everything i once had
it's a little hard for me to understand this hurt and pain. why do i feel this way when i haven't seen him in over six months? maybe it's because i was/am soo in love with him for like four years. maybe it's because i had him physically many many times and when he finally reached the point to give me more, like his heart i had to say no for so many reasons. i regret not telling him how i feel. i regret letting myself get to this point. i regret not acting myself around him and always wanting more of him. now he is so completely in love with a girl that is way better than me ten times over and in so many different ways. and i'm happy for them both. i'm so glad that they found each other and are so perfect for one another. but then i look at people i would want to have, want to spend my life with and who seem completely perfect for me and realize that i'm not that person to them and never will be, and i ask myself when? when is it going to be my turn and when will i find him and he find me? i want to be with someone who has some substance to them and who isn't just trying to get by. he let's himself get by. i guess what i mean is laid back. i'm tired of going out with guys who try too hard and don't understand me yet pretend to be interested in the same things i am to seem like they understand me. i think that makes sense. well it soes to me and that's all that matters i suppose. anyway, i guess i'm going to have to try to let this go somehow. there's nothing else i can do. but how do you stop thinking about someone like him? he is so amazing. sigh. oh well.