(no subject)
Happy New Year Everyone!
the new year was pretty good for me..i went to a small party where i wasnt uncomfortable with where i was and who i was with. which has been rare for me not to feel weird at parties since ive been out here. its like a black hole of the unknown of who these people really are. ive always known what kind of people i was around in south carolina. i knew everyone and not knowing anyone now is really uncomfortable....the ball dropped and i wish it was steven that would be my first kiss for the new year. but his friend matt kissed me on the cheek because steven was still taking a shot and chugging a beer. it hurt my feelings. i wish i could go this year just like last year and be able to say i brought in the new year with my boyfriend. but you have to choose your fights. ill get over it.
tonight i came home to matt coming inside from inviting the girls from upstairs to come down here to hang out. thank goodness they didnt come down. because i absolutely hate these girls. for more reasons past what they have done to me. but the kind of people they are. they are the girls that sleep around that wake me up at 4 in the morning playing techno or running in place as hard as they can just "so they can fuck with us". i dont associate with people that sleep around or dont respect people that...live below them.. i just cant respect someone that does that. i feel i cant talk to you or relate to you. ewww. i feel who you hang around with reflects you. you hang around people you can talk to or turn to for advice. and ugh. im dwelling on this. but i went to check my email to see if i got this new job i want. and i come back out to steven gone and upstairs...i give it im over reacting with knowing matt is upstairs hanging out with these girls but it was a slap to my face because i was saying earlier on the drive home after picking him up from work how happy i was to be with him. i also just finished not 5 minutes before explaining to my friends that were over here and to steven about how much i cant stand these girls. my friends left..i went to check my email. went outside to be with him and have a great evening and hes gone upstairs...its a slap in the face.
gah i seriously feel so wrong for how i feel. and i just dont know what to do with my feelings. i dont want to feel hurt. i dont want it to be a problem. but i cant help my feelings.
ugghhhh.
how was your new year?
the new year was pretty good for me..i went to a small party where i wasnt uncomfortable with where i was and who i was with. which has been rare for me not to feel weird at parties since ive been out here. its like a black hole of the unknown of who these people really are. ive always known what kind of people i was around in south carolina. i knew everyone and not knowing anyone now is really uncomfortable....the ball dropped and i wish it was steven that would be my first kiss for the new year. but his friend matt kissed me on the cheek because steven was still taking a shot and chugging a beer. it hurt my feelings. i wish i could go this year just like last year and be able to say i brought in the new year with my boyfriend. but you have to choose your fights. ill get over it.
tonight i came home to matt coming inside from inviting the girls from upstairs to come down here to hang out. thank goodness they didnt come down. because i absolutely hate these girls. for more reasons past what they have done to me. but the kind of people they are. they are the girls that sleep around that wake me up at 4 in the morning playing techno or running in place as hard as they can just "so they can fuck with us". i dont associate with people that sleep around or dont respect people that...live below them.. i just cant respect someone that does that. i feel i cant talk to you or relate to you. ewww. i feel who you hang around with reflects you. you hang around people you can talk to or turn to for advice. and ugh. im dwelling on this. but i went to check my email to see if i got this new job i want. and i come back out to steven gone and upstairs...i give it im over reacting with knowing matt is upstairs hanging out with these girls but it was a slap to my face because i was saying earlier on the drive home after picking him up from work how happy i was to be with him. i also just finished not 5 minutes before explaining to my friends that were over here and to steven about how much i cant stand these girls. my friends left..i went to check my email. went outside to be with him and have a great evening and hes gone upstairs...its a slap in the face.
gah i seriously feel so wrong for how i feel. and i just dont know what to do with my feelings. i dont want to feel hurt. i dont want it to be a problem. but i cant help my feelings.
ugghhhh.
how was your new year?