(no subject)

[youreveningsky]

well im home. the weekend before i came home was pretty creppy in the dorms becasue only a few people were there. and i was in my new room all by myself. but im home now and im alive so its ok. christmas was nice and having no plans or schedule has been awesome. jake came home with me for a few days but hes gone now. ive done alot of catching up on sleep from finals week. today i was in the jacuzzi forever and it was soooo nice and im feeling reeeeally good. my sister wrecked my car. and some big black man told me i was beautiful in walmart. i think that was nice? or maybe creepy. not really sure. speaking of creppy i fell asleep last night with my tv on and had the crazyest dreams. it was on like unsolved mysteries or something. but yeah, everything is changed here. i dont know what to call home anymore. i know after this break i wont be back here for a long time since im working on campus in knoxville over the summer. its crazy running into people here who i havent seen in years. like at the mall i saw my best friend from 7th grade who my mom hated me hanging out with and i always got into trouble with. i didnt even recogize her at first. and she was pregnant and had a 2 year old. then i saw my ex boyfriends mom and his little sisters who are beautiful and growing up. and just seeing people like that brings back so many memories. good and bad. of how i thought i would be married right now. or how i never thought i could leave and go to college for ministry. or just i never expected to be where im at now. i love it at johnson. i love how God has pulled me out bad relationships and situations and brought me into the peoples lifes im part of now. the people ive gotten to know this last semester are just amazing and i love them so much. but at the same time i love all the crap Gods let me go through for me to get where i am now. it was hard and it still hurts to think of sometimes. and im still trying to have faith on my own. and not be a people pleaser. and not trying to always measure up to people. and not being on everyones good side. and be honest with who i am. and keeping things in the past. grace i think is the biggest thing ive learned this year. but im thanksful for new years. and new days. and just always being able to have a new start. ok sorry this was long. and i just read it and im so ADD when i write how i feel. ok, night.

and this is jake playing joseph and holding(killing) baby Jesus.