hasn't come up yet, and something is tickling William Beckett's nose. He scratches in the general area of the tickling, grunts, flips over in his bunk, and falls back asleep.
***
Six and a half hours later, at the crack of noon, William stumbles out of bed to grab a poptart and trek over the the Cobra bus, which is way too far away. Seriously, no one wants to walk over fifteen steps in the heat of Warped Tour, and Cobra's bus has to be at least thirty steps away.
Only twelve steps into his journey, he hears, "Hey, hey William," to his left, and places the voice as Brendon Urie's. "William, get over here," he demands. William turns slowly, walking towards Brendon, who is perched in Ryan's lap, and adding another seven steps to his trip to see Cobra Starship and whoever else is on their bus. When he gets closer, the singer holds out a dandelion crown, matching the one on Ryan's head. William, still half asleep, looks at the crown, then looks back at Brendon. Then at the crown, then at Ryan, then the crown, then Brendon, then Ryan, and did Ryan grow a mustache over night, because it definitely wasn't there yesterday. Brendon brandishes the crown in William's direction impatiently. The taller of the two just stands still, contemplating the possibility of someone growing a mustache over night.
"Well, put it on," Brendon instructs, when Bill finally stops staring at the guitarists' facial hair and reaches out for the crown.
Ryan says, "He's making me wear one, too. Just do it."
When it's on, Brendon lets out a joyful hoot, followed by, "There's the effeminate William I know and love!" And seriously, Panic has been smoking too much, and William is too half-asleep for that to have made any sense at all, so he just turns around and continues onto the Cobra bus.
And some fic recs, all bandom (elsewhere I have some SGA recs but I don't know where that is)
Fic Recs:
Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency - Frank/Gerard
Author's Summary: Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister rituals.
My comments: Completely and utterly fabulous. I actually listened to it as podfic because I'm a total dorkface and I would actually recommend that, too, because the girl reading is great at reading aloud (also, she does this scream early on and it's mega funny)
Fic Thing-Thing - Frank/Gerard
Summary/Comments: HIGHSCHOOL AU!
"It's fucking Frank, you fucking douche!"
"Oh!" Mikey's expression clears, and he starts fiddling with the lock. "It's Frank," Mikey tells Gerard, like Gerard doesn't have ears. Gerard's the one who noticed Frank the talking locker, for fuck's sake.
When Gerard points this out, Mikey rolls his eyes. "No, there's this guy I know in the locker," Mikey tells Gerard.
a fic by bexless - Frank/Gerard
WHEREIN RAY CAN HEAR PEOPLE'S SEX DREAMS!
And I Drew a Heart on Your Window (With My Blood) - Jon/Spencer, + some others
Author's Summary: “I miss Panic, man,” Jon admits. “It’s like you’ve got this new thing now, and I don’t really have anything to do. I think I was happier when I was in the band.” He takes a deep breath. “So look, is it okay if I go back? If I rejoin Spencer and Brendon?”
Comments: Post-break up, and amusing. But really, all you need to know about this is the following quote:
Jon is bored. He finds his bass and starts playing Sins, singing along quietly. He wishes Brendon was there to sing it. Spencer to drum it. Ryan to... deliver babies during it.
It's possible that a third semi-completed ficlet will get added, but only time will tell. Enjoy!
ETA: Here is the final thing. Becky and I started this ages ago, and it's realistically never going to go father, but many lols were had.
Title in Google Docs: GLOWSTIX!
Pairing: Guess.
First, a song. To be sung to the tune of "After the Last Midtown Show"
There is cotton candy on the streets,
roasted peanuts and some funnel cake.
You drag me on the ferris wheel,
I cringe in fear, you dance your dance all night.
(Such fear, let me out!)
I hope before the night is through,
one fumbled touch will finally hit the spot.
You've got everything glowing for you,
so I'll glow for you with every stick I've got.
Such fear, the best date of my life.
Is this the Swinging Ship or the Slide?
Either way, I think I'll die.
Either way, I think I'll die.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but did a bolt just come loose?
When I write this song and sing for you,
you write one too, though it is not yours.
When my phone is ringing off the hook,
from my trees, you keep a watchful eye.
Such fear, the best date of my life.
Is this the Swinging Ship or the Slide?
Either way, I think I'll die.
Either way, I think I'll die.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but did a bolt just fall?
When we met, I was on my back.
I swear I spilt most of my coffee just like that.
We were part of something weird and weird alone,
I wanted to go home. You stole my notebook, damn.
When we met, I was on my back.
I swear I spilt most of my coffee just like that.
We were part of something weird and weird alone,
I wanted to go home. You stole my notebook, damn,
You stole my notebook, damn, you stole my notebook, damn
No fear, no doubts.
Gabe sings along to the sounds his shoes make against the pavement. William hums along to the sound of his own misery. William thinks God hates him, but Gabe always objects because, hello, he is God. William believes Shakespeare would actually like his emo poems. Gabe doesn't believe in Shakespeare. William keeps Gabe grounded, making sure he doesn't fly away like the hot air balloonist he swears he'll become, and in return, Gabe makes sure William holds his head high (though his heart is heavy) and promises to take him out on his hot air balloon one day. William thinks Gabe has a beautiful aura around him, but Gabe says that it's probably just the glowsticks he runs around with at night. William reads Hemingway. Gabe is jealous of Harold's purple crayon. William's the type of guy who would cry over spilt milk. Gabe's the type of guy who would spill his own milk to make William feel better.
And that's exactly how they met.
---
William finishes comparing life to a wilted flower, and closes his notebook. He orders one last coffee (black, though not as black as his heart) and heads out the door. He's just about to take a sip when a glowing ball of insanity knocks him on his back. The coffee spills all over his clothing, not that anyone would notice, given all his clothes are black. He quickly checks his notebook and lets out a sigh of relief when he finds that it is stain free.
However, ouch.
He looks up at the Glowing Man, and holy shit, he really is glowing. He's wearing hot pink glowstick glasses, multi-coloured glowstick necklaces and bracelets, and has a green glowstick hooked to each belt loop, and in each hand. He says, "Oh shit."
William looks up at Glowing Man through watery eyes, and takes the moment to compare his inevitable tears to the ocean. Oh shit, indeed. The man looks like he's going to help William up, but then just turns and runs, one last, "Oh shit," leaving his lips.
Instead of getting up right away, William decides to wallow in his sorrow for a few minutes. It figures this would happen to him. If not even Glowing Man could spare him a hand, what chance does he have in the world? He finds himself wondering, where have all the good men gone? and curses Bonnie Tyler for coming up with that song before he could.
Faster than William could write a haiku, Glowing Man rushes back towards him, this time with a cup in his hand. They make eye contact for a split second, before the man throws himself backwards onto the concrete, landing right next to William. His drink spills all over both of them, and much to William's horror, his notebook.
Glowing Man beams at him (William takes note of his glowstick grills) and says, "I'm Gabe."
"You ruined my notebook."
"Yeah, but... I'm Gabe."
"Gabe, you ruined my notebook," William pouts. "I had some legit stuff in there. Those would be considered my early works and now they've got stains on them. Like... like my heart. Ooh, that's good. I'll write that down later."
"When you've got a new notebook?" Gabe asks, reaching next to William to pick up the notebook. He holds it up, trying not to laugh as the coffee he bought, solely to spill, drips onto the pavement.
"I hate you."
"I think this is the start of something beautiful..." Gabe trails off, opening the notebook to the first page and finding an incredibly emo poem, accompanied by the boy's signature. "William."
"Like Shakespeare," William deadpans, snatching his notebook back from Gabe. "And you can't read those."
"My inability to read has never stopped me before," Gabe retorts with a smirk, grabbing the notebook back and taking off down the street. William sits for a moment before it clicks, and oh, oh Gabe just took off with his notebook. He leaps up and chases after Gabe, following the glowing blob up ahead.
"Gabe!" William calls, running as fast as his skinny legs will let him. "Gabe, I need that!"
"But it's ruined!" Gabe yells back, easily outrunning William. He stops in the center of town, in front of the big oak tree, and starts climbing.
"No," William whispers, hands pulling at his hair. "No, no, not the tree," he mutters to himself. "Not the tree!" he screams at Gabe, who's already half way up.
"What's your last name?" Gabe screams down. William stares in horror as the glowing ball of Gabe moves higher into the branches, too fast for William's mind to comprehend when he doesn't have his notebook. His notebook. "I'll consider giving this back to you if you tell me your last name!" he taunts.
William considers putting up a fight, but just sighs in defeat and calls, "Beckett!" up to the tree. Ugh, he is talking to a tree. A glowing man in a tree.
"William Beckett!" Gabe shouts, and William can practically hear the smirk in his voice. "William Beckett, why are you wearing a barrette?!" Gabe is laughing now, and William only half hopes he doesn't fall out of the damn tree.
"Just give me my notebook!" he whines.
"Just give me your number!" Gabe whines back.
"Are you mocking me?!"
"No, I'm hitting on you!"
"...Oh."
Gabe falls out of the tree, lands on William and asks, "What's your number?"
"You broke my back," William whimpers, rolling Gabe off him.
"And you're breaking my heart, William Beckett. Just give me your number and we can all go home."
They make a trade: William gets his notebook, Gabe gets William's number on the back of a poem comparing love to the blade of a knife. He sticks the poem under his pillow before he goes to sleep.
---
That night, as William crawls under his covers, he notices a message waiting for him on his phone. He sets the phone on his night stand, presses the speaker button, and Gabe's voice immediately fills the room.
"Goodnight, William Beckett. Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, stars. Goodnight, sky. Goodnight, apartment. Goodnight, William Beckett's living quarters. Goodnight, glowsticks. Goodnight, tree I fell out of..."
William falls asleep some time after Goodnight, Russia.
---
"William Beckett, why are you not returning my phone calls?"
William's listening to his messages. Two in three are from Gabe.
"William Beckett, I don't think you love me. Is it because I made fun of your barrette? It was really a very nice barrette, William Beckett. A very nice barrette. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm going to take you out, you're going to wear your barrette, and I'm going to tell you how good you look in it. If we happen to fall in love, marry, and have tall, attractive children, so be it! I cannot control the future, William Beckett, I cannot! But you can, so call me back, damn it!"
The phone beeps, signifying the end of the message, then it clicks, a new one starting.
"Fine, William Beckett. If you're not going to call me back, I'm going to stalk you. See you soon!"
Beep.
---
If William's phone had a hook, it would be ringing off of it. He still doesn't know Gabe's last name, so he has the contact listed as "Glowing Fucker." He changed the ringtone, oh so appropriately, to that kids song, the One That Gets on Everybody's Nerves.
When it rings for the ninth time in a row, he gives in.
"Fine, I will go out with you!"
"...William?" his mother greets him. "You made friends?" She can't keep the excitement from her voice.
"Sorry, mom, I thought you were someone else," he mumbles, flipping his phone closed.
It is then that he hears a loud cough, followed by a happy, "William Beckett, I am so glad you finally see things my way." William turns to see Gabe a few tables back, a smirk on his face. "See you Sunday night, baby," Gabe says, swaggering over to William's table. He leans towards William, flicks his tongue across William's ear, and whispers, "You are so gonna get laid."
---
If William's being honest, he hasn't gotten laid since junior year of high school. Now a sophomore in college, the idea of Gabe above him, sweaty, eyes closed, screaming his name, is more than just a turn on.
However, when Gabe pulls up in front of a carnival, all those thoughts William had begrudgingly allowed himself to think disappear. The Ferris Wheel.
"Gabe," William warns when Gabe opens the car door for him, "I'm not going on the Ferris Wheel. Nor am I going on the Swinging Ship, or any roller coasters, or anything that flips upside down. I don't want to die, are you trying to kill me by bringing me here?"
Gabe takes William's hand, helps him out of the car and says, "Don't worry, we'll take it real slow." When William raises his eyebrows, Gabe just smirks and pulls him towards the entrance.
As it turns out, Gabe's idea of slow is William's idea of way above the speed limit. They start out on the swings, and true, they're not that bad, but William was thinking more along the lines of a merry-go-round.
"Gabe," William whispers as the ride attendant goes around checking everyone's seat restraints. "Gabe, don't read too far into this, but please hold my hand." Gabe doesn't even question it, just laces his fingers tightly with William's and smiles to the seat in front of him as the ride takes off.
It isn't so bad at first, the initial few loops keep them low to the ground and relatively straight. But after thirty seconds or so, they're higher and faster and titled at an angle and the ride attendant is yelling up to them. Something about hands inside the swing at all times.
William shoots a death glare at Gabe and growls, "Don't you dare let go." Gabe will later say he couldn't hear William over the sound of the wind whooshing in his ears, and he just smirks before he pulls his fingers from William's iron grasp, and goes shooting out to the left.
William's first thought when he sees Gabe go flying is, Holy shit! followed by, Oh my God! and then he ends on a lighter note with, No dick tonight. But Gabe is laughing, or at least it looks like that. He could be choking. ...Or crying. Or both, but most likely that's just William.
These were all written sometime in 2010
Title of Google Doc: PYRATES!
Pairing: Gabe/William
It should be noted that this is written at the top of the document:
"I'd swab your poop deck any day."
SEAGULL BUSINESS
Now the story:
"William Beckett, I have an idea," Gabe announces. It's sometime past midnight, and really, no one pays attention to Gabe's ideas past midnight. In fact, most people don't pay attention to them before midnight either, but whatever.
William Beckett lets Gabe talk about his plan, but falls asleep some time after, "Pete could get us the ship, probably," and before, "I would be the captain, and I guess that'd make you my wench."
---
Three months later, William's phone rings. Caller ID says it's 'Alex', but he's not really sure which one. He answers anyway, only to be greeted by a raised voice.
"William Beckett," The Alex starts, "Your boyfriend organizes a pirate expedition and no one bothers to tell me? I expect you to keep me up to date on this type of shenanigan. You, good sir, have failed me." William opens his mouth to protest, maybe even to ask what pirate expedition? but doesn't get a chance, as the angry caller starts talking again almost immediately. "Tell Gabriel that this means war," he says, and William swears he can hear seagulls in the background of the call. "Your pirate crew is no match for us."
And with that, the line goes dead, leaving one very, very confused William alone to wonder what the fuck was that about?
William, however, isn't given much time to wonder, because a few minutes later his phone starts ringing again. This time it's Pete, and there's really only one Pete, so already this conversation should be less confusing. "William Beckett, we must keep the Panic boys safe," Pete says. "And by 'we' I mean you. Tell Gabe your crew must set sail immediately." And really, what the fuck? No one talks like that. "Happy pirating," Pete finishes, and hangs up without so much as an 'adios'.
Ten minutes after the Pete call, and only three minutes after William has stopped wondering how he gets dragged into things like this (you're friends with Gabe Saporta, he tells himself, that's why), Gabe marches through the apartment door and into the kitchen. "William Beckett, I hate the Alexes," he huffs. Apparently saying hello is no longer an option, and 'William Beckett' can't be shortened to 'Bill' or even just plain old 'William'.
William looks up from where his eyes had been fixed on the floor. "I'm good, thanks, how are you?" he asks dryly. Gabe takes no note of his boyfriend's annoyance and instead carries on, waving a piece of paper around over his head.
"I hate them, and I hate their stupid pirate crew," Gabe states, putting the piece of paper in front of William for him to read.
Captain Saporta: it reads, and already William doesn't like it. Anything that starts with 'Captain Saporta' can't be good.
We've kidnapped your keytarist.
If you don't get her soon, one of the Alexes might force her to walk the plank.
I'm not sure if we actually have a plank, but I think it's the thought that counts.
So hurry up and get her.
- Coxswain Morris
PS- Greta chose your crew, but if you so much as mess up her eyebrows I will see to it that you walk the proverbial plank.
PPS- We have the Panic boys, too. I think Pete will want them back.
William puts the paper down on the table, then turns to Gabe. "What does Coxswain mean, anyway?"
"It's the person who steers the ship and like... yells at the crew. But William! That's not important right now!" Gabe yells, waving his arms over his head. "William, they took my keytarist! It's not fair!"
"All's fair in love and piracy," William says, because really, how many people get to say that and mean it?
Gabe puts his hands on his hips, narrows his eyes, and glares at the other man. "William Beckett, sometimes I wonder why I keep you around."
William rolls his eyes. "What did you want me to say? 'Lets go get on your pirate ship with the crew and chase after the Alexes'?"
Gabe grabs his hands and pulls him up from his spot on the couch. "William Beckett," he says, dragging his friend out the door behind him, "That is exactly what I wanted you to say." And before William has time to protest too much, he is being shoved into the passenger seat of Gabe's car and being driven away from their apartment.
---
"Gabe," William complains, dragging out the 'a' sound and pouting at his boyfriend. "I am not dressing like a pirate. Couldn't we do this Greenpeace style? I don't think Greenpeace pirates dress like Johnny Depp."
Gabe chooses to ignore William's cries, and just says, "You think I could run a brothel on this ship? Like, a mid-sea pirate brothel. Lonely sailors could come by. And when we get the Panic boys, Brendon would probably volunteer his body. Or he'd be horrified and refuse and then I'd get in trouble with Ryan..." he pauses. "Maybe a brothel is a bad idea." William rests a hand on his hip and glares at the Captain, pursing his lips. Gabe, who remembers what happened last time he got that look from William (he hadn't gotten laid for a month, and the whole time William took every chance he could to wander around at least half naked), thinks that now is probably a good time to start paying attention to his wench. "Don't worry, Bilvy," he whispers, wrapping his fingers around the other's wrists and pulling them closer together. "I won't make you dress up like Johnny Depp." William is a somewhat relieved, momentarily forgetting his anger at having been taken aboard a pirate ship. "Anyway," Gabe whispers, pressing their lips together. "I think you'd make a much better Kira Nightley."
"Well if you're Johnny Depp," William growls, and Gabe's kind of surprised he hasn't been smacked yet, "Then I feed you to the kraken and have children with Orlando."
Someone laughs from behind the steering wheel. "Wait, do I get to be Orlando?" Travie asks. Gabe and his wench both turn to stare at him. "What? I just think our babies would be cute."
Title in Google Docs: MUSTACHES!
Pairing: Gabe/William, as per usual.
Okay so this one. This fic, which will almost definitely never be finished goes like this:
Paul Newman (yes, that Paul Newman) was the mustache fairy. But he died (this was started shortly after his death), and he left his mustache-fairy-ing powers to Maja Ivarsson, which was a pretty big surprise to our favourite Swede, because she did not know Paul Newman. And due to this fact she was not trained in the ways of the mustache fairy. So she gets her powers, and she can't control them, and suddenly there are inappropriately placed mustaches EVERYWHERE. Well, by 'inappropriately placed' I mean 'placed on people who did not have mustaches or otherwise could not grow mustaches". Such as William, Ryan and Victoria. Shenanigans ensue, Maja must learn both to control her new powers, and whence they came. Here is the drabble I had written:
It's five twenty-seven in the morning, the sun hasn't come up yet, and something is tickling William Beckett's nose. He scratches in the general area of the tickling, grunts, flips over in his bunk, and falls back asleep.
***
Six and a half hours later, at the crack of noon, William stumbles out of bed to grab a poptart and trek over the the Cobra bus, which is way too far away. Seriously, no one wants to walk over fifteen steps in the heat of Warped Tour, and Cobra's bus has to be at least thirty steps away.
Only twelve steps into his journey, he hears, "Hey, hey William," to his left, and places the voice as Brendon Urie's. "William, get over here," he demands. William turns slowly, walking towards Brendon, who is perched in Ryan's lap, and adding another seven steps to his trip to see Cobra Starship and whoever else is on their bus. When he gets closer, the singer holds out a dandelion crown, matching the one on Ryan's head. William, still half asleep, looks at the crown, then looks back at Brendon. Then at the crown, then at Ryan, then the crown, then Brendon, then Ryan, and did Ryan grow a mustache over night, because it definitely wasn't there yesterday. Brendon brandishes the crown in William's direction impatiently. The taller of the two just stands still, contemplating the possibility of someone growing a mustache over night.
"Well, put it on," Brendon instructs, when Bill finally stops staring at the guitarists' facial hair and reaches out for the crown.
Ryan says, "He's making me wear one, too. Just do it."
When it's on, Brendon lets out a joyful hoot, followed by, "There's the effeminate William I know and love!" And seriously, Panic has been smoking too much, and William is too half-asleep for that to have made any sense at all, so he just turns around and continues onto the Cobra bus.
And some fic recs, all bandom (elsewhere I have some SGA recs but I don't know where that is)
Fic Recs:
Gerard Way's (Vampire) Detective Agency - Frank/Gerard
Author's Summary: Pete, in Decaydance Mansion, with a yarrow stake. Frank and Gerard, in the greenhouse, with a plant of questionable origin. Bob, everywhere you look, with a gang of assassins for justice. Vampires, valets, pamphlets, haunted furniture, dub-thrall, disembodied voices, zombie couriers, and sinister rituals.
My comments: Completely and utterly fabulous. I actually listened to it as podfic because I'm a total dorkface and I would actually recommend that, too, because the girl reading is great at reading aloud (also, she does this scream early on and it's mega funny)
Fic Thing-Thing - Frank/Gerard
Summary/Comments: HIGHSCHOOL AU!
"It's fucking Frank, you fucking douche!"
"Oh!" Mikey's expression clears, and he starts fiddling with the lock. "It's Frank," Mikey tells Gerard, like Gerard doesn't have ears. Gerard's the one who noticed Frank the talking locker, for fuck's sake.
When Gerard points this out, Mikey rolls his eyes. "No, there's this guy I know in the locker," Mikey tells Gerard.
a fic by bexless - Frank/Gerard
WHEREIN RAY CAN HEAR PEOPLE'S SEX DREAMS!
And I Drew a Heart on Your Window (With My Blood) - Jon/Spencer, + some others
Author's Summary: “I miss Panic, man,” Jon admits. “It’s like you’ve got this new thing now, and I don’t really have anything to do. I think I was happier when I was in the band.” He takes a deep breath. “So look, is it okay if I go back? If I rejoin Spencer and Brendon?”
Comments: Post-break up, and amusing. But really, all you need to know about this is the following quote:
Jon is bored. He finds his bass and starts playing Sins, singing along quietly. He wishes Brendon was there to sing it. Spencer to drum it. Ryan to... deliver babies during it.
It's possible that a third semi-completed ficlet will get added, but only time will tell. Enjoy!
ETA: Here is the final thing. Becky and I started this ages ago, and it's realistically never going to go father, but many lols were had.
Title in Google Docs: GLOWSTIX!
Pairing: Guess.
First, a song. To be sung to the tune of "After the Last Midtown Show"
There is cotton candy on the streets,
roasted peanuts and some funnel cake.
You drag me on the ferris wheel,
I cringe in fear, you dance your dance all night.
(Such fear, let me out!)
I hope before the night is through,
one fumbled touch will finally hit the spot.
You've got everything glowing for you,
so I'll glow for you with every stick I've got.
Such fear, the best date of my life.
Is this the Swinging Ship or the Slide?
Either way, I think I'll die.
Either way, I think I'll die.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but did a bolt just come loose?
When I write this song and sing for you,
you write one too, though it is not yours.
When my phone is ringing off the hook,
from my trees, you keep a watchful eye.
Such fear, the best date of my life.
Is this the Swinging Ship or the Slide?
Either way, I think I'll die.
Either way, I think I'll die.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but did a bolt just fall?
When we met, I was on my back.
I swear I spilt most of my coffee just like that.
We were part of something weird and weird alone,
I wanted to go home. You stole my notebook, damn.
When we met, I was on my back.
I swear I spilt most of my coffee just like that.
We were part of something weird and weird alone,
I wanted to go home. You stole my notebook, damn,
You stole my notebook, damn, you stole my notebook, damn
No fear, no doubts.
Gabe sings along to the sounds his shoes make against the pavement. William hums along to the sound of his own misery. William thinks God hates him, but Gabe always objects because, hello, he is God. William believes Shakespeare would actually like his emo poems. Gabe doesn't believe in Shakespeare. William keeps Gabe grounded, making sure he doesn't fly away like the hot air balloonist he swears he'll become, and in return, Gabe makes sure William holds his head high (though his heart is heavy) and promises to take him out on his hot air balloon one day. William thinks Gabe has a beautiful aura around him, but Gabe says that it's probably just the glowsticks he runs around with at night. William reads Hemingway. Gabe is jealous of Harold's purple crayon. William's the type of guy who would cry over spilt milk. Gabe's the type of guy who would spill his own milk to make William feel better.
And that's exactly how they met.
---
William finishes comparing life to a wilted flower, and closes his notebook. He orders one last coffee (black, though not as black as his heart) and heads out the door. He's just about to take a sip when a glowing ball of insanity knocks him on his back. The coffee spills all over his clothing, not that anyone would notice, given all his clothes are black. He quickly checks his notebook and lets out a sigh of relief when he finds that it is stain free.
However, ouch.
He looks up at the Glowing Man, and holy shit, he really is glowing. He's wearing hot pink glowstick glasses, multi-coloured glowstick necklaces and bracelets, and has a green glowstick hooked to each belt loop, and in each hand. He says, "Oh shit."
William looks up at Glowing Man through watery eyes, and takes the moment to compare his inevitable tears to the ocean. Oh shit, indeed. The man looks like he's going to help William up, but then just turns and runs, one last, "Oh shit," leaving his lips.
Instead of getting up right away, William decides to wallow in his sorrow for a few minutes. It figures this would happen to him. If not even Glowing Man could spare him a hand, what chance does he have in the world? He finds himself wondering, where have all the good men gone? and curses Bonnie Tyler for coming up with that song before he could.
Faster than William could write a haiku, Glowing Man rushes back towards him, this time with a cup in his hand. They make eye contact for a split second, before the man throws himself backwards onto the concrete, landing right next to William. His drink spills all over both of them, and much to William's horror, his notebook.
Glowing Man beams at him (William takes note of his glowstick grills) and says, "I'm Gabe."
"You ruined my notebook."
"Yeah, but... I'm Gabe."
"Gabe, you ruined my notebook," William pouts. "I had some legit stuff in there. Those would be considered my early works and now they've got stains on them. Like... like my heart. Ooh, that's good. I'll write that down later."
"When you've got a new notebook?" Gabe asks, reaching next to William to pick up the notebook. He holds it up, trying not to laugh as the coffee he bought, solely to spill, drips onto the pavement.
"I hate you."
"I think this is the start of something beautiful..." Gabe trails off, opening the notebook to the first page and finding an incredibly emo poem, accompanied by the boy's signature. "William."
"Like Shakespeare," William deadpans, snatching his notebook back from Gabe. "And you can't read those."
"My inability to read has never stopped me before," Gabe retorts with a smirk, grabbing the notebook back and taking off down the street. William sits for a moment before it clicks, and oh, oh Gabe just took off with his notebook. He leaps up and chases after Gabe, following the glowing blob up ahead.
"Gabe!" William calls, running as fast as his skinny legs will let him. "Gabe, I need that!"
"But it's ruined!" Gabe yells back, easily outrunning William. He stops in the center of town, in front of the big oak tree, and starts climbing.
"No," William whispers, hands pulling at his hair. "No, no, not the tree," he mutters to himself. "Not the tree!" he screams at Gabe, who's already half way up.
"What's your last name?" Gabe screams down. William stares in horror as the glowing ball of Gabe moves higher into the branches, too fast for William's mind to comprehend when he doesn't have his notebook. His notebook. "I'll consider giving this back to you if you tell me your last name!" he taunts.
William considers putting up a fight, but just sighs in defeat and calls, "Beckett!" up to the tree. Ugh, he is talking to a tree. A glowing man in a tree.
"William Beckett!" Gabe shouts, and William can practically hear the smirk in his voice. "William Beckett, why are you wearing a barrette?!" Gabe is laughing now, and William only half hopes he doesn't fall out of the damn tree.
"Just give me my notebook!" he whines.
"Just give me your number!" Gabe whines back.
"Are you mocking me?!"
"No, I'm hitting on you!"
"...Oh."
Gabe falls out of the tree, lands on William and asks, "What's your number?"
"You broke my back," William whimpers, rolling Gabe off him.
"And you're breaking my heart, William Beckett. Just give me your number and we can all go home."
They make a trade: William gets his notebook, Gabe gets William's number on the back of a poem comparing love to the blade of a knife. He sticks the poem under his pillow before he goes to sleep.
---
That night, as William crawls under his covers, he notices a message waiting for him on his phone. He sets the phone on his night stand, presses the speaker button, and Gabe's voice immediately fills the room.
"Goodnight, William Beckett. Goodnight, moon. Goodnight, stars. Goodnight, sky. Goodnight, apartment. Goodnight, William Beckett's living quarters. Goodnight, glowsticks. Goodnight, tree I fell out of..."
William falls asleep some time after Goodnight, Russia.
---
"William Beckett, why are you not returning my phone calls?"
William's listening to his messages. Two in three are from Gabe.
"William Beckett, I don't think you love me. Is it because I made fun of your barrette? It was really a very nice barrette, William Beckett. A very nice barrette. So here's what's gonna happen. I'm going to take you out, you're going to wear your barrette, and I'm going to tell you how good you look in it. If we happen to fall in love, marry, and have tall, attractive children, so be it! I cannot control the future, William Beckett, I cannot! But you can, so call me back, damn it!"
The phone beeps, signifying the end of the message, then it clicks, a new one starting.
"Fine, William Beckett. If you're not going to call me back, I'm going to stalk you. See you soon!"
Beep.
---
If William's phone had a hook, it would be ringing off of it. He still doesn't know Gabe's last name, so he has the contact listed as "Glowing Fucker." He changed the ringtone, oh so appropriately, to that kids song, the One That Gets on Everybody's Nerves.
When it rings for the ninth time in a row, he gives in.
"Fine, I will go out with you!"
"...William?" his mother greets him. "You made friends?" She can't keep the excitement from her voice.
"Sorry, mom, I thought you were someone else," he mumbles, flipping his phone closed.
It is then that he hears a loud cough, followed by a happy, "William Beckett, I am so glad you finally see things my way." William turns to see Gabe a few tables back, a smirk on his face. "See you Sunday night, baby," Gabe says, swaggering over to William's table. He leans towards William, flicks his tongue across William's ear, and whispers, "You are so gonna get laid."
---
If William's being honest, he hasn't gotten laid since junior year of high school. Now a sophomore in college, the idea of Gabe above him, sweaty, eyes closed, screaming his name, is more than just a turn on.
However, when Gabe pulls up in front of a carnival, all those thoughts William had begrudgingly allowed himself to think disappear. The Ferris Wheel.
"Gabe," William warns when Gabe opens the car door for him, "I'm not going on the Ferris Wheel. Nor am I going on the Swinging Ship, or any roller coasters, or anything that flips upside down. I don't want to die, are you trying to kill me by bringing me here?"
Gabe takes William's hand, helps him out of the car and says, "Don't worry, we'll take it real slow." When William raises his eyebrows, Gabe just smirks and pulls him towards the entrance.
As it turns out, Gabe's idea of slow is William's idea of way above the speed limit. They start out on the swings, and true, they're not that bad, but William was thinking more along the lines of a merry-go-round.
"Gabe," William whispers as the ride attendant goes around checking everyone's seat restraints. "Gabe, don't read too far into this, but please hold my hand." Gabe doesn't even question it, just laces his fingers tightly with William's and smiles to the seat in front of him as the ride takes off.
It isn't so bad at first, the initial few loops keep them low to the ground and relatively straight. But after thirty seconds or so, they're higher and faster and titled at an angle and the ride attendant is yelling up to them. Something about hands inside the swing at all times.
William shoots a death glare at Gabe and growls, "Don't you dare let go." Gabe will later say he couldn't hear William over the sound of the wind whooshing in his ears, and he just smirks before he pulls his fingers from William's iron grasp, and goes shooting out to the left.
William's first thought when he sees Gabe go flying is, Holy shit! followed by, Oh my God! and then he ends on a lighter note with, No dick tonight. But Gabe is laughing, or at least it looks like that. He could be choking. ...Or crying. Or both, but most likely that's just William.