soba ni iru owari made hanasanai
Now that I’ve started using this thing, I’ve been more inclined to actually use it. There’s no promise that this little affair will last longer than a week but it’s another attempt without anyone asking me to do it. In all honesty, things have been a mixture of good and undecided as of late. I really don’t have anything to complain about so that’s why I can’t say that it’s been all that bad. School recently started back and to be honest with you, I actually feel a lot better about things whenever I have something to work towards academically. Does that mean that I’m going to try and pan out my college career to last longer than it usually would? Absolutely not but life does have a different flare whenever school is in session. I guess it makes hang out sessions with friends more meaningful along with playing video games. After getting past what has been called the suicide schedule of classes in my degree, things do feel a little off. There was so much pressure to excel in having graduation pushed back half a year if I failed a certain class. But I managed to get through it with a B, which is something that I am very proud of. I guess you can say I’m yearning to find my motivation for this semester. I’ll eventually get it, though. It’s only day three into the semester and I’m worried about motivation..hahaha.
Yesterday, I purchased a new video game and it’s a really nice escape to everything that has been going on. I’m a control freak in one way or another and to simply have control over a character means a lot to me. Moral issues come into play and whenever I have a choice in my video games, it really does matter. From about 3 pm to 3 am that night, I focused on the game and I’m still in the beginning phases. I think it really does overlap a lot of the other games that I’ve played this year outside of Heavy Rain. I think I’ll become heavily immersed in this game, too, but Heavy Rain will always be something that I hold close to my heart as far as gaming experiences go. Not to mention that I’m sitting in the LCR Lab listening to the soundtrack..
How about the top 3? In all honesty, I didn’t know that it prompted a bruise each time I brought it up but learning is half the battle, you know? I think that it’s only been made to mask things, really. I’m a odd man when it comes to feelings so jokes are made and that’s that. No matter how farfetched they are, it becomes a wall to stop from being so real about things. I’m learning to get better about it but seems to kiss ass, I’d much rather be remotely real without saying too much. That probably doesn’t make a lot of sense but it does to me in many ways. It’s been fun watching things develop over the past few weeks. Are things getting better, though? I honestly don’t know. I’m not fighting the current battle so I’m on the sidelines. I don’t regret a single thing and hopefully the inner struggle isn’t too overwhelming. Thanks to Sagat and his “A promise is a promise” line as well as Dance in the Vampire Bund, it’s obvious where my allegiance is. I don’t think anyone will read this so I don’t feel bad for being so confusing and disorganized~
Class is starting in 30 minutes and I’ve realized that I’ve bet to eat anything today. I really need to get my shit together~ Ah well, another two hours and thirty minutes from now, I can go home and eat chocolate cake with soda. I need to start eating real meals again or else I’ll end up like L. I guess that wouldn’t be too bad since my mom seems to think that I’m sad or depressed with the bored expression that I’ve been sporting now when I’m pretty happy. Off to class now~ I don’t want to be late.
yatto mitsuketa atarashii asa wa
tsuki hi ga jama o suru
mukau saki wa tsugi janakute
sugi bakari oikaketa
nari yama nai yosenai omoi detachi wa
yurushite kure sou ni mo nai
soro soro ka na tesaguri tsukareta hoho o
kattou ga kobore ochiru
ame wa itsuka yamu no deshou ka
zuibun nagai aida tsumetai
ame wa doushite boku o erabu no
tsutsumarete ii ka na
ame wa yamu koto o shirazu ni
kyou mo furi tsuzuku keredo
sotto sashi dashita kasa no naka de
nukumori ni yorisoi nagara