I am nothing of a builder
Hey, check out my friend Brian starring as a super-creepy dude in a video for a band called The Distance and their song "And If" by visiting the Bridge 9 Records website here. Nice lipstick.
In a matter of hours, I went from being pretty happy, having possible Valentine's Day plans, and a possible opportunity for a full-time job paying almost twice what I make now to being super upset, no V-Day plans, and no job opportunity. It's crazy how fast things around me can change, but how little I can change even with a good amount of effort. I try as hard as I can and I'm still not capable of the things that I need to be capable of. This has caused huge problems for me before, but I'm almost starting to think and realize that maybe I'm just not cut out to change those things. Is it possible that there are some things that are just so inborne in yourself and your personality that it's quite impossible to change? Might it be possible that I am most happy being around people who don't challenge that in me? Will that ever change? When? I just don't know these answers and now I might be left with nothing to show for the effort except maybe this possible newfound knowledge.
Knowing me, though, I'll have all these huge thoughts and then just realize that I'm being stupid the next day. I just don't see how things can get better.
Since I'm here, perhaps I should bitch about my job. Would you like that? My job sucks. It doesn't suck in the sense that it's unbearable, it sucks in the sense that it makes me appreciate my last job. I started to hate the job I was at toward the end of my time there, but that was just because of stupid company b.s. It wasn't the work or the people that made me hate it, and I'm starting to realize that more and more these days. I went from being one of the oldest employees in my department - and the store for that matter - to being the youngest in my department, and not far from the youngest in the store. I went from working someplace where people like Justin Timberlake, Kevin Bacon, Ben Affleck, and Jennifer Lopez shop, and where I have spoken to (I wouldn't say "meet") David Alan Grier and Mark "Crapshoot" McGrath to a store where I pander to the needs of soccer moms and senior citizens. I went from making crappy money to making slightly crappier money. I went from a job where I worked with good people, some of whom became some of my closest friends, to a job where I barely say ANYTHING to ANYONE about anything other than what I should be doing at work at that particular time. I know that I am seen as the "quiet kid" and that's pretty different from my last job.
Overall, it's not a super-difficult job. It's a lot of heavy lifting which I have yet to get used to again, but other than that it's pretty much just a series of mindless jobs. But I really just miss the companionship that I used to share with my former co-workers. Actually, back when I first started working at this job (back in 2000), it was a lot better. I used to enjoy talking to the people who worked there at the time. But they have all since left.
Basically, what sucks the most is that I don't have anyone at work to really talk to, then I come home to a place where I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm speachless, and I hate it.
Wah.
In a matter of hours, I went from being pretty happy, having possible Valentine's Day plans, and a possible opportunity for a full-time job paying almost twice what I make now to being super upset, no V-Day plans, and no job opportunity. It's crazy how fast things around me can change, but how little I can change even with a good amount of effort. I try as hard as I can and I'm still not capable of the things that I need to be capable of. This has caused huge problems for me before, but I'm almost starting to think and realize that maybe I'm just not cut out to change those things. Is it possible that there are some things that are just so inborne in yourself and your personality that it's quite impossible to change? Might it be possible that I am most happy being around people who don't challenge that in me? Will that ever change? When? I just don't know these answers and now I might be left with nothing to show for the effort except maybe this possible newfound knowledge.
Knowing me, though, I'll have all these huge thoughts and then just realize that I'm being stupid the next day. I just don't see how things can get better.
Since I'm here, perhaps I should bitch about my job. Would you like that? My job sucks. It doesn't suck in the sense that it's unbearable, it sucks in the sense that it makes me appreciate my last job. I started to hate the job I was at toward the end of my time there, but that was just because of stupid company b.s. It wasn't the work or the people that made me hate it, and I'm starting to realize that more and more these days. I went from being one of the oldest employees in my department - and the store for that matter - to being the youngest in my department, and not far from the youngest in the store. I went from working someplace where people like Justin Timberlake, Kevin Bacon, Ben Affleck, and Jennifer Lopez shop, and where I have spoken to (I wouldn't say "meet") David Alan Grier and Mark "Crapshoot" McGrath to a store where I pander to the needs of soccer moms and senior citizens. I went from making crappy money to making slightly crappier money. I went from a job where I worked with good people, some of whom became some of my closest friends, to a job where I barely say ANYTHING to ANYONE about anything other than what I should be doing at work at that particular time. I know that I am seen as the "quiet kid" and that's pretty different from my last job.
Overall, it's not a super-difficult job. It's a lot of heavy lifting which I have yet to get used to again, but other than that it's pretty much just a series of mindless jobs. But I really just miss the companionship that I used to share with my former co-workers. Actually, back when I first started working at this job (back in 2000), it was a lot better. I used to enjoy talking to the people who worked there at the time. But they have all since left.
Basically, what sucks the most is that I don't have anyone at work to really talk to, then I come home to a place where I don't really have anyone to talk to. I'm speachless, and I hate it.
Wah.